Should you give a woman compliments?

By: David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"

06/02/08

Dating Tips Home / Online Dating Home / Opposite Sex Channel

Have you ever complimented a woman, but then she became "distant"? Or have you ever WANTED to give a compliment, but were too afraid you'd look "needy" if you did? If so, then you need to read this article. David D. will drop knowledge on you about whether or not a woman WANTS to get complimented, what she's thinking when you do, and why most guys give compliments at exactly the WRONG time and ruin their chances forever. (After you read this article, do yourself a favor and pick up a FREE trial of his eBook, Double Your Dating, here.)

This Q&A newsletter is a little different from all of the others that I've done in the past...

This week I'm going to address an email that I got from a WOMAN. Now, I get a lot of email from female readers, and I include a lot of it in the Mailbags... but this particular email just stuck out, and I think that we can all learn something important from it.

Keep reading, because this gets interesting...

***QUESTION***

I agree that your "funny/cocky" routine works very well and women are attracted to it. Yet, I have to disagree with you on one aspect, women LOVE to be complimented. They live for it. Why else, but to get men's attention and be complimented, do they spend hours getting ready, and buy all that sexy clothing? Sure, their faces light up when you make them laugh or they really have fun. But how many times have you seen that special girl smile at you and kiss you like there's no tomorrow when you tell her she's the most incredible thing in the world and that she's so beautiful you just can't stop loving her? Probably never, because you think that's a "wuss" thing to do. But you don't know how wrong you are.

Ben-IL

>>>MY COMMENTS

I'm going to break down the things you're talking about into a few specific topics, then address them individually.

Here are the three that I'd like to address:

1) The idea that women LOVE to be complimented.

2) The idea that women spend all of the time and energy getting ready and fixing themselves up because they want compliments.

3) The difference between complimenting a "special" girl and complimenting just ANY girl.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you read my commentary on this letter and these different topics:

1) We humans (and I'm talking about women in particular here) don't always REALIZE what we REALLY want.

2) We humans don't like to admit what's REALLY going on inside of us, because it can be irrational and illogical.

3) It's very important to realize that there is a CRITICAL difference between a girl you've just met or have dated a few times and a SPECIAL girl in your life.

So let's talk about the topics individually...

THE IDEA THAT WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPLIMENTED

Do women love to be complimented?

I think so.

In fact, I think that many really ATTRACTIVE women FEED off of attention and compliments. The more attention and compliments they get, the better and more powerful they feel. It's an ego boost.

BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's, this doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED to you if you give her compliments.

Attractive women get compliments in various forms all the time. In fact, they're so used to getting compliments, that's what they EXPECT.

As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an attractive woman and say, "Wow, you're really beautiful. I mean, you're like a goddess... are you a model or an actress?” etc., the most LIKELY response you're going to get is her giving you the cold shoulder.

Why?

Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU...

and you showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER guy out there that will worship her for her physical beauty.

As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid being mentally slotted into the "average" and "like all the other guys" category at ALL COST.

Now, I have started conversations by giving a woman a compliment, but I NEVER let it become part of the actual conversation. If anything, I begin teasing and making fun of her looks as soon as possible, if she's REALLY hot-looking. And I never give the compliment in a way that says, "I'm intimidated because you're obviously very powerful and desirable."

On to idea #2...

WOMEN SPEND ALL OF THE TIME AND ENERGY GETTING READY, FIXING THEMSELVES UP, AND DRESSING SEXY TO GET COMPLIMENTS

About 4 or 5 years ago when I was first learning about how to be successful with women, a good friend of mine said something that totally shocked me.

He said: "Women don't dress up for men, they dress up for each other."

I was stunned.

I couldn't understand the logic behind this for the life of me. It still makes me shake my head when I think about it.

As it so happens, I have lived in Southern California for a few years (San Diego and Los Angeles). This is a place where beautiful women from all over the world come to seek fame and fortune.

I have been able to see things and learn things here that would have taken much longer to learn if I had lived in other places, because I can see how attractive women interact with EACH OTHER more often.

If you put a group of attractive women together in a club or bar, and watch them carefully, you'll see something interesting begin to happen...

The women will start doing "catty" things, like looking each other up and down with disgusted looks, making negative comments to their friends about how other women look, and trying to intimidate other women with their eyes.

Most men would never notice this subtle communication that's going on between women, but if you look for it, you'll find it.

The fact is that women don't like to compete with each other on the football field, they compete to be the most attractive.

Men could really care less what a woman is wearing or how she's dressed for the most part.

Sure, it's nice to see a woman dressed well, but it's just not that important.

But for women it's a whole different matter entirely.

Women, and especially attractive women, don't like the idea that another woman is getting more attention than her. And women can tell very quickly if another woman is more attractive...
this leads to "bitch looks", negative comments, and other amazing displays.

To summarize, women don't spend a lot of time fixing themselves up to get compliments, they do it to compete with and impress other women. Ask a few attractive, well-dressed women about this and they'll tell you.

Finally, point #3...

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMPLIMENTING A GIRL YOU DON'T KNOW VERY WELL AND A "SPECIAL" GIRL

My topic is women and dating.

WOMEN AND DATING.

It's not "women you're in a relationship with" or "special girls" or anything of the sort.

After you've gone out with a woman for a few months or so, and she proves to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that she's a great PERSON, then I think it's great to consider making her your "special girl."

And yes, the dynamics change at that point. You can be nicer... you can be more complimentary...
you can do more thoughtful things... At this stage this kind of thing will have a different meaning...

...BUT DON'T EVER TURN INTO A WUSSY!

But, as I just mentioned, if you start talking to an attractive woman and you immediately start with the "You are beautiful and I'm not worthy"
routine, you shoot yourself in the foot.

There's a HUGE opportunity in these first- meeting situations, but most guys never even CONSIDER it because it's not what comes naturally.

The thing to do when you meet an attractive woman is to actually TEASE AND BUST on her a bit, rather than giving her compliments.

This effectively scrambles her whole program and causes her to lose her composure. It takes her off guard and shakes her out of her world... so you can actually have a conversation.

Remember the newsletter awhile back with the guy who walks up to women and says, "Your fly is open", then walks away?

The woman always comes and finds him to say, "You're a JERK!"... and then he laughs at her...

...and the woman winds up going out with him.

Verrrrrry interesting.

Do you think it would work the same way if he walked up to women and said, "You're amazingly beautiful" and then walked away?

I think not.

So, in summary, it's true... women do in fact like compliments. But if you want to make a woman feel that magical feeling of ATTRACTION for you, then you might think twice about giving them too early on.

Women like compliments that they have to WORK FOR a lot more than the ones that just come to them.

...and if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself, "You know, I need to learn this stuff about how to meet and attract women so I can get rid of that insecure and fearful feeling I have", then YOU'RE RIGHT!

I think that every man should invest in himself and learn this skill.

Unfortunately, most guys never take the time and invest in themselves... and they wind up going their whole lives WISHING that they could attract the kinds of women that they want.

Well, I used to be one of the guys who didn't know what he was doing with women. Now I'm one of the guys who can go out anytime, in any situation and attract women.

What's the difference?

I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN.

And if you'd like to learn, then I recommend you learn the things that I learned FIRST.

It's taken me a long time to figure all this stuff out, and it's also taken a lot of time, effort and energy on my part to put it all down on paper and on audio and video... so that any guy can learn from the things I've discovered.

I'd like to personally invite you to check out my materials.

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David DeAngelo is the author of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.