CD Review of I Am Come by Part Chimp

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I Am Come
starstarstarstarstar Label: Monitor Records
Released: 2005
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Like stripper sweat, or sucking down cough syrup with codeine via a plastic spoon, it tastes gross but you kinda like it. Hell, it’s all a means to an end. Much could hold true for Part Chimp. You just have to wonder how these dudes were raised. Where a person comes from says a lot about who they wind up to be. Like me, for instance: I was raised by dwarfs, I used to rewire my Speak & Spell so it would accurately pronounce curse words, and I existed on a diet of Cheetos and Tab. Not much has changed, really, except that now it’s harder to find Tab.

I’m a bit scared to see Part Chimp live. Not because I think they would suck. I clearly don’t. But I can bet they are so loud that... You know on South Park when Cartman changed the music during the recorder festival in Arkansas and everybody involuntarily shat themselves? Well, it would probably be like that. I’m simply afraid I would shit myself. I’d obviously try really hard not to, but my efforts would be futile. They rock that intensely.

The video for the track “War Machine” is brutal and perfect. One of the dudes in the band is wearing a paper bag or something on his head and there are a bunch of children hanging out. Dude, if you have kids, letting them hang out with Part Chimp exemplifies your “good parenting skills” about as much as letting them hang out with Michael Jackson. At least with Michael they had a chance to ride some cool rollercoasters and pet his monkey (Okay. We both know where your mind just went. We both know you want me to say something about “blowing Bubbles.” Please refrain from such “toilet humor” gentlemen, this is a classy review.) The only thing kids get from hanging out with Part Chimp is the embarrassment of pissing the bed until they’re 18 and chronic nightmares. Poor little bastards.

So, find the courage within yourself to buy this record and you won’t be disappointed. Also, blow bubbles. Ha. There, I said it.

~Josh Preston