|
|
 |
| 2005 sports review, LA Saints, Rafael Palmeiro steroids, NBA Dress Code, Tiger Woods, Dwayne Wade, Eli Manning, Carson Palmer, Ron Mexico, Kobe Bryant
|
|
2005 Sports Review: What we learned
12/16/2005
A lot can happen in 12 months. Rafael Palmeiro, once
a future Hall of Famer, became a sad punch line and the face (one of them,
anyway) of baseball's steroid scandal; Kobe Bryant realized he needed Phil
Jackson months after running the Zen Master out of town; the Colts went from
perpetual disappointment to possible immortalization. Some moments reminded us
of why we love sports so much, while others made us wonder why we love
sports so much. Names like Dwayne Wade, Daunte Culpepper, Ozzie Guillen and
Ricky Williams found their way into the headlines, along with, of course,
Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens.
But like most people, we're tired of all the TO drama. In fact, we're looking
forward to taking a little TO vacation for the next few months, at least until
some moron GM thinks he can turn him around and gives Owens a contract. Anyway,
vacation starts right now, which means Bullz-Eye's 2005 Sports Review is TO
free. Well, kind of, anyway.
| We've broken the year down into three
categories: What we learned, What we already knew, and What we
|
think will happen. Enjoy. And while you're
reading, click the
icon whenever you see it to catch a |
|
hilarious cartoon from our friends at Bang! Cartoons. |
Have something to say about the year that was in
sports? Visit
The Scores Report, the National Sports Blog, to voice your opinion.
|
|
|
|
You may not lose your job to an
injury, but you can lose your team to a natural disaster.
New Orleans tumbles into the sea, and Saints owner Tom Benson
dances a jig, singing “I Love L.A.” With the team in the worst
kind of limbo any major sports franchise has ever seen, a little
solemnity would have gone a long way.
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
"Family Feud"
San Antonio and New Orleans play the Feud, winner gets the Saints. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Pointing your finger at a
camera and a bunch of congressmen and saying, “I have never
taken steroids. Ever. Period,” does not necessarily indicate
sincerity.
We don’t believe Barry Bonds. We didn’t believe Mark McGwire.
Most of us are looking at Sammy Sosa suspiciously too. But we
believed Rafael Palmeiro when he told Congress that he’d never
taken steroids. Of course, a few months after delivering his
compelling testimony, and mere weeks after registering his
3,000th career hit, Raffy tested positive for stanozolol,
described by one NYU professor as “a mildly strong to strong
steroid.” Used to be 500 homers guaranteed your spot in
Cooperstown, but that’s not the case anymore. Now, joining the
3000-hits/500-homers club, which only boasts four members,
doesn’t even punch your Hall of Fame ticket. Raffy likely thinks
he could polish up his rep by coming back in ’06 and delivering
some solid stats, but who’s going to take him? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
There’s throwing a teammate
under the bus (He Who Must Not Be Named), and then there’s
throwing a teammate under the steamroller.
Perhaps we’re being a bit hard on Detroit Lions cornerback Dré
Bly. After all, his assessment of Joey Harrington (“…Joey’s been
here four years, and being the #3 pick in the draft, he hasn’t
given us anything”) is not far removed from everyone else’s
assessment of Harrington. Still, you don’t do that to your
teammates, no matter how bad they are, no matter how tired you
are of losing, and no matter if that teammate cost the coach his
job. Unhappy about a player’s performance? Stuff him into his
locker. Snap his ass with a towel after the game. Whatever you
do, do it where no one else can see it. Follow the code, man. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Asking a bunch of mega-rich
basketball players to throw on a tie for six months a year is racist.
For all the outrage the NBA’s new dress code generated among the
league’s players, you would’ve thought they were required to
wear tuxes and top hats 23 hours a day. You’re making millions
of dollars to throw a ball through a ring. What’s the harm in
looking professional during off-court team functions? With
assault, drug and rape charges cropping up on a regular basis,
the Players’ Union should be willing to do whatever it can to
improve its image. It’s not a “black thing,” as guys like Jermaine
O’Neal have suggested. It just so happens that most of the
league’s players are black, but Jason Kidd, Yao Ming and
Peja Stojakovic have to follow the dress code too. As for Marcus
Camby saying players should get a clothing stipend, that’s the
kind of crap that makes you like sports just a little less every
day. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The golf world still
revolves around a guy named Eldrick.
They said he’d already peaked. They said he needed Fluff. They
even blamed his new wife. When Tiger Woods failed to win a Major
in 2004, many fans wrote him off. “Maybe he’s not the best
player in the world, and he’s certainly not the best ever.”
Never mind. Tiger hit the comeback trail in 2005 and once again
pulled away from the pack, earning six tournament victories, two
of them Majors, while claiming Player of the Year honors for the
seventh time in nine years. That’s domination. And here’s the
kicker: dude turns 30 just before the New Year. Clearly, Tiger
is still very much The Man. Meanwhile, does anyone think Nike
rigged that chip shot at the Masters? That may have been the
greatest golf shot of all time, and as the ball hung on the lip
for what seemed like an eon, the Swoosh stood in full view of
the entire world. A commercial was born. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kellen Winslow needs training
wheels.
Or at least smarter friends.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Easy Rider"
Watch Kellen take his bike for a spin, and watch his agents try to save his signing bonus. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dwayne Wade should have been
the second pick in the 2003 draft.
Darko Milicic…Carmelo Anthony…Chris Bosh…good players? Yes, to
varying degrees. But, right now, Dwayne Wade trumps them all. A
dynamic, entertaining player, Wade has resurrected the Miami
franchise and even got good ol’ Shaquille O’Neal to come East to
finish out his career. Can Dwayne and the Diesel bring a title
to the Heat? It’s possible, but the window is closing on Shaq’s
career so the duo better get a move on. One thing’s for sure,
they’ll have Pat Riley and his slicked-back stylings leading the
way, at least for this season. By the way, wouldn’t “Dwayne and
the Diesel” be a great name for a buddy movie? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Randy Moss wasn’t the
problem in Minnesota.
A quick look at the standings finds the Vikings in the thick of
the playoff race at 8-5, but we all know that’s misleading. Head
coach Mike Tice got caught scalping Super Bowl tickets, Onterrio
Smith got caught with The Whizzanator in his luggage, and
several veteran players, including now-injured QB Daunte
Culpepper, got caught hosting a floating sex party, all leaving new
owner Ziggy Wilf wondering, “Couldn’t I have found a better way
to spend $600 million?” In the past, Moss was the easy scapegoat
for all the team’s problems, but with Moss now in Oakland,
clearly there’s something else wrong in Minnesota. Departed
owner Red McCombs deserves much of the blame, which is likely
why he got out when he did, but there’s no doubt in our mind
that Mike Tice is the biggest problem. Why are you scalping
Super Bowl tickets? Are you really that hard up for money?
You’re an NFL coach, for crying out loud – give them to a buddy
or a family member. Some claim the Vikings’ recent surge could
save Tice’s job, but we’re not buying that. It’s time to clean
house. As for Moss, he’s in Oakland grumbling, “Oh sure, they
wait until after I leave.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Roy Williams can win a
championship.
Run four future first-round picks out onto the floor and just
about anyone can coach them to a title. The question is: can he
win another? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drafting Carson Palmer and
Eli Manning #1 overall is justified. Drafting David Carr #1 is
not.
The Texans thought they got their franchise QB, and still aren’t
sure if they did. In Carr’s defense, it’s hard to throw an
accurate pass from your back. He’s been sacked an astounding 191
times in 57 games (~3.4 sacks/game), including 110 sacks over
the last two seasons (~3.8 sacks/game). Is that the fault of the
offensive line or is he holding the ball too long? Probably a
little bit of both. Now the Texans are in line for the #1 pick
(thanks to Kris Brown’s awful kick against the Titans) and may
have to decide between Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart. Our advice:
grab Bush and trade Domanick Davis for offensive line help. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You don’t have to be big
(or black) to be the NBA MVP.
Looking more like Tom Petty than a baller, Steve Nash surprised
everyone when he quickly became an MVP candidate last season. He
averaged 15.5 points and 11.5 assists on the year but, most
importantly, he led the Phoenix Suns to a remarkable turnaround
after arriving in Phoenix. Nash became the first Canadian and
only the second foreign-born player (Hakeem Olajuwon) to win the
award. He’s also just the second player under 6-6 (Allen
Iverson) to earn the MVP in the last 40 years, and the first in
the last 30 to win the award while not leading his own team in
scoring. (Ironically, the runner up last year, Shaquille O’Neal,
also didn’t lead his team in scoring.) Finally, Nash was the
first white MVP since Larry Bird in 1985-86. White men may not
be able to jump, but some of them sure can shoot and dish the
rock. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If you’re at a bar and a
guy introduces himself to you as Ron Mexico, locate the nearest
fire exit.
The joke well is dry for this story, but in case you missed it,
check
this link.
And then
buy a shirt.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Lip Service"
The Justice Guys try to prevent Vick from causing a Herpes outbreak. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
George Steinbrenner’s vault
has a bottom after all.
While it’s got to be killing Georgie boy that the cross-town
Mets have already landed Carlos Delgado, Paul LoDuca, Billy
Wagner and the ageless Julio Franco this offseason (and GM Omar
Minaya is not done yet), he can’t escape the red glare coming
from his balance sheet. A recent report in the New York Daily
News confirmed that the Yankees, despite drawing four million
fans, will lose around $80 million in 2005, the second
consecutive year of being in the red thanks to an obscene $200
million payroll and more than $100 million in luxury taxes.
Following another early exit from the playoffs, Steinbrenner is
clearly rethinking his strategy. Journeyman pitcher Mike Myers
represents the Yanks’ lone free-agent signing thus far, and
although they’ve retained creaky-boned outfielder Bernie
Williams, reports say the Pinstripers are trying to lure free
agent Johnny Damon, but only if Damon’s agent agrees to a small
market deal. Your invitation to the pity party is in the mail. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Spurs are the NBA’s
model franchise.
They draft well, they’re frugal in free agency and they coach
the shit out of their players. Paying attention, NBA? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Colts have a shot.
Tony Dungy giggled when the Eagles released DT Corey Simon right
before the season started. When the Colts signed Simon several
days later, we heard one analyst say, “Dungy finally has his
Warren Sapp in Indianapolis.” In turn, Indy finally has some
defense to go along with a whole helluva lot of offense. At
press, the Colts were 13-0, and while many said the undefeated
talk started prematurely, most fans think they’re going to do it
at this point. Why? Because the Colts can win any kind of game.
If you happen to burn the defense a few times, they can outscore
you; if you fall behind early, they can grind out the clock; if
you play the run, Peyton Manning will shred you; if you drop the
safeties back, Edgerrin James will gouge you. Pick your poison.
Really, it doesn’t matter. (Editor's Note: Yes,
we jinxed them.) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doesn’t matter how you get
there, just get there.
In the last week of the regular season, the Chicago White Sox
weren’t just wounded, they were cornered, caged, and looking
down the barrel of Chief Wahoo’s gun. Then, like Arnold
Schwarzenegger in “T2,” they rip the gun away from Wahoo, hop on
someone else’s chopper, and coast through the playoffs, mowing
down their opponents swiftly and remorselessly. In the blink of
an eye, all of the talk – and there was a lot of it – about what
a bad playoff team the reeling White Sox would make is gone in a
88-year-old puff of smoke. Apparently, no one told them how bad
they would be. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kobe can’t do it on his
own.
We admit it: Most of us already knew this. After running his
coach and the most dominant player in the league out of town,
the Lakers were finally Kobe Bryant’s team. So what does he do?
He leads them to a 34-48 record and they miss the playoffs. This
year, Phil Jackson is back on board, they’re 12-10 and would be
the eighth seed if the playoffs were to start today. It’s a team
sport, Kobe. Want to do it all on your own? Take up tennis. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
