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Random observations: week five of the NFL season
by: Shawn Griffin from SportsTerminal.com
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I was considering writing a column about the whole "Johnnie Cochran suing the NFL for not having enough black coaches" thing, but why waste a large amount of energy and space on this Website for a phony piece of crap like Cochran? Let's not forget who this clown is -- he's a wife beater, first and foremost. Secondly, he is most remembered for convincing a jury with a collective I.Q. of a retarded farm animal to let a double murderer escape justice. He preys upon the bitterness and fears of certain people and exploits that for his own financial and personal gain. I just hope the NFL has some balls on this one. If they even give this guy five minutes, I'll lose a lot of respect for them. If a more respectable individual wanted to meet with NFL officials to discuss this issue, I would have no problem with it. But this guy? Give me a break.
I am really getting sick of everybody complaining about the Cleveland Browns fans booing an injured Tim Couch last weekend. That's not what occurred. The fans were cheering the fact that Kelly Holcomb was coming into the game. The overwhelming majority of fans would never boo an injured Tim Couch. Why doesn't the national media give you the whole story? Because it's much more interesting to discuss fans booing an injured Couch than it is to talk about what really happened.
Sean Salisbury is the least talented football analyst ESPN has. I would put more merit into Stuttering John's NFL analysis than Salisbury's takes on the game.
I dream of meeting the following people in a crowded airport so I could publicly humiliate them: O.J. Simpson, David Modell, Barbara Streisand and any of the Baldwin brothers.
Heather Locklear is 41 years old. I really don't have a comment on that one -- just wanted to let everybody know. Am I the only one who thinks Pamela Anderson looked much better without all the enhancements than she does now?
List of the most disappointing teams so far:
1. St. Louis Rams -- Mike Martz a genius? Sure, and I'm a brain surgeon.
2. Pittsburgh Steelers -- I'm sorry, but if you think an ex-XFL player is going to lead your team to the playoffs, you have some problems.
3. Seattle Seahawks -- Hey, Coach Homlgren, how long before you figure out that just because you're a good coach, it doesn't automatically translate into being a good G.M.? Hopefully, for Seattle fans, sooner rather than later….
4. Chicago Bears -- They go from having no injuries to being decimated by them in one season. That being said, their offensive play-calling is pathetic. It's like they give the defense a few plays off during each series on purpose.
5. N.Y. Jets -- Paul Hackett. What else needs to be said?
List of the most surprising teams so far:
1. Jaguars -- Just when you think the three-headed monster of Brunell, Taylor and Smith is history, "they pull you right back in!"
2. Arizona Cardinals -- They are finally drafting talented players and Jake Plummer is playing much smarter football.
3. Kansas City Chiefs -- They have the most dangerous offense in the NFL. How could the Ravens let Priest Holmes go for absolutely nothing?
4. Miami Dolphins -- Ricky Williams was the second-best offseason acquisition in the NFL (right after the Bills obtaining Drew Bledsoe).
5. N.Y. Giants -- The Giants have only scored 76 points through five games…but still have won three out of their first five. Why? Their defense has only allowed 81 points. They are the only team in the league with a winning record that has scored less than they have given up.
Who is the quarterback now in Cincinnati? First it was Gus, then it was Kitna, then it was Akili Smith…now back to Kitna. Please, Mr. Brown, the good fans of the Bengals deserve much better than this. Sell the team, you greedy SON of a legend. Try doing something on your own for the first time in your life. You'll feel much better if you do.
This is so typical of my fantasy luck: I had the first two choices in my keeper league draft and took William Green and T.J. Duckett instead of Clinton Portis. William Green is just awful. If you watch his college highlights and then watch his NFL lowlights, you will swear the one the Browns chose is an imposter.
Hey Coach Martz, instead of installing 400 new plays into the game plan this week to show everybody what a genius you are, how about concentrating on having your team properly execute some of the existing plays?
I don't care what you say about Ray Lewis -- whenever I see that punk, all I can think of is how two people were murdered by his entourage and instead of cooperating with the police, he misled them and got rid of some bloody clothes. I will cheer louder than ever if he is ever knocked into next week and injured during a game. Yes, I will cheer if he gets injured.
Speaking of cheering and booing, Browns OL Ryan Tucker was asked how he felt about getting booed by the home crowd. He pulled out the old, "I don't come to your work, Mr. Fan, and boo you; therefore you shouldn't boo us." Ryan, when I start charging 75 bucks for a ticket and six bucks for a beer for you to watch me at work, then yes, you can boo or cheer whenever the hell you want. But until that happens, your cute little comparison only makes you look like a fool. Now shut up about the fans and worry about doing something you haven't done in about three years, and that's open up a hole for a running back.
Don't you think the Bears, Redskins and Steelers wish they could turn back time and obtain Drew Bledsoe? Especially the Steelers -- with Bledsoe, they would be a Super Bowl type team.
Do you realize that Kerry Collins has thrown for the second-most yards in the NFC, yet his offense (as mentioned earlier) has only scored 76 points in five games? It all comes down to the red zone, baby.
Lamar Smith has more rushing yards (413) this season than the following running backs: Marshall Faulk, Anthony Thomas, Stephen Davis, Shaun Alexander, Corey Dillon, Fred Taylor, Edgerrin James, Antowain Smith, Eddie George and Curtis Martin. What do you think the odds would have been on that one before the season started? And if you chose him in your fantasy draft, don't call it anything but luck.
I know I have written this before, but as far as I'm concerned, the only NFL announcer worth a damn is Al Michaels. The rest are moronic former players or John Madden wannabes. Brent Jones is without a doubt the cream of the crap. Speaking of NFL announcers, I have a pet peeve that I want to share. Why is it that an announcer chooses one player during a game and talks about that player constantly, regardless of what is going on? I honestly thought John Madden wanted to bear Brett Favre's children after watching the MNF game this past week. He was fawning all over him like a schoolgirl with a crush on a boy. It was almost embarrassing. This happens all the time. Paul Macguire had to clean his knees off after the Sunday night game. He wouldn't shut up about Ray Lewis. I wanted to throw one of those Styrofoam bricks at the screen whenever they showed his fat face.
If a fruitcake like David Schwimmer can make more than 20 million bucks a year for a show that jumped the shark about seven years ago, then you bet your ass that I think an NFL player deserves that much, if not more, for putting his health on the line every week entertaining us. NFL players are without any shadow of a doubt the toughest athletes in any sport.
Best game of last week: Saints 32, Steelers 29.
Best game for this week: Dolphins at Broncos.
Until next week, I leave you with this quote to ponder (that's the first time I have ever used the word "ponder" in a column -- please give me 5 points):
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
~George Carlin
See more of Shawn at SportsTerminal.com,
and e-mail him at shawng@sportsterminal.com!
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