|Deck the Halls (2006)
Starring: Danny DeVito, Matthew Broderick, Kristin Davis, Kristin Chenoweth, Alia Shawkat, Sabrina Aldridge, Kelly Aldridge
Director: John Whitesell
For a moment in the beginning of “Deck the Halls,” it appeared the movie wasn’t going to be as awful as expected. Well, in the immortal words of our illustrious President, “Fool me once, shame on you…….fool me can’t get fooled again.” Make no mistake about it, this movie is crap. So stinking and steaming is this Christmas turd, you’ll think you might have soiled yourself. In fact, go ahead and crap your pants. It might just be more entertaining for you.
“Deck the Halls” is your run-of-the-mill holiday comedy. Two assholes played by Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick compete with each other to prove who’s got the most Christmas spirit, a task that requires both of them to completely abandon any semblance of that spirit, of course, and only after destroying each other’s lives do they learn the real “reason for the season.”
DeVito plays Buddy Hall (Get it? Deck the ‘Halls’), the obnoxious new neighbor that interrupts Steve Finch’s (Broderick) quiet holiday by deciding, for really no reason at all, that he wants his house, adorned with enough lights, to be seen from outer space. DeVito, who was just starting to get some credibility back after his hilarious role on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” takes a giant leap backwards trying embarrassingly in vain to add sentimentality to his character. Broderick is fine as he channels the lovably nerdy character he played in “Election,” but falters as his character becomes increasingly more ridiculous and sappy.
You may be telling yourself, “It’s rated PG. I’ll take the kids. It’s probably more for them anyway.” True, this film may be more suited for children, but only as punishment. Even the most dimwitted of kids will see through this poorly made mishmash of every other holiday film. And if they do make it to end without falling asleep, they’ll surely barf up their Twizzlers at the cheesy finale in which, you guessed it, the characters join hands and, led by Super-Christian Kristin Chenoweth, sing “O Holy Knight.”Yes, there was a moment when (expectations firmly rooted to the ground) it looked like this movie might not be so bad, but then minute two came along and it seemed the balance of the universe was restored. Ahh…Rupert Murdoch. Look at you with your cold, hard cash bursting from every seam. The joke’s on us, right, Rupe? After all, we paid to see this movie. We may not have asked for it, but hey, it’s the holidays and we need a break from shopping for more shit we don’t need, some of it undoubtedly more high-quality products from your News Corporation juggernaut. But we can thank Murdoch for one thing: he kept this latest film venture mercifully short.