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| The BCS, Ricky Williams pot, NHL strike, Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, LaDainian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, Reggie Bush, Brett Favre, Drew Rosenhaus
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2005 Sports Review: What we already knew
12/16/2005
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The BCS sucks.
We’re so tired of hearing, “See? This is the game we all wanted
to see. The BCS got it right this year.” Bullshit. An eight year
old could’ve gotten it right this year. “Two undefeated teams?
They’re the two best teams.” Duuuhhh. Did we all forget what
happens when there are three undefeated teams? Or one undefeated
and two one-loss teams? The system will never be perfect,
because the teams and fans who just miss the cut will always
claim they should’ve had a shot, but that doesn’t mean it can’t
be better. What’s wrong with some kind of abbreviated playoff
structure? Give four teams a chance to compete for the national
title instead of just two. It’s really not that hard. |
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Lies, damned lies…and cold,
hard, statistics: the steroids fallout is everywhere.
Rafael Palmeiro is sure to take up the bulk of the discussion on
steroids, now that his sworn testimony and wagging finger are
part of the collective consciousness of baseball forever more.
But here’s the part of the steroids discussion that gets swept
under the rug: the alarming number of players whose stats
dropped off precipitously in 2005. Now, we’re not saying that
Mike Lowell (.236-56-8-58, vs. .293-87-27-85 in 2004), Jim Thome
(.207-26-7-30, vs. .274-97-42-105 in 2004) and Bret Boone
(.221-33-7-37, vs. .294-111-35-117 in 2003) were all juiced, but
to see so many players fall so far so fast, well, it doesn’t
look good. |
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You can smoke a lot of weed
in a year.
Ricky Williams shocked the Miami Dolphins, NFL fans, and fantasy
owners who drafted early when he announced his sudden retirement
prior to the 2004 season. Word leaked that Ricky had failed
several drug tests and was facing a suspension for the upcoming
season, but Williams claimed he was tired of the business of
football and had other interests in life he wanted to pursue,
adding that he would never change his mind about retirement. A
year later, Williams was back on the practice field for the
Dolphins and is currently the team’s second-leading rusher,
behind rookie Ronnie Brown. “It's hard to regret it myself,”
Williams told reporters upon his return to the team, “just
because I had an incredible year.” We’re sure you did, Ricky. |
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Sports are a nasty, dirty,
rotten business.
Just ask the seven NHL fans who came back.
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"Ice Capades"
TV and arena execs try to figure out how to fill the void left by the NHL. |
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Albert Pujols is good.
With a knee injury keeping Barry Bonds off the field for most of
the year (conveniently during the first season that baseball
tested for steroids), Pujols finally got some much deserved
hardware, beating out Andruw Jones and Derrek Lee for his first
career MVP. Funny thing is, Pujols’ numbers (.330-41-117)
weren’t as impressive as the lines he delivered in 2004
(.331-46-123) and 2003 (.359-43-124). No matter; A-Rod may get
more love, but Pujols, a career .332 hitter, is the best thing
going in baseball. When you’re 25 and you’re getting lumped in
with names like Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams, you’re pretty
damn good. Good enough to win four or five more MVPs. |
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Running backs are king in
fantasy football.
We haven’t been able to confirm anything yet, but we’re pretty
sure Priest Holmes was the first pick in every single fantasy
football draft on the planet three years ago. Come on, he scored
21 touchdowns in 2002. In only 14 games. Ah, but therein lies
the rub: the injury bug, which took eight games from Holmes and
his owners in 2004. And so a new king rose, a man with a
bloodhound’s nose for the goal line and a lightning bolt
blazoned across the side of his head. LaDainian Tomlinson has
three touchdown passes this year. Forget about the 17 rushing
scores and the two receiving; Tomlinson’s thrown three
touchdowns. Brooks Bollinger and Vinny Testaverde have combined
for four TD passes in 13 games. Of course, the guy drafting
second this year isn’t upset about missing out on LT because his
guy, Shaun Alexander, has 23 total touchdowns and leads the
league in rushing yards. Then there’s Priest, who scored a mere
six touchdowns this year before suffering an injury that not
only ended his season, but could wipe out his career. Owners who
rolled the dice on Priest in the first round crapped out, unless
they were also the ones who rolled the dice on Larry Johnson
five or six rounds later. Some wonder if LJ will challenge for
Tomlinson’s throne. We wouldn’t go that far. Not yet, anyway. |
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Ron Artest is a maniac.
Just when the vision of him diving into the stands (to attack
the wrong Pistons fan) started to fade, Artest is back in the
news, demanding to be traded from the fifth-place Pacers,
preferably to the 12th-place Knicks. His main gripe is that he
wants to shoot more. The problem is, he’s getting 15 shots a
night and he claims he’d be willing to play behind LeBron.
Artest is a fantastic player, but the guy is just a blockhead. |
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Sometimes it pays to be the
sorriest team in the league.
Admit it: You feel sorry for the Texans and 49ers. They’re awful. David Carr looks more like a future unemployed
quarterback than the quarterback of the future in Houston, while
San Fran’s hotshot signal caller, Alex Smith, sports a 24.7 QB
rating. Only, life ain’t too bad for the 1-12 Texans and 2-11
‘Niners, not when Reggie Bush awaits the winner of the League’s
Suckiest Team competition. And if you’re looking for high drama,
Houston and San Francisco meet in the final game of the regular
season. We’re hoping they go in tied at 2-13. Loser takes all,
baby.
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"First of the Worst"
Find out what David Carr had to say after his team's latest pathetic loss. |
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New deals should be based
on career stats, not contract year stats.
The owners just can’t help themselves, can they? The Dodgers
threw $55 million at J.D. Drew and $36 million at Derek Lowe,
and in return received lines of .286-48-15-36 and 12-15-3.61,
respectively. Carl Pavano gladly took the Yankees’ money -- $40
million of it – and won four games, with a 4.77 ERA. Which begs
the question: what were they expecting? Pavano’s career record
is 61-64. His lifetime ERA is 4.77. Worse, look at Russ Ortiz,
who went 5-11 with a 6.89 ERA in his first year of a four-year,
$45 million contract. Congratulations, owners, you won the
bidding for these players. Did it ever occur to you that there
was a reason no one else was offering as much money as you were? |
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Pete Carroll should never
leave USC. Ever.
Maybe Mike Krzyzewski and Bobby Bowden understand something that
so many other college coaches don’t: They’re not cut out for the
pros. That’s not to say that Coach K doesn’t know enough about
basketball to succeed in the NBA, but maybe he recognizes that
his approach and style are better suited for the college game.
Whether we’re right about that or not, we wish more college
coaches came to this realization. Steve Spurrier, Rick Pitino,
Dennis Erickson, Jerry Tarkanian. Pete Carroll, if you’re
reading this (and I know you are), stay at USC. For…ev…er.
Seriously. Why would you ever want to leave? You play in the
cupcake Pac-10, you’ve got a superstar roster every single year,
spring practice begins each season with talk of another title
run. What’s out there for you in the NFL? The Oakland Raiders?
You’ll come limping back to the college game in four years
begging for a job half as good as the one you gave up. Just like
Butch Davis. (Sorry, that was personal. Some of us are Browns
fans.) |
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Second place is the first
loser.
Many say parity has gotten out of control in the NFL, and this
whole “Super Bowl hangover” theory may back them up. The Eagles
lost to the Patriots in the Super Bowl last year, and are now
out of the playoff picture at 5-8; the Panthers lost to New
England two years ago and missed the playoffs the following
season at 7-9; Oakland tied for the worst record in football one
year after falling to the Bucs in Super Bowl XXXVII. That’s bad
news for the NFC team that meets the Colts in Detroit this
January.
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"Child's Play"
Andy Reid takes Donovan McNabb and his #1 receiver out for ice cream. |
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March Madness is the most
exciting event in all of sports.
For three (long) weekends in late March and early April, college
basketball takes over the sporting world. Favorites fall,
Cinderellas are born, and upsets rule the day. The ’05 Tourney
saw #14 Bucknell upset #3 Kansas, #13 Vermont beat #4 Syracuse
and, this year’s Cinderella, 12-seed UW-Milwaukee, advance to
the Sweet Sixteen. It’s a shame that college football doesn’t
recognize the potential and implement a playoff system of its
own. |
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Being a Marlins fan sucks.
Kind of.
What’s happening to the Florida Marlins, for the second time in
eight years, is sickening. A year removed from their 2003 World
Series championship, Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria, taking the
lead of former owner Wayne Huizenga, stripped his team for
parts, dropping his payroll to $30 million and the number of
marquee players to two (Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis).
Season ticket holders will not get refunds. Sounds terrible,
doesn’t it? And yet, there are about a million people on the
North Side of Chicago who would sell Harry Caray’s soul to have
the kinds of problems that Marlins fans have. Sure, the team’s
going to be tough to watch for a year or two. The Cubs are like
that for decade-long stretches. At least the Marlins have two
World Series titles in the last eight years. The Cubs are at 97
years and counting, and there is no reason to believe that
streak will end anytime soon (despite our prediction below). The
team makes so much money that it’s actually in the owners’ best
interest not to put a World Series-caliber (read: expensive)
team on the field. So forgive us if our sympathy for the Marlins
fans only goes so far. At least they know what it’s like to win
it all. |
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Brett Favre is a better QB
with a lead than he is in a hole.
Because of the confidence he has in his arm, Favre thinks he can
get the ball to the receiver, no matter the time or the place or
situation. Can you blame him? He’s got arguably the strongest
arm of all time and he’s helped several mediocre receivers go on
to have 1000-yard, Pro-Bowl seasons. This year, Favre’s got a QB
rating of 92.2 when leading, 65.9 when behind. The Packers are
3-10. They’re behind a lot.
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"Previews"
John Madden exorcises Brett Favre's demons. |
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Kobe Bryant should not be
cracking jokes about his sex appeal.
After getting kicked in the face by Eddie Griffin in a December
10 game against Minnesota, Bryant told reporters, “I'm no longer
super, super sexy. Now I'm just sexy.” Dude, not cool.
Seriously. That’d be like Gary Glitter dropping a Michael
Jackson joke. Bryant was never convicted? We don’t care. It’s still
creepy. |
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Good pitching (White Sox, Astros) does indeed beat good hitting (Red Sox, Angels, Cards).
Say what you want about the wild card diminishing the importance
of the regular season, but the Houston Astros deserved to go to
the World Series. They had six pitchers – three starters and
three relievers – with ERA’s under 3.00. The White Sox on99 four, but they were all relievers, thus giving their team the
chance to catch up while the bullpen shut their opponents down,
which is exactly what the Sox did to the ‘Stros in the Series.
The Sox also had four starters with ERA’s of 3.87 or lower, each
man winning 14 games or more. The Red Sox, Yankees and Angels
didn’t have anything close to those stats, which is why they
went home early. Pitching rules, no two ways about it. |
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Drew Rosenhaus is a moron.
Last time we checked, an agent is supposed to have his clients’
best interests at heart. So why did Rosenhaus let his biggest
client commit career suicide this year? Standing in front of a
bunch of reporters and TV cameras and rebuffing one legitimate
question after another by barking “next question” is childish
and chickenshit. Face the music, Drew, or get out of the
business. Actually, just get out of the business. |
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