CD Review of It’s Whateva by Federation
Recommended if you like
Rap music with no redeeming qualities
Label
Reprise
Federation: It’s Whateva

Reviewed by Jason Thompson

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I
t’s “whateva,” indeed. Is it possible to get a rap CD these days from a bunch of crunkin’, hyphy dudes that doesn’t toss the word “nigga” out every two seconds? Hey, I’m not being a puritan here, or saying my senses have been offended, but for the love of Heidecker, can’t these artists actually sit down and come up with some raps that don’t rely so heavily on one word? I guess not. Any no-talent hack can emulate this crap. It’s as if they sat around and decided “Well, let’s just throw the word ‘poopy’ in here and there because I can’t think of anything better to say here.” Lazy, lazy writing.

So let’s get to this wonderful music of Federation’s. The opening track, “Playtime Is Over,” features one of those really bad, overly dramatic haunted-house sort of musical backdrops with a phat beat while Federation raps about killing some niggas with a gun. You know, the usual. The usual naked chicks, drinkin’ four-zeros and fuckin’ is also what it’s all about on “Get Naked You Beezy.”

“She’s a college girl, she’s nasty!” goes the hook behind the supreme lameness of “College Girl.” It gets to the beyond-pathetic point when guys like these start trying to make the scholastic life of a fine lady sound so depraved. Dudes, stay in school, just say no. You could’ve gone somewhere, but instead you opted to make shitty rap music. College sluts of the “Girls Gone Wild” variety might love you long time, but I get the feeling any chick worth her salt would pass on the clap-ridden cockage, as it were. Can you dig it?

But then again, I wouldn’t expect anything remotely resembling substance from you guys, especially not when you’re delivering such hilariously craptastic bombs as “My Rimz.” Ah yes, such a gentle, sweet ode to the wheels on your Chevy. It’s hard to give two shits about your car when everyone and his brother has already beaten you to pimping out their own rides. Nahmsayin’? I think you do. And on the off chance you don’t, there’s undoubtedly an issue of “Highlights” magazine out there with an episode of “Goofus and Gallant” all crunked up to drive the point home. But then again, you had to go and compose “Scraper 2 a Benz” detailing how shop class helped out with taking a junker and turning into something rimz worthy. Just kidding. I know you didn’t take shop, let alone show up for any other classes.

But oh, that tender ballad “When I Was Yo Man” really proves that no one’s a singer in this group. Does it really hurt that much when whatever chick of the day getting banged gets smart and up and leaves your ass? Yeah, thanks for trying to show that you have real feelings too when it comes to women. No one believes the bullshit. Especially when you follow it up with the lovely “Break Your Face.” Yep, that’s just the kind of thing any self-respecting woman loves to hear. What’s it like down there, anyway?

So let’s check the checklist! Countless drops of the word “nigga”: check! No respect for the dames: check! Stupid “skits” sprinkled throughout the CD that prove yet another rap group isn’t a bunch of comedians: double check! One slow song trying to show a softer side of the group that is just as lame as the rest of their work: check! Lame raps about cars and money and sluts: check, check, check! A couple of tracks bragging about the group’s violent tendencies. Oh, hell yeah. Checkmate.

Federation sucks. Check. Save your money. And don’t worry, Reprise. Even if you hadn’t watermarked this promo CD, there wouldn’t be a chance in hell it’d get ripped, let alone listened to a second time.

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