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Don't miss our original list of the Sexiest Album Covers

We knew that when we compiled our list of sexiest album covers, we were opening ourselves up to all sorts of debate. Truth be told, we were looking forward to it; after all, no matter how much research we did, there would be an album cover or two that would slip between the cracks, pardon the pun. That’s where we were hoping that you, faithful reader, would chime in. And chime in, you did.

Our mailbox was filled with all kinds of pictures – along with the daily deluge of porno spam – of album covers released all over the world, including a couple covers that were banned in the States. Some were smokin’ hot, some had potential, and one was outright disgusting. There is surely a psychological study in the making here. And so, without further ado, we present the readers’ poll of covers that we should have listed. And if we still haven't done this topic justice, drop us a line. Again.

Sex and the Seventies

Foreigner: Head Games
(Atlantic, 1979)
The girl’s cute, no doubt about it, but we’re not going anywhere near a girl that’s been sitting on the base of a urinal. Plus, she doesn’t look a day over 16, meaning that any tryst with her would certainly get us thrown in the slammer with Gary Glitter.
Jorge Santana: Self-titled
(Tomato, 1978)
Sixteen years before the Black Crowes gave us Amorica, Carlos Santana’s little brother gave us a near identical cover, turned counterclockwise 90 degrees and sans pubes. The milky white skin and pink unmentionables go quite well together. Plus, it doesn’t have that camel toe thing going on that the Amorica babe has.
 
Scorpions: Lovedrive
(Mercury/Polygram, 1979)
The original cover is still available in the UK, but this was apparently too much for the US censors to handle, though we’re not sure if that’s because they found it to be sexually graphic or just silly. The woman looks like one of our mothers’ friends, and that, combined with the prospect of gummy sex, is not a pleasant thought for us. You’d be finding bits in your hair for weeks. Apparently the girl is topless on the back cover, but she still looks like one of our mothers’ friends.
 

Booty Call

Various Artists: Explicit Rap
(ZYX Music, 2002)
Clearly a suggestion from an ass man, though we can’t necessarily say that we blame him. This is taken from a German CD compilation released in 2002, and it brings to mind 2 Live Crew’s As Nasty as They Wanna Be, which finished at #13 on our list. This one, had we known about it, probably would have placed even higher.
O’Donel Levy: Everything I Do Gonna Be Funky
(Groove Merchant, 1974)
Now, here we go! A precursor of sorts to Janet Jackson’s oft-imitated Rolling Stone cover from 1993, Levy didn’t have a lengthy music career (though Allmusic seems to love his 1973 album Simba), but like we said of Sugar Ray in our original piece, let it not be said that he contributed nothing to the world of music and pop culture. That is a fine posterior that those hands are covering up.

Lifetime Achievement Award: The Ohio Players

We received twice as much mail on the Ohio Players as we did on every other artist combined. But the readers, much like the staff, could not come to a consensus on which cover was their favorite, which is why OP missed our top 10. Therefore, in recognition of the fine work they have done, we present a handful of our favorite covers, in chronological order. (You can find a gallery of the original Ohio Players album covers here.)

Skin Tight (1974)
This is the textbook definition of showing you nothing but telling you everything. We secretly fantasize that we’re standing just off camera to the right.
Fire (1974)
This finished 23rd, or second to last, on our final votes. Had we taken a look at the full LP cover unfolded (again, check out the link above), it surely would have finished higher.
Honey (1975)
The picture of the girl on the inside of the cover is the real money shot. Rumors swirled that she was stuck to the table after the photo session was over.
Angel (1977)
Those things have to hurt when she goes jogging. But they look good in silhouette.
 
Graduation (1984)
The staff favorite. This just missed our list, coming in at #11.
 

Two for the Ages

Herb Alpert: Whipped Cream and Other Delights
(A&M, 1965)
Yowza. We’re more than slightly embarrassed that we missed this one, especially since we actually reviewed the album a while back. Sure, you can’t see anything, but there’s something about a girl covered by something other than clothing (see our #2 album, Henry Rollins’ Nice) that makes the imagination run wild.
White Zombie: Supersexy Swingin’ Sounds!
(Geffen, 1996)
Holy schnikes! When we first saw that someone had suggested a Rob Zombie cover, we expected some red-skinned beast woman with horns, but sporting a nice rack as well (our reference base for this logic was the cover for their Night Crawlers EP). Instead, we are treated to a blonde slice of hammock heaven. The best touch is the haircut; the fact that the cover girl has a demure, early ‘60s ‘do, as opposed to super-teased coke whore hair, makes it even sexier. Easily our favorite of the bunch.

Freaky Deaky

Here's one we’d like to erase from our memory. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

 
Mom’s Apple Pie: Self-titled
(Capitol, 1972)
In a word: ewwwwww. And that was our reaction before we took a closer look at the section of the pie where a slice was cut out. You can get a better look at it here, but let us just say it leaves nothing to the imagination, unlike every cover on our list. The cover was apparently banned within months, though we’re surprised it actually made it to the shelves at all.
 

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