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Sexiest album covers, sexy album covers, sexiest CD covers, sexy CD covers, banned album covers

11/01/2005

Music Home / Entertainment Channel / Bullz-Eye Home

We realize this is not the most original idea in the world. In fact, okay, just about every men’s magazine on the planet, along with a few enterprising individuals on the Web, have assembled lists of the sexiest album covers of all time. But with each passing year comes new candidates for the throne, and as it turns out, our #5 album is only a few months old. The timing, therefore, seemed right to strike, again.

We asked various members of the BE staff, from our staple of music writers to movie critics and even BE Grand Poobah Gerardo, to assemble a list of their 10 favorites. We then assigned points based on their ranking (10 points for a #1, nine for a #2, etc.), and the following 10 albums were the winners. In truth, this contest was a blowout; nothing came even close to challenging our Number One pick. We think you’ll agree..

It isn’t as though the models weren’t sufficiently striking to begin with...but, no, they had to go the extra mile and strip down to their dainty underthings, which were all but translucent. To make matters worse, one cheekily placed her hands upon her bosoms, while the other...well, there’s no delicate way to say this: she’s got a hand strategically placed atop the, erm, grandest of all canyons. Fortunately, we critics are a hardy breed, and some of us actually took the time to listen to the music contained within that dirty, dirty sleeve...and, as it turned out, it was pretty damned good. That it should’ve begun with a song called “The Thrill of It All” was certainly appropriate, as was including a track that declared, “All I Want Is You”; yes, the album is, as Bryan Ferry sings on the next-to-last track, “A Really Good Time.” But if you never spotted the cover when you were growing up in the ‘70s (it was originally released in ’74), well, no surprise here: the US took one look at it and said, “That’s right out. You can keep the forest, but lose the girls.” The bastards. – Will Harris

We all love a bad girl every once and a while, one you definitely wouldn’t bring home to mom and dad. The tattooed school nurse featured on Blink 182’s paramount album, Enema of the State, just oozes naughtiness. With porn star Janine filling in as the cover model, there’s no doubt that most men bought this album for the fantasy alone. Who wouldn’t fake a terminal illness to get a check up from this hottie? Oh, and there’s some pretty good music as well if you manage to make your way past the domineering pose. – Jason Zingale

Ah, just look at that beauty. All those nice curves just holding back the power embedded deep inside. No, I’m not talking about the damn car! I’m talking about the flame-haired vixen totally owning that hood. Alberto Vargas always had a way with women that made every other man take notice. This was certainly true for his artwork on Candy-O. Some women complain that the airbrush completely lies about a woman’s real beauty, but I have to disagree. Well, in this case, anyway. Supposedly this mama was designed after a real model, but I’ll be damned if my eyes ever got tired of scoping the nylon-clad sex machine just fainting all over that car. Can’t say I get the same feeling looking at “the real thing.” It’s true, sex is all in the brain, and this is illustrated no better than right here. Hell, I was into this gal before I was even 10 years old and my older brother brought home Candy-O when she was brand new. I didn’t give a damn what the music sounded like. My pre-adolescent fantasies were fulfilled! Still, “Let’s Go” kills everything on the radio these days. Long after all the other women on this list are nothing but dead and dust, Candy-O will still be seducing. For that reason alone, she’s tops in my book. – Jason Thompson

Stand up and salute the flag! While the meaning behind the album's title remains unclear, the reason this Black Crowes' cover offended so many people when it was first released does not. Even some men who normally applaud all things lewd and crude are turned off by the short and curlies that are peeking out over the top of this patriot's bikini bottom. Maybe they prefer the shaved look to her al natural approach, or maybe they have a problem with Old Glory covering her glory. But take into account the fact that this is one hell of a rock album and we say: God bless Amorica. – Jamey Codding

Chocolate & Cheese offers something substantial both visually and audibly. Considered one of the band’s best works, it also features a stunning cover shot of model Ashley Savage’s midriff. When the album originally came out, Dean Ween told anyone who would listen that Savage was his girl, when in truth, he had never met the voluptuous vixen. Not much is known about the model, as she apparently quit the business shortly after the photo shoot, but Ween fans everywhere still wonder what she looks like. Considering the album came out 11 years ago, maybe it’s better that she stays in hiding. – John Paulsen

There are many, many sexy parts on a woman's body and one of them is certainly the small of the back. Louis XIV subtly proves this with their album cover for The Best Little Secrets are Kept. That little region where a well-toned woman's back meets the fissure in her buttocks can drive a guy insane. And what better way to draw attention to the track list of your album than to actually write it on a beautiful woman's back? Years from now, it may come out that the model for this cover was actually a man, and many men may stab their eyes out on that day. But today is not that day. – Andy Kurtz

Ah, the seductive power of the unknown. Is she spanking herself? Is she inviting you to spank her? Or did she just throw out her back? And what about that leather glove? Is there more leather involved in the rest of her outfit? Or does her outfit consist solely of this one leather glove? Unfortunately for everyone who bought the US release of Is This It, this magnificent shot was only available on a later import release. But don't worry; you can tell your lady friend that you've got to buy a CD you already own not because of the gloved temptress pictured on the cover but because the disc also features the rare and popular "New York City Cops." She won't believe you of course, but at least you've got an excuse. – Jamey Codding

With the groundbreaking Exile in Guyville before it, and all the subtleties of tracks like “Fuck and Run,” it’s hard to say the self-titled Liz Phair is the Chicago nymph’s sexiest album to date. That is, unless you’re judging the book by its cover. Yeeowza! Thirty-six years old when the album hit in 2003, Phair’s penchant for all things sexual is flat-out impossible to disguise. Then again, who in their right mind would want to hide it? “It’s the fountain of youth, it’s the meaning of life, so hot so sweet so whet my appetite,” she swoons on the overly conspicuous “H.W.C.” (which stands for Hot White…eh, hem…). Any questions, class? – Red Rocker

Could there really be anything sexier than a Playboy model covered up (barely) by some well-placed dead presidents? With the Rollins Band’s 2001 release, Nice, model Roxanne Arvizu is featured on the album’s cover just that way. Nice is supposed to be the album on which front man Henry Rollins came of age, so to speak, after turning 40, releasing a really great rock album laced with groove, funk and overall heaviness. But with an album cover as sexy as this, who really cares about the music? – Mike Farley

Let it not be said that Sugar Ray hasn’t contributed anything of worth to pop culture. This cover is easily the best thing to their name, a heart-palpitating shot of Nicole Eggert in a position that most men would kill to have before them. Of course, leave it to Sugar Ray to squelch our lustful thoughts by giving the album an embarrassingly juvenile title that turns this hardcore fantasy shot into a grade school bathroom joke. A better title would have been, to paraphrase a Nine Inch Nails song, Something You Will Never Have. Ah, but it’s a nice dream, though. – David Medsker

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