NFL All-Convict team
01/23/2001
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
The Super Bowl's coming this Sunday and, with two punishing defenses lining up opposite each other, it should be a great game. And as is the case most years, there are plenty of intriguing stories involved with this Super match up, including Trent Dilfer's return to Tampa, Kerry Collins' return to glory and Tony Siragusa's return to the nearest buffet line. But despite all that, everyone just wants to talk to one man: Ray Lewis. "What really happened last year?" "What would you say to the victims' families?" "Do you regret the decisions you made?" Despite all the good that could be taken from this year's Super Bowl, everyone's focusing on the convict in the center of that Baltimore defense. But with the credibility hits the league has taken recently, can you really blame them? After all, while the New York Giants and Baltimore Ravens players prepare for the big game in Tampa Bay, a former NFL tight end is preparing for his sexual assault trial in Janesville, Wisconsin.
So in honor of those fine upstanding citizens who take this barbaric game off the field and into their personal lives, I've released my NFL All-Convict team. Some players were easy additions to the roster (see: Linebackers) while others made the team due to supply-demand issues (see: Offensive linemen). The criteria used in compiling this list were threefold: severity of the crime(s), notoriety of the crime(s) and player, and talent of the player. Also, to be eligible a player had to be convicted of a crime, not merely accused. But we've figured out a way to bend the rules a bit, so read through our list and let us know if we've missed anyone.
So without further delay, I give you the NFL All-Convict team... . Please step away from the cage and do not taunt the athletes. Seriously.
OFFENSIVE STARTERS:
QB: Todd Marinovich, Los Angeles Raiders
1998: Pleaded guilty to cultivating marijuana.
2000: Escaped conviction on sexual assault charges due to lack of evidence; during a routine traffic stop in December, the Arena League QB was charged with felony heroin possession and misdemeanor counts of possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a suspended or revoked license.
RB: Lawrence Phillips, San Francisco 49ers
1995: Pleaded no contest to misdemeanor assault and trespassing charges after dragging his former girlfriend down three flights of stairs during his junior season at Nebraska.
1997: Pleaded no contest to a drunken driving charge; pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge
1998: Pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor battery charge after hitting a woman in a Florida nightclub when she refused to dance with him.
2000: Charged with felony counts of false imprisonment, corporal injury to cohabitant, making a terrorist threat and conspiring to dissuade a witness after once again being accused of beating his girlfriend; a warrant for Phillips' arrest was issued when he failed to appear for his trial on the above charges.
FB: Byron "Bam" Morris, Kansas City Chiefs
1996: Pleaded guilty to marijuana possession.
1998: Sentenced to 10 years in prison - but only served 89 days - after violating his probation from the 1996 drug charge.
2000: Pleaded guilty in federal court to money laundering charges and to charges of attempting to distribute more than 100 kilos of marijuana in Kansas City.
WR: Rae Carruth, Carolina Panthers
2001: Sentenced to a minimum of 18 years, 11 months in prison after being found guilty of conspiring to murder his pregnant girlfriend, using an instrument to harm an unborn child and discharging a firearm into occupied property. Ironically, although his girlfriend died as a result of his actions, Carruth was acquitted of first-degree murder charges.
WR: Tamarick Vanover, Kansas City Chiefs
2000: Pleaded guilty to a federal charge of assisting in the sale of a stolen vehicle; Vanover also has been linked to a federal drug probe, along with former teammate Bam Morris (see above).
WR: Michael Irvin, Dallas Cowboys
1996: Pleaded no contest to felony cocaine possession after being found with cocaine and marijuana in a hotel room with two topless dancers.
2000: Charged with marijuana possession after being found in the apartment of a well-known heroin dealer, but the charges were later dropped.
OL: Luis Sharpe, Arizona Cardinals
1995: Convicted of attempted aggravated assault on a police officer and possession of drug paraphernalia charges.
2000: Pleaded guilty to cocaine and drug paraphernalia possession charges
OL: Matt O'Dwyer, New York Jets
1999: Pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and third-degree assault charges after kicking in the window of a police car during a bar fight in Long Beach.
OL: John "Jumbo" Elliot, New York Jets
1999: Pleaded guilty to harassment and disorderly conduct charges after urinating in a sink in the women's restroom and punching two customers during the bar fight in Long Beach (see above).
OL: Jason Fabini, New York Jets
1999: Pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct charges stemming from Long Beach bar fight (see above).
OL: Marco Rivera, Green Bay Packers
2000: Pleaded no contest to drunken driving and speeding charges after being clocked going 95 mph in a 45 mph zone.
Impressive mini-camps:
Sebastian Janikowski, K, Oakland Raiders
2000: Arrested and charged with one count of felony possession of a controlled substance after police found him and two friends in a parked car with GHB, also known as the "date rape drug," on the Florida State campus; acquitted on charges that he tried to bribe a police officer.
Mark Chmura, TE, Green Bay Packers
2000: The former tight end currently is being charged with sexual assault with a minor after a 17-year-old girl accused him of having sex with her on the bathroom floor of a post-prom party without her consent. The girl was the Chmura family's regular babysitter.
Offensive bench:
Jim Brown, RB, Cleveland Browns: convicted of vandalizing his wife's car following an argument in 1999.
Andre Rison, WR, Oakland Raiders: convicted on one count of felony theft in 1999 after being charged with four counts of passing bad checks.
DEFENSIVE STARTERS:
DL: Dexter Manley, Washington Redskins
1994: Pleaded guilty to cocaine possession charges
1995: Pleaded guilty to two counts of cocaine possession.
DL: Mark Gastineau, New York Jets
1998: Pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault charges after hitting his wife.
DL: Harvey Martin, Dallas Cowboys
1996: Pleaded no contest to misdemeanor charges of assault, telephone harassment and resisting arrest a week after pleading no contest to felony cocaine possession.
LB: Lawrence Taylor, New York Giants
Where should we begin?
LB: Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens
2000: Pleaded guilty to misdemeanor obstruction of justice charges following a post-Super Bowl fight that resulted in the stabbing death of two people. Lewis originally was charged with first-degree murder.
LB: John Mobley, Denver Broncos
1999: Pleaded guilty to driving while ability impaired, careless driving and driving without a valid driver's license.
LB: Leonard Little, St. Louis Rams
1999: Pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter after running a red light and crashing into a car driven and killing the driver, Susan Gutweiler. Little had a blood-alcohol reading almost twice the legal limit.
CB: Darryl Henley, Los Angeles Rams
1996: Pleaded guilty to federal charges of solicitation of murder after he hired a professional hitman to kill a key witness in his drug-trafficking case and U.S. District Court Judge Gary Taylor, who presided over the case.
CB: Craig Newsome, Green Bay Packers
2000: Pleaded guilty to two felony prescription drug charges after he used a false prescription to obtain a popular painkiller.
S: Darren Perry, New Orleans Saints
1996: Convicted of DWI and hit and run while a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
2000: Again charged with DWI and hit and run.
S: Tremain Mack, Cincinnati Bengals
1997: Convicted of DWI.
1998: Convicted of DWI and sentenced to one year in jail for probation violation; in total, Mack has been arrested six times in less than four years.
Impressive mini-camps:
Bill Romanowski, LB, Denver Broncos
2000: Romo currently is a suspect in an investigation regarding an illegal prescription diet drug scheme. Romanowski's wife already has been charged with felony conspiracy and investigators are trying to determine the linebacker's involvement in the incident.
Dana Stubblefield, DL, Washington Redskins
2000: Stubblefield is being investigated for charges that he beat his wife last year during a heated argument.
Defensive bench:
Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson, LB, Dallas Cowboys: convicted on two counts of false imprisonment and one count of sexual assault in 1984.
Orlando Thomas, DB, Minnesota Vikings: convicted of battery in 1999 after beating his wife and was sentenced to a six-month suspended jail term.
Honorary Captain: O.J. Simpson - Never convicted, but the Juice still deserves spot.
The team's glaring weakness is behind center, but until Kurt Warner takes up coke snorting, Marinovich is the best we can do. In the backfield, Phillips, Morris and Jim Brown give us speed, power and multiple convictions, while there's definitely some talent at wideout. Plus we should be able to save the franchise some cash as Vanover could probably get our team bus at a discounted price. Two guys who impressed during their workouts in camp were Chmura and Janikowski, both of whom are waiting league approval to suit up for the All-Convict squad. Chmura in particular will be a great addition in terms of team morale as he knows where all the happening post-prom parties are. The O-line is a little weak, but we've still got our share of hooligans lining up to protect our star QB.
On defense, this team should be set. The line should be able to run down any quarterback - we'll just tell them the QB's got a crack rock in his pocket. The linebacking corps is the strength of this squad, though, as LT and Ray Lewis combine to form the best duo in history. The defensive backfield could also use some work but whenever you've got a guy with ties to professional hitmen, you've got an ace up your sleeve. And like Janikowski and Chmura, two defensive players impressed us enough in their mini-camp workouts to include them on our list, especially Bill Romanowski who will also assist our trainers in the team's health matters.
With no major soft spots on the roster, I feel this team of druggies, wife beaters and murderers would be able to compete against any prison yard squad in the country. There's a great balance between offense and defense and our honorary captain always gets his way.
But if I forgot anyone, send me an e-mail (jcodding@bullz-eye.com) and let me know.
In the Bullz-Eye
Denver Broncos RB Terrell Davis. After another season lost to injury, Davis needs to be sure his legs can sustain a full season of football. Much like in 1999, a rookie stepped up in Davis' absence this past season, Mike Anderson, and now with three 1,000-yard rushers on the team (Anderson, Davis and Olandis Gary), TD isn't the de-facto starter any longer. With Mike Shanahan possibly ready for a youth movement, Davis' days in Denver could be numbered.