Music DVD Reviews: Review of Styx: One with Everything

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Buy your copy from Styx: One with EverythingstarstarstarstarstarLabel: Eagle Vision
Released: 2006

12:22 PM: Lawrence Gowan has a SPINNING KEYBOARD.
12:23 PM: And the drummer's kit has a double kick. And Tommy Shaw looks a little like Ron Perlman.
12:24 PM: And Gowan looks a little like a ferret.
12:28 PM: Christ, Ricky Phillips looks like he was exhumed for this show.
12:30 PM: Tommy Shaw just said, "One word: AWESOME!"
12:33 PM: And thus begins the first Gowan solo of the evening. This is horrible in the least interesting way possible.
12:34 PM: All the kids in the orchestra are wearing Styx t-shirts! I wonder if they had to buy them.
12:39 PM: Oh Jesus, they're doing a...a Muddy Waters cover? Is that right?
12:40 PM: No, it's worse. A Willie Dixon cover.
12:43 PM: Gowan is singing "I am the Walrus."
12:44 PM: He has this weird white stripe in his hair, kind of like the mom at the end of "Poltergeist." You've got to assume that Styx covering the Beatles ranks somewhere at the bottom of the list of things most people ever wanted to hear.
12:46 PM: These are men lacking self-awareness.
12:48 PM: First standing ovation of the night.
1:03 PM: Harp shot!
1:04 PM: If Dennis DeYoung purposely kept the band from playing his songs, he's an idiot.
1:06 PM: I mean, on this CD/DVD project alone, the royalties would have bought him a, I don't know, at least a milkshake. Who doesn't like a milkshake?
1:23 PM: Gowan is actually a pretty dead ringer for DeYoung, vocally.
1:27 PM: I wonder what it's like to be Lawrence Gowan. To know the peak of your career is being not quite Dennis DeYoung. Oh shit, he's out from behind the keyboard. This looks like still shots I've seen from "Rock Star: Supernova."
1:30 PM: James Young changed his clothes! What kind of pussy shit is this?
1:31 PM: Gowan has the stage presence of a young, inebriated Barry Manilow.
1:35 PM: Christ, they're going to do a medley. Eighteen Styx songs in one. I always wondered what was playing on the PA in the biggest supermarket in Hell. You know, now that he's shaved, James Young looks kind of like a cross between James Hetfield and Carson Kressley.
1:45 PM: Shit, now the kids are doing the One-Armed Wave. As if making them play backup for Styx wasn't close enough to child abuse.  Synchronized multiple stand-up cello spin!
1:58 PM: All right, I can't take this anymore. I'm turning it off.
2:00 PM: Ahhhh...sweet, blessed silence. Fuck you, Styx.

~Jeff Giles