Strauss Home / Humor Channel / Bullz-Eye Home

I've been waiting for this for months. 

Finally, it's here.

I can't believe we're already a week into it. The good things in life happen so fast, don't they? 

I never thought this would get here. And now it's staring me right in the face again.

I am so jacked. Just like I know you are.

Truth is, we all have things we look forward to. Getting married. Having kids. Seeing the new Police Academy Movie. But I dunno. There's just something about this…right now… that gets my juices flowing more than anything else in life. 

I can feel the rush of adrenaline in my body. I'm sure you're feeling the same thing, so I don't really need to be telling you this.

It's just that I get so damned fired-up when it's here, I want to stand on top of the tallest building I can find and shout at the top of my lungs:


Yeah, you know it, baby. Somebody better call 9-1-1. 

I've got WNBA Fever.

The thrill of watching those women take charge on a basketball is incomparable to any other feeling I've ever had since I ever started caring about sports. 

Well, there was that time that Joe Frazier tried to swim on The Superstars, but this is better.

Why do I love the Rockers? Because watching women's professional basketball completes me.

Week in and week out, I look forward to witnessing some of the world's greatest athletes soar like Vince Carter and Kobe Bryant and perform miraculous breath-defying dunks.

Well, they can't actually dunk. But that's not why I watch.

I watch because, goddamit, I just love the Rockers. 

I love their name, because even though I'm from Buffalo, I live in Cleveland now. And I am a rocker. 

Or I'm 10 years away from a rocking chair, one of the two.

I love the Rockers because I love the players on my team. I'm looking forward to watching all my favorites in action this year. And quite frankly, every player on the team is my favorite. I love Andrade. And Hall. And Melvin. And Darling. And Nemcova. And Bader Binford. And Johns. And Taylor. And Brown. And Jones. And Rizzotti. 

And if the box score in the paper listed their first names, I'm sure I'd love their first names, too.

I love the Rockers because going to a women's pro basketball game is a great, great experience for any sports fan. And while I've never actually been to a game, per se, I've often thought about going. And I swear that someday soon, when somebody invites me, or I find a stray ticket lying in a drain in Public Square, you can bet your ass that I'll be in that seat, screaming my heart out for my team. 

"Yay team!" "You go, girls!" And "You call that a jump shot?" Those are just a few of the things I would scream if and when I ever go to a Rockers game. Because I love the Rockers. I'm a big Rockers fan. I bleed Rockers blue.

They do wear blue, right? 

When I get up every morning, the first thing I do is run outside to get the newspaper so I can read about the Rockers. Which is not a good idea, actually. 

Technically, the first thing I should do is open the front door. 

I can't tell you how many times I've smashed my freaking nose already. And we're only into the second week of the season.

To me, there's nothing better than sitting at the breakfast table, turning to page 11-C, and rehashing the previous night's Rockers game. Or reading Beetle Bailey.

I keep a Rockers schedule in my wallet just in case somebody needs to schedule a meeting, so I can check to see if there's any type of conflict with a Rockers game.

If I were a criminal and I robbed me, I would steal my Rockers schedule and leave my money, because I would know that losing the schedule would be more painful to me than losing cash. 

That would never happen, of course, because I know that if I ever robbed me, I would know who did it. So I would call the cops on me and get my schedule back from me.

See? I told you I'm crazy. Crazy for the Rockers.

Also, I'm not sure how many guys in jail are into women's pro hoops. And that would really drive me crazy, knowing that I couldn't talk to anyone about my team. 

While I took my shower with my ass to the wall.

The truth is, I've followed a lot of sports in my life. But other than watching those fishing shows on ESPN where the guys fish, talk about fishing and tell you how they caught the fish they were fishing for, nothing has captured my spirit as much as this team in this league.

I think 2001 is going to be a big year for this team. My team. The Cleveland Rockers of the WNBA. 

Last year, the Rockers played many games. They lost some. But they also won several of them. How many they won and lost is not necessarily relevant, nor are they questions I can answer at this exact moment. But as soon as I find out, I promise I'll let you know.

But nevertheless, I'm an optimistic guy, and when I care about a team, I back them 110%. Some people say you can't give more than 100%, but when it comes to the Rockers, I give it my all. Because they give it their all for big fans like me.

Hey, it's not easy for a girl to shoot a ball that high in the air with any accuracy.

I mean, it's not like playing basketball is a gene women are born with. It doesn't come naturally to them like cooking and cleaning. It takes a lot of effort. And I know how hard my girls have been working.

That's why I think this is going to be the year of the Rockers. And if you've followed their off-season moves, you know exactly what to expect this season.

If you're like me, however, and you haven't followed one of their off-season moves -- but you still care a whole lot -- you're both excited and nervous for what the 2001 season holds.

Quite frankly, I see this team going undefeated this year. That's right, no losses. 

Unless they've lost a game, already. Then I see them winning the rest of their games.

I think their coach is going to take this team to the Promised Land this year. I think their coach is one of those special coaches that knows exactly what needs to be done to get everything out of the team's players. 

I also think the coach is either a man or a woman with a name, too.

Until I find out what the coach's name is, I'm going to call him or her "Coach."

"You tell 'em, Coach." "Atta way to push the team, Coach!" "Hey, I really like your suit or dress, Coach!"

Those are just a few of the things I would scream if and when I ever go to a Rockers game. Because I love the Rockers. I'm a big Rockers fan. I bleed Rockers blue.

They do wear blue, right?

So if anybody out there wants to rap about the Rockers, exchange Rockers' memorabilia (I have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Cleveland Rocks" and I crossed out the "s" and wrote an "er" on the end), or just wants to get together with someone who's really into the best team in Cleveland, then let me know. 

I'd love to get a group together to maybe go to a game and cheer our team on to victory.

Because I love the Rockers more than anything in the world.

Well, other than taking a good solid crap.

If you're trying to reach men in their 20s and 30s, or you're trying to reach male readers who have a great sense of humor,'s Humor Channel can be an excellent resource. We offer text link ads and banners of all sizes. Our traffic has grown to more than 60 million page views and 4.5 million unique visitors per month! Contact us and we'll help you meet your advertising needs.