I don’t even know what to say right now. I really don’t. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I just didn’t appreciate what David Chase was trying to accomplish. Or maybe my expectations were simply too high. I don’t know.

People have been saying for years that “The Sopranos” peaked too early. I’m not sure if I agree with that or not, but I will say that this final season peaked too early. Last week’s episode was brilliant, maybe one of the finest hours of television you’ll ever see. Seemed the stage was set for a fantastic finale for a series so many of us have been following for so many years.

Instead, we got this. Look, I wasn’t expecting a 65-minute bloodbath tonight. That’s not even what I was hoping for. But I sure wanted some resolution, and I wanted some conflict. Instead, we get AJ telling his parents he wants to go into the Army so he can fulfill his dream of being a private helicopter pilot for Donald Trump, Meadow trying to parallel park her car for 20 minutes, Carm starting the plans for her next spec house, Janice trying to swindle Junior by telling him he was her daughter, Paulie bitching about a stray cat, and Tony shuffling through a tabletop jukebox.

What, the, hell?

Anyone who’s read this blog knows that I’ve been a patient fan of the show. People griped about the slow episodes and I said that Chase was building to something big. People called for more bloodshed and I said it was coming. Well, I guess those things did happen, but they happened last week, when Tony made a move on Phil and the NY family capped Bobby and Sil. What do we get this week? Onion rings and horrible Billy Baldwin screenplays. Well, Phil was whacked too, but I hope you’ll forgive me for mentioning that key bit of information in passing since that’s just about how Chase treated it tonight: one second Phil’s saying goodbye to his grandkids, the next he’s shot in the head, and the next he has a car roll over his head (which reminded me of a "Six Feet Under" episode, by the way). And just like that, the primary conflict of this entire season is gone. Done. It was like Christopher’s death all over again: I felt robbed.

The thing is, I understand – or I think I understand, anyway – Chase’s intention with the final scene. The suspense builds as Tony walks into a crowded restaurant and starts skimming the jukebox, scanning past such cryptically placed tunes as “This Magic Moment” and “I’ve Gotta Be Me” before settling for Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” Every time the bell over the door rings, Tony glances up to see who’s walking in. Who is he waiting for? Finally, Carm enters and takes a seat. They scan their menus. The bell jingles again and AJ walks in behind an ominous looking dude who sits at the counter and glances over at Tony’s table a few times. Surely, this guy has bad intentions. Meanwhile Meadow proves that she may be the only person on the entire planet who actually needs that new Lexus that parallel parks for you by failing in her first three attempts to guide her car into the biggest parking space you’ll ever find in front of a crowded restaurant. AJ gripes about his new job before reminding Tony that he once told him, “Try and remember the times that were good.” The suspicious man at the counter glances over at Tony again and then stands up. Tony looks up…and watches the guy head toward the bathroom. The waiter brings a plate of onion rings and all three Sopranos at the table pop one into their mouths as Steve Perry belts out, “Hold on to that feel-ay-eee-aying!” Meadow finally gets her head out of her ass and parks her car before dashing across the street – is she going to get hit by a bus? The bell over the door rings and Tony looks up expectantly.

And that’s it. Cut to black.

…Wait, that’s it? Okay, fine, this is how we’re to assume Tony will live out the rest of his days – constantly wondering if someone is out to get him, looking up every time a bell over a door jingles, worried that someone like Carlo (who apparently flipped this week after his son was picked up for selling ecstasy) is going to rat him out to the Feds, all while balancing his rather mundane family life. I get that. I appreciate it. But couldn’t we have been given more to sink our teeth into? Couldn’t something of significance – I mean, besides AJ’s car blowing up because of his catalytic converter, of course – happen tonight?

Instead, one of the few memories I’ll take from tonight’s episode is the way agent Harris put his neck on the line to help Tony out by giving him info on Phil’s whereabouts. The best part, of course, is when he finds out about Phil’s killing and excitedly says, “Damn, we’re going to win this thing!” Sweet.

But sadly, that’s one of the very few highlights. We didn’t even get any real resolution with Paulie’s storyline, which I suppose could mean that he never betrayed Tony. Then again, maybe that means he did betray him and, like Tony, we’re never going to know about it. Or maybe it doesn’t mean squat. What do I know? Oh, and Sil is still alive, but does he survive? Again, who the hell knows?

I wasn’t looking for Chase to put a pretty little bow on the series tonight. I wasn’t looking for The Shocker of the Century. I wasn’t even really looking for closure, as the women like to say. But I wanted something more than this. I wanted an ending befitting of one of the most entertaining shows in TV history. Instead, we got stray cats, The Donald and Steve Perry. Oh well; remember the times that were good, right?

There’s a part of me that doesn’t even want to blog about this episode. I don’t want to ruin it. I don’t want to overanalyze it. I don’t want to pick it apart. It was a brilliant 50-plus minutes of television, setting things up for what looks to be one helluva memorable finale next week, and that’s really all that needs to be said. The episode speaks for itself.

But what kind of blog would this be if we didn’t actually blog? So let’s start by saying: Here we go. Seems the bloody, shoot-em-up ending that so many viewers wanted has come to be. That early scene with Phil and his two cronies was one of the best scenes of the season, maybe the series. “The Sopranos are nothing more than a glorified crew,” Phil says, quoting Carmine. “We decapitate and do business with whatever’s left.” Seems Phil doesn’t think all that much of his NJ counterparts, or at least, that’s what I gathered when he called them a “Pigmy tribe.” He wants the top three guys gone: Sil, Bobby and, of course, Tony.

A couple of interesting notes here, the first coming from one of the guys from the NY group. Bobby is Tony’s #3. We’ve kinda known it for a while but, as the NY guy pointed out, Bobby used to be Junior’s driver. Then he marries Janice and a couple years later he’s T’s #3? That always seemed strange to me. Turns out they promote everybody, as Phil says, and Bobby’s a very large piece of evidence. But would Bobby be in that position if Chris had still been around? Probably not. Or, at least, you can bet Phil would’ve made Chris a priority over Bobby because he understood that Chris would’ve hurt T more. But Tony gives Chris a friendly push toward his dirt nap a few episodes ago and poor Bobby pays for it. In a hobby store buying an $8,000 train, no less.

Second, who’s missing from that hit list? Paulie. Actually, someone even asked if Paulie should go too, and Phil’s guy clarified that their only targeting management. Man, Paulie’s so pathetic he can’t even get someone to whack him. And now, T’s stuck with Paulie again, in hiding just like their trip to Florida a month or two ago. I said “poor Bobby” earlier, but I feel sorrier for Tony, having to hole up in that house with Paulie for who knows how long. (By the way, whose house is that? Junior’s? His mom’s? I feel like I should know…but I don’t.)

Now, I can’t gloss over perhaps the funniest moment of the entire episode, the reason T and Paulie are in hiding (with a couple other guys) and the reason Sil also got hit (more on that later): they killed the wrong guy. Tony catches wind of Phil’s plot against him (thanks agent Harris) and goes on the offensive, ordering a hit on Phil at his goumah’s house before he can hit them. Only they shoot the wrong guy – some Ukranian who looked a lot like Phil – and when Sil and Paulie see the paper the next day and realize that they fucked up, the look they exchange is absolutely priceless. Too bad that may be one of the last times we see Sil, after he and Patsy got ambushed in the Bing parking lot. He’s still alive (barely), but I want to know why he didn’t have his gun on him instead of stashing it in a bag in the backseat. If he’d been able to open fire immediately, he probably could’ve at least taken out one of the guys before going down himself. That would’ve been a much more appropriate end for Sil; he’s too great of a character to watch him (probably) die while scrambling for a gun and not even getting a shot off.

Clearly, Tony is having a bad week, especially in the middle of the AJ crisis. After running into a girl from school (I’m assuming) while in the hospital, AJ’s home and watching war coverage, probably not the thing to be doing while you’re trying to overcome depression. Tony wants to talk to Melfi about, among other things, the AJ situation, but she’s not having any of it, not after reading that article that says, also among other things, that therapy becomes just one more criminal operation for criminals. Melfi thinks Tony’s been manipulating her for seven years, and she ends their association this week. Ooh, bad timing. Man, I felt bad for Tony, watching him come to the realization that she was ending his therapy at maybe the precise moment that he needed it the most. Thing is, we all know Tony’s a genuine guy. His sessions with Melfi have been authentic, and Melfi probably knows it too, but she’s not taking any chances. With one episode left, I wonder if that was her curtain call.

So this is it. We were left tonight with an image of Tony, laying in a sheetless bed, fully clothed with his jacket on, falling asleep while staring at the door to his room, an assault rifle resting on his chest. It’s coming, and Tony’s ready for it. Carm’s with Meadow, Janice and Bobby’s kids in another house – who knows if AJ is going to show up after Tony tossed him out of bed and dumped all the clothes in his closet on his head? Chris, Bobby and Sil are gone. Tony’s locked down in a dumpy old house…with Paulie. And nobody knows where Phil is.

You couldn’t pay me to miss next week’s finale. (Well, unless you’re talking serious money.)

Jamey is on a much-deserved vacation this week, so he asked me to step in and cover the blog. I’ll do my best to fill his considerable shoes.

I was hoping for a barnburner tonight, the kind of episode where the blog would pretty much write itself, but instead a good 35-40 minutes were devoted to AJ, my least favorite character on the show (save for Livia, but she’s been gone a while now). Normally, he’s just a whiny, spoiled kid, but now that he’s doing some of that fancy book learnin’, he’s a whiny, spoiled, depressed kid. Tony’s reaction to AJ’s spiel about the virus spray on the meat underlined his own inner conflict about his son’s future. On one hand, he has always said he doesn’t want AJ to turn out like him, but when the kid tries to branch out, he threatens to put his head through the wall.

“Twenty years, he won’t crack a book. All of a sudden he’s the world’s foremost authority.”

Did anyone really think that AJ’s suicide attempt would be successful? Since we lost Chris last week, the odds were against another main character dying so quickly, and honestly, AJ hasn’t been able to follow through on anything. Once the cement block hit the pool floor, he freaked out, and it looked for a moment that he might somehow die accidentally at his own suicide attempt. Tony’s just-in-time arrival made for a very powerful scene. It’s obvious that he loves his kid, but at the same time AJ’s troubles are a giant pain in his ass, both at home and on the job.

How will the suicide attempt affect Tony’s work? It can only be seen as another sign of weakness (in what has become a pretty long line). Pauley’s take was priceless:

“Ask me, it’s all these toxins they’re exposed to. It fucks with their brains. Between the mercury in the fish alone it’s a wonder more kids aren’t jumping off bridges.”

"Between the mercury in the fish alone"? Fucking Pauley is fantastic.

Tony talks to Melfi about the suicide attempt and she suggests that it might have been a cry for help - that subconsciously he knew that the rope was too long to keep him submerged. Tony’s reply was classic:

“Or he could just be a fucking idiot. Historically, that’s been the case.”

Regardless, Tony understands that his cursed genes have a large part to do with AJ’s troubles, so he’s empathetic to a certain point, but that doesn’t stop him from getting into it with Carmella once AJ is committed. Is it just me or does it seem like their marriage is once again holding on by a thread? I had to laugh when Tony gave her a watch (out of guilt?) after he took care of Chris’ “business affairs” in Las Vegas. Business, Carm? You sure are a trusting soul. (Or more likely, you’d simply prefer not to think about it.)

Later, in therapy, Tony starts talking about how mothers are buses and all we want to do as children is get back on the bus, but it can never happen. After Melfi says that the theory is insightful, Tony quips, “Jesus, don’t act so surprised.” It’s clear that Tony wants Carmella to accept some of the blame for how his son turned out, and this might be his way of disowning the kid. When Melfi asks if he’s ashamed of AJ, Tony replies, “Yeah, I am. Coward’s way out, right?”

Aside from this week’s depressing depression, the brewing conflict between Tony and Phil finally kicked into high gear. Once Phil rejected Tony’s asbestos-related offer, it led to T pulling a couple of jobs that were designated for Phil’s men and then to that idiot Coco accosting Meadow while she was having dessert in Little Italy. It was funny to watch Tony try to calm his daughter and wife down when you just knew that underneath the surface his blood was boiling and that Coco was about to get one serious beatdown. I wasn’t expecting Tony to go all “American History X” in the restaurant, but it was even more surprising that Coco survived the attack.

It’s clear now that Carmine’s failed peace accord will lead to further escalation, though I think his line to T – “you’re at the precipice of an enormous crossroad” – had more than one meaning. It was strange to hear Phil spouting his obscenities from the safety of his ivory tower. It’s doubtful that he’d be so bold if he were standing face to face with Tony, but even so, you could see from the look in T’s eyes that there is no going back.

With just two episodes left, there are still a number of unanswered questions: Will Tony once again hear from the two suspected terrorists? Will AJ’s stint in the hospital do anything for his outlook on life? Will Tony continue on his existential journey and finally find happiness? Will his marriage survive? And most importantly, will he survive the coming war with Phil?

Game on.

Well…I guess Chris wound up flipping after all.

Okay, I know – bad taste. But come on, how else would I lead this blog entry off? There have been plenty of shocking moments in TV history, but I was utterly speechless for a good five minutes tonight after Tony suffocated Chris following their car accident. The buildup surrounding Chris’ character in general and his relationship with Tony in particular had been going on for years, and it accelerated the past few episodes, so to see it all end like that was…to be honest…a little disappointing. Sure, it’s one of the biggest moments in the show’s history, but with everything that had been going on – the tension between T and Chris, the possibility that Chris was going to talk to the feds, Carmella suspecting Chris of killing Adrianna, and the ongoing feud between Chris and Paulie – this was just about the most anticlimactic way to wrap up his arc. I thought somehow, some way, that Chris was going to be right in the middle of whatever went down in the final moments of the series, but that’s obviously not the case now. Bummer.

At first, I couldn’t tell why Tony killed Chris…or helped him die, if you prefer to look at it that way. Did he think he was doing Chris a favor since he was high and would therefore lose his license? Well, I suppose it’d be better to be alive and without wheels than six feet under, so probably not. Did he think Chris was a goner anyway? He sure was messed up, coughing up blood and barely able to keep his eyes open, so that may very well have had something to do with it. But the overriding factor, we later learned, was that Tony just wanted Chris dead. And this way he didn’t even have to do the dirty work. Hell, he didn’t even need to plan anything or set it all up; just hold the guy’s nose for a few seconds and let him choke on his own blood. Problem solved.

I was more than a little surprised by how open Tony was with Melfi in his first visit, especially when he admitted to murdering friends before. Then, of course, Tony woke up from his dream and, for a split second, I wondered if the whole damn thing was a dream – was Chris really dead? Turned out Tony only dreamed the session with Melfi, a dream that ended with this realization: “Every morning I wake up thinking, is today the day that one of my ‘best friends’ is going to dime me to the FBI? And a weak fucking sniveling, lying drug addict? That’s the worst kind of bet. The biggest blunder of my career is gone, and I don’t have to be confronted by that fact no more.”

Wow, tell us how you really feel, Tony.

He wasn’t as forthright with Melfi in his actual visit later in the episode, but he did repeat the “weak drug addict” line while saying he had to basically fake being upset about Chris’ death when, in reality, he felt relieved. I guess I can understand Tony’s stance to a point, but the one thing that doesn’t quite jive with me is how, just a couple of episodes ago, Tony broke down in Melfi’s office because he thought Chris hated him. He told her how Chris was more like a son and how he felt like he let him down. And now that he’s dead, Tony’s not upset at all?

Apparently not, or at least, if he was it wasn’t anything that a solo trip to Vegas couldn’t cure. Dude…that ex-girlfriend of Chris’ that Tony hooked up with was gorgeous. She winds up hooking T up with some peyote (he’d apparently always wanted to try it) and after puking initially, T and his new friend head down to the casino – high as two kites – where Tony wins an ungodly amount of money on the roulette wheel in the matter of seconds. “He’s dead,” Tony says, staring at the pile of chips in front of him with a goofy grin on his face before falling to the floor in a fit of laughter. Later, as Tony and the girl watch the sun rise over a mountain in the desert, Tony stands up and shouts, “I did it!” (UPDATE: Upon review, it would seem Tony said "I get it!" More discussion below....)

So what did he do? Maybe he was just jacked up about finally trying peyote for the first time? Nah. Apparently he thinks that Chris was the cause of his recent stretch of bad luck, so maybe he was announcing to the world that he changed his luck? If that’s the case, we’re probably about to see Tony, armed with a new sense of unflappable confidence, go on a rampage back home and start cleaning house, beginning with Phil. Then again, Tony thinking his problems died along with Chris could be bad news, if he assumes he’s bulletproof now.

I’m running long so I’ll quickly touch on two other notes, the first being the death of Paulie’s mom (or his aunt, whatever). I asked last week if anybody had a funnier pissed-off face than Paulie, and this week he convinced me that the answer is an emphatic ‘no.’ When he was sitting at his mom’s wake angry because nobody showed up, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I wonder if Tony Sirico has to practice that look in front of a mirror everyday. With Chris gone, I think Paulie becomes an even bigger player in these final episodes. The other story this week was AJ’s ongoing battle with depression. He’s gotten close with the guys from school and is now enrolled in some classes, but when his buddies beat up on a Somalian kid (and dropped the N-word), AJ broke down in therapy again. I’m sure this will be fleshed out more in the final three episodes, so I’ll leave it be for now.

One final note: we saw the return of Juliana Skiff tonight. Looking fine, as always. But she may have delivered the best line of the episode, after Carm asked how she knew Chris: “I used to buy my meat at Satriale's.” The looks on Tony’s and Carm’s faces were classic.

Okay, four episodes to go and David Chase has set up just about every possible storyline imaginable. “Things are about to change,” we were promised tonight during the preview for next week’s episode, and it sure seems like we’re on the cusp of something big.

AJ’s not taking the breakup well. Okay, so that’s an understatement. It was interesting watching Tony try to talk to AJ about what he was going through, especially when his advice is to get a blowjob and go to a party at a strip club. I mean, how funny is it that Tony forced his 20-year-old kid to go to a strip club? “I’m not debating this with you.” Okay, fine, if you insist, Pop. Tony did throw some decent advice in there, though, something along the lines of the old “there are other fish in the sea” pep talk. AJ wasn’t biting, not until his new therapist put him on anti-depressants, anyway. Once that happened, well, life is apparently all good again. AJ’s going to parties, boozing it up with a bunch of frat buddies, and helping said frat buddies pour sulfuric acid on a welcher’s foot.

That’s the ironic thing in all of this: so AJ had his heart broken. Fine. It happens. Granted, if your kid starts talking about killing himself, you’ve got to get him some help. But while Tony’s heart was definitely in the right place, pushing him to hang out with some of his guys’ kids was clearly the wrong choice. He’s talked before about how he doesn’t want AJ to follow in his footsteps and get involved in the kinds of things he’s doing, but that’s exactly what seems to be happening. AJ got a kick out of the way that kid reacted when he learned that he was Tony Soprano Jr., and he was wired when he got home after the sulfuric acid incident. There’s clearly something there that he’s drawn to, and while Tony may think that depression is in his blood (“My rotten fucking genes have infected my kid’s soul,” he tells Melfi), it’s clear that emotional problems aren’t the only thing AJ’s inherited from dear old Dad.

And right about now it’s time to admit that I was wrong about Chris: he hasn’t already flipped. In my defense, that was just one of my theories, but it became clear tonight that he’s still siding with the good guys…whoops, make that the bad guys, I guess. Anyway, it also became clear tonight that it’s a very real possibility that Chris will flip at some point. Hell, he was kicking around that very idea tonight with his AA buddy J.T., right after he nearly spilled the beans about Adrianna and Ralph Cifaretto. J.T. knew he was in trouble when Chris started talking about that stuff, and he tried like hell to get him to shut up and leave. Chris finally agreed to go home, but not before shooting J.T. in the head. Damn, didn’t see that one coming. I kept expecting something to happen, but for some reason I wasn’t expecting that. Chris grabbed the doorknob with his hand in his sleeve when he left, but it won’t take too much digging for the feds to figure out who may have been involved with this, considering everyone knows J.T. wrote the screenplay for Chris’ movie. Is this going to be the heat that’ll turn Chris against Tony? At this point, it’s clear it wouldn’t take much pushing to get Chris to turn, considering how much bad blood there is these days between him and Tony.

Sorry to jump backwards (that’s what happens when you write without thinking), but is this tension between Chris and Paulie finally going to come to a head? Those two have been at each other’s throats for years, and I thought for sure there was going to be some fireworks tonight. We came close, but aside from Chris tossing Paulie’s nephew out of a window for robbing his father-in-law and Paulie then turfing the shit out of Chris’ front yard (which was hilarious, by the way – does anybody have a funnier pissed-off face than Paulie Walnuts?), it all blew over. Chris decides to have a drink with Paulie in a show of good faith, and that’s when the trouble began. Paulie started busting his balls again, made some pretty low cracks about his daughter, and Chris, who already felt disconnected from the group because he doesn’t hang out and drink with them anymore, didn’t appreciate everyone laughing at him so he bailed. But, damn – I was expecting more there. In fact, I kept waiting for Chris to smash his rock glass into Paulie’s face. Instead he killed his AA buddy.

Finally, how uncomfortable do you think Tony was giving agent Harris that information? Sure, it had nothing to do with him and he was doing it mainly because he hoped cooperating with them on the terrorism stuff would pay off down the road should he ever be convicted of any crime...but still. It’s the feds, T! They’re the bad guys. Okay, the good guys, whatever.

I’ve got to start this week by giving props to BF, the reader who pointed out last week that I failed to mention Tony’s gambling. Clearly it’s become a serious problem, as BF predicted, to the point that Tony considered clipped Hesh rather than having to pay him the $200k he owed him. But then Hesh’s girl Renata died and Tony, ever the caring friend, showed up to offer Hesh his condolences and a paper sack filled with cash. Of course, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought Tony had Renata killed up until he showed up to pay Hesh his money.

This is the first episode of the new pseudo-season that fell a little flat for me. Obviously, Tony’s gambling has suddenly become a big storyline, and you’ve got to wonder just how big of a role it plays in these final five episodes. Tony was out of control this week, losing $20,000 on a horse named Meadow Gold and then, after caving in and deciding to give widow Spatafore the $100k she asked for to give her and, more importantly, her deranged son (more on that later) a fresh start, he took that money and bet it (and lost it) on the Eagles because the Dolphins had to rely on a rookie kicker. The interesting note about all of this was the reaction Chris had when Tony decided to throw that money at the Eagles; if anybody knows dangerous addictive behavior, it’s Chris. Is he going to try to help Tony? Will that drive a wedge even further between the two?

Of course, the central problem was the fight between Tony and Carm after Carm refused to roll her earnings from the spec house into a bet on the Jets over the Chargers. Tony had inside info on the game and wanted to turn her windfall into a million-dollar payday but she refused, saying it’s her money and that she’s determined to not end up like Ginny Sack once Tony’s gone. Well, the Jets roll 42-10 and Tony’s pissed because he “only” put $10,000 on the game. “When I’m gone, you can live in a fucking dumpster for all I care,” Tony says after Carm chucked a vase at him. Yikes. He smoothed things over later, at least temporarily, but as well as things seemed to have been going between Tony and Carm so far, you knew something was bound to happen. I just figured it would be the Adriana questions, though I’m sure those will crop up again soon enough.

As for little Vito Spatafore…dude, that kid’s screwed up. Going hardcore Goth is bad enough, but taking a dump in the school shower? And then stepping in it?! Ewwww! As is often the case with this show, I’m not entirely sure where this storyline is going to go or what its purpose will be, but it may be as simple as the added tension it’s added to Tony’s relationship with Phil. If somebody should be stepping up to set the kid straight, it probably should be Phil since he’s Vito’s uncle or cousin (or whatever), and since he’s the one who offed papa Vito last season. But since Tony’s the one cleaning up the mess, you can bet he wasn’t lying when he told his guys he wouldn’t forget that Phil refused to step up.

Then there’s AJ, who finally looked to be getting his life in order. He’s got a woman he loves, a decent job (pizza shop manager, baby!) and, finally, some motivation. He asks Blanca to marry him and when she hesitates, he tells her that he’s going to keep moving up the ladder at work and in a couple of years, he’ll own his own restaurant. You had to feel sorry for the guy when she turned around and dumped him a couple days later, but I think another reader made a great observation a couple of weeks ago: Blanca’s pregnant. This one is obviously a guess but she’s been acting strange all season and, when Meadow mentioned that someone was expecting a baby, she looked very uncomfortable. Hmm….

Finally, two small notes. First, it looks like the two Arabs from the Bada Bing are going to finally come back into play. I’ve been waiting for this for a while. And Tony had a nice little callback to last season when he was talking to Vito, saying, “You go about in pity for yourself.” If you remember, that was a saying someone pinned to the bulletin board in Tony’s hospital room after Junior shot him, and he said the same thing to Artie a few episodes later. With the gambling issues and the general problems he’s been having recently, it seems Tony’s the one indulging in a bit of self-pity.

At one point during tonight’s episode, Tony told Beansie that things were going great, but he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Excuse me? Things are going great? Not only are the feds up your ass more than ever, but your brother-in-law beat the snot out of you two weeks ago, you said last week that you thought your cousin wanted you dead, and this week you very nearly dropped one of your oldest, closest friends over the side of a boat. Again. If this is “going great,” I’d hate to see Tony after a bad day.

I’m sure some people will complain about this episode’s apparent lack of action, but think about what’s been accomplished now: Tony had the brawl with Bobby, the backlash from which we still haven’t seen; Tony’s convinced that Chris despises him and Chris thinks Tony’s pissed about his movie; and now Tony apparently thinks Paulie is so much of a liability that he’s giving serious consideration to whacking him. Three episodes in, and Tony’s at odds with three of his guys. If I’m Sil, I’m watching my back.

It was pretty cool to hear some of the stories Tony, Paulie and Beansie were sharing this week, and that picture of young Paulie was awesome. I wasn’t entirely sure what Tony was trying to accomplish on the boat, but it seemed like he kept harping on the joke Ralph told about Johnny Sack’s wife because he was looking for a reason to off Paulie. When Paulie flat-out denied that he told Johnny about the joke, T thought about going through with it anyway before deciding to chuck a bottle of beer at him instead. Still, judging by what Tony told Beansie and by how annoyed Tony seems to be with Paulie these days, it certainly seems like Paulie’s living on borrowed time.

Fortunately, the potential problem with the Willie Overalls killing from 1982 (apparently Tony’s first) blew over, but after Sil told T the good news, he said, “You gotta wonder what’s next.” Maybe it’s not the most optimistic outlook, but it definitely seems to be a realistic one. The feds may not be able to pin Willie Overalls on Tony, but that won’t stop them from digging up something else on him.

Speaking of which, did anybody else think the girl Tony hooked up with was asking too many questions? Seems if you’re “laying low,” as Tony told Paulie earlier in the episode, you use your aliases even around the ladies. The blonde Tony slept with seemed awful interested in the people at the table the night before, and she said something that made it sound like she’d been talking with Paulie too. Something to keep an eye on, maybe.

How great was it to see Junior back in action? Sure, it’s not quite the same now that he’s hopped up on meds in that criminal loony bin, but he’s clearly still a little ‘oobatz.’ That Asian kid that was hanging around Junior was trouble from the get go, and I figured he was going to attack Junior at some point, but I wondered if he would actually kill him. Turns out he just beat Junior up pretty good. How exactly Junior’s arc this week relates to the overall storyline is a bit unclear, though I’m thinking it was a way to show just how far someone of Tony’s stature (and Junior’s before Tony) could eventually fall.

Finally, I guess we should discuss the drama in New York, where the guy who whacked the guy everyone thought was going to take over for Johnny Sack got whacked himself (got all that?). This time, Phil was behind the hit, and for a good reason: you just don’t take food off another guy’s plate. I’ve always known that, but now I know just how dire the consequences can be if you break that rule. Keep your fork to yourself. Lesson learned.

There was a very telling moment in tonight’s episode, and as is often the case, it came in Dr. Melfi’s office. After attending a screening for “Cleaver,” Chris’ just-wrapped horror flick, Tony breaks down and tells Dr. Melfi that Chris despises him. It was obvious during the screening that the boss in the film, played by Daniel Baldwin (“Fuck Ben Kinglsey. Danny Baldwin took him to fucking acting school!”), was based on Tony – the open white bathrobe in the basement scene was a dead giveaway – but not until Carm confronted Tony about the scene where Baldwin fucks the fiancée of Michael “The Cleaver” did Tony stop to think about what that could mean.

So Tony tells Dr. Melfi about how Chris was more like a son after Chris’ dad died, and it bothered him that Chris now seemed to hate him. In fact, the big fella actually broke down and cried during the session before saying, “He wants to see me dead,” a reasonable conclusion considering Baldwin (I didn’t catch his character’s name in the movie) wound up with a cleaver in his skull. But here’s the thing: Tony didn’t seem too concerned about the possibility of Chris making a move against him; he was broken up by the fact that – by his estimation, anyway – Chris despises him.

By this point I think everyone can agree that, whatever goes down in these final few episodes, Chris is going to be right in the middle of it. What exactly that means, of course, remains to be seen, but after agent Harris told Tony that he had recently talked to Chris before adding, “maybe he never told you about it,” I’m hanging on to my original theory: Chris is going to rat Tony out. Maybe he really does despise Tony after having Adrianna killed, or maybe he’s just trying to save his own ass, but all the signs are there, including the scene tonight where Chris was talking to Shooter McGavin (for all you “Happy Gilmore” fans out there) and an FBI agent showed up to talk to him.

Of course, the possibility exists that David Chase is leading me around by my nose and he wants everyone, including Tony, to think that Chris has flipped. That could very well be the case, but at the very least it’s clear that Chris, like little Carmine, has started to distance himself from the family, intentionally or not. He’s clean (allegedly), he’s got a wife and a baby now, and his movie is about to hit theaters. Chris seems to be following Carmine’s lead and trying to find happiness in his life.

Not much happiness in the New York family these days, though. Stage 4 lung cancer took Johnny Sack out at the end of the episode while everyone – even people on the freaking news – speculated about who would be his replacement. Phil apparently doesn’t want the gig after his heart condition last season, and the apparent favorite, Jerry Torciano, was whacked while having dinner with Sil and some lovely ladies in the coolest scene of the episode. Meanwhile, Tony wants Carmine to take over but, as he told Tony over lunch, he’s not interested, and his reasoning certainly seemed to strike a chord with Tony. Is it time for Tony to find happiness in his life? Is that even possible at this point?

I’ve heard and read complaints by people who say not enough happens on “The Sopranos” anymore, but I don’t think those people are appreciating the story that Chase is creating. This is a mob show, sure, but it doesn’t need to be all guns and blood and “fuggedaboutits”. Chase is building toward something, with the trouble brewing between Tony and Chris, last week’s brawl between Tony and Bobby, the drama in New York and the potential problem Phil poses, and Carm’s refusal to leave the Adrianna situation alone. And beneath it all runs Tony’s mounting questions about the choices he’s made and the state of his life, capped off by the fact that the guy he loves like a son seemingly hates him. Changes are coming, big things will happen. Maybe they’re not happening fast enough for some fans, or maybe there just aren’t enough corpses along the way. But as long as Chase gives us the payoff he seems to be moving toward, I’m going to enjoy the ride.

“Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun.” Damn…still the best theme song on TV.

To say that the final run for “The Sopranos” started off with a bang would be a gross understatement. Where David Chase takes these last nine episodes is anybody’s guess, but it certainly looks like we’re headed for some fireworks.

I’m not real sure what the point of the “popcorn fart” weapons charge was, unless it helps push the FBI’s RICO case against Tony over the top. Still, the fact that he dumped the gun in question nearly three years ago in a snowy field would seem to make it pretty unlikely that this weapons charge would gain much traction at all. Now, if Bobby, who finally popped his cherry in this episode, was foolish enough to use hollow-tip bullets when he whacked the dude in the laundry mat (after Janice told him to get rid of any hollow-tip bullets he had, no less), then maybe there’s some connection here to Tony, but even that seems like a major stretch.

Of course, the main story in this premiere episode was the brawl between Bobby and Tony. Geez, maybe we should’ve included Bobby in the Badass Bracket instead of Tony. You knew something was coming when they showed just how much Tony, Carm, Bobby and Janice were drinking that night, and Janice, as always, couldn’t help but get Tony riled up almost from the moment he arrived for his birthday weekend. You’ve got to respect Bobby for defending his wife and all, but…come on, dude! I mean, when Bobby punched Tony, I said, “Oh shit!” I don’t care how smashed you are – you don’t sucker punch the boss of the family, not if you value your life. That was the definition of a knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s clear that Tony won’t (can’t?) let this go anytime soon. The question, of course, is what are the ramifications?

Tony seemed like he was ready to give Bobby a bigger role in the family, maybe even have him replace Chris as his eventual successor. I say that’s out the window now, but you never know. Tony still seems to be in a reflective state of mind following last season’s near-death experience, staring peacefully out at the water and saying how nice it was at Bobby and Janice’s lake house. Maybe Tony gains some perspective, this all blows over and Bobby slides back into Tony’s good graces. Of course, if you’ve watched enough of this show you know that that’s almost certainly what won’t happen, but we’ll see.

There wasn’t much else beyond the brawl, although judging by the conversation Tony had with Bobby in the boat before the fight and the fact that Tony hung up on Chris when he called to wish him a belated happy birthday, it’s safe to say Chris is sitting firmly in T’s doghouse.

…and yes, I’m still hanging on to my theory that Chris is going to flip. That is, of course, if he hasn’t already.

(Oh, and does Carm know how to wish her man a happy birthday or what? Niiiiiiice.)

Maybe I expected too much. After all, this week’s episode of “The Sopranos” wasn’t the season finale, even though the show is back on hiatus until January. Still, I was hoping for some resolution tonight, for closure on some of the storylines that have been carried (dragged, in some instances) throughout this uneven season. But instead of tying up some loose ends before this six-month intermission, David Chase unraveled a couple of new threads tonight.

First, there’s AJ, who hooked up with Blanca, the hot secretary at his construction site. Problem is, she’s 10 years older than him and she has a three-year-old son. But talk about a MILF…wow. AJ even brought her to Christmas dinner, which certainly surprised Tony and Carm. The thing is, Blanca and AJ seem to get along and he’s great with her kid, so maybe we’re about to see him wake up and show some responsibility, which is exactly what T and Carm want, right? In fact, compare AJ’s feeble assassination attempt on Junior to his decision to give his bike to the three guys who woke Blanca’s son up if they took their loud music somewhere else. Talk about growth; a few weeks ago, he would’ve gone out there as Tony Soprano’s kid and tried to take all three of them on. Maybe the apple fell a little farther from the tree than we thought.

As for Carm, she pushed the Ade situation so far tonight, by asking Tony if they could hire an investigator to track her down, that T relented and had Sil lean on the building inspector. “For all our sakes,” he said to Sil, “my wife needs a career.” Sure, Carm’s content now that she’s got her spec house back, but I don’t think this Ade situation is dead. Hell, some commenters on this site think that Ade’s not even dead. I don’t buy that, but Carm’s not done digging.

The one storyline that nearly came to a head tonight was Tony’s volatile relationship with Phil. After Sil and Carlo “accidentally” took out one of Phil’s guys last week, T needed to distance himself from the incident, so he blew up Phil’s wire room as payback for the hit on Vito. Of course, Phil and his crew aren’t fooled: They know Tony’s responsible for both events and one of Phil’s guys even suggests taking out Tony in response. That’s what I’ve been waiting for all season, some bad blood boiling over between these two families, but it’s only been simmering for the last couple of months. Phil taking out Vito last week was bound to turn up the heat, but Phil won’t go so far as to whack a boss. He is, however, open to taking out someone in Tony’s crew. Before he can move on any plans, though, a heart attack lands Phil in the hospital, which led to one of the better scenes of the episode: Tony comes in to visit Phil and opens up about his supernatural experience while he was in his coma, telling Phil that he needs to cherish his grandkids when he gets out of the hospital before calling a pseudo truce by saying that there was plenty for everyone. I’m sure that won’t fly, but it was a revealing scene in that it showed that Tony hasn’t completely abandoned the “every day is a gift” outlook his own near-death experience offered him. It was even more interesting when you remember that Tony ordered a round of drinks in celebration when he first learned of Phil’s heart attack.

So where does this one go next January? Who the hell knows. How will Phil respond once he’s out of the hospital? He could have a change of heart, much like Tony did, or he could continue being a pain in Tony’s balls. With the way some of Phil’s guys were talking tonight, they could become a real problem too. And, if they follow through with their plans to take someone out in Tony’s family, who’s that going to be? Hmm….

And finally, there’s Chris. Okay, so I don’t still think that he’s a rat (though I so still think it COULD happen), but he obviously isn’t all that worried about crossing and/or betraying Tony. Turns out he’s banging Julianna, whom he met at an AA meeting. Wow, way out of the blue on that one. We got a nice little flashback to fill in the gaps, but to everyone who’s been saying this show doesn’t like to surprise its audience, how do you explain this one? Chris knew about the Julianna/Tony connection but, as he told his buddy, “I don’t know if it’s okay, but fuck (Tony) and what he doesn’t know.” That’s a dangerous road to travel, Chris, and it’s even more dangerous when you’re high out of your mind. Turns out instead of watching out for one another, Julianna and Chris enable each other and Chris, once again, tosses himself off the wagon. Let’s see: a pregnant wife at home, a raging drug problem and an affair with the woman that Tony suddenly can’t get. That’s not a good combo. Chris has been spiraling all season, and things look even darker for him after tonight.

So what do you guys think is going to happen? We’ve got six months to talk about it. Any predictions? Are we going to see the kind of bloodbath that so many fans seem to be clamoring for? I still say someone’s going to flip at some point: agent Harris made a return visit tonight (to tell Tony about the potential hit from Phil’s crew), and those Middle Eastern guys are still hanging around the Bing. They’re up to something, and I can’t wait until we find out exactly what it is.

Unfortunately, that wait is now six months long instead of seven days. Damnit.