Old people aren’t always sunshine and smiles. Some can be difficult to deal with, whether they are cantankerous by nature or suffering from dementia. It can be very wearing to have to manage someone who hurls abuse at you or blames you for everything, whether it is your elderly mother or you work in a nursing home.
If your parent or another senior has an attitude problem and you find it difficult to manage, we have some tips for you that don’t involve losing your temper and screaming abuse back at them. Even if it is tempting at times!
Have Some Empathy
Put yourself in the person’s shoes and think about what they are going through. Chances are, their grumpiness hasn’t come from nowhere. They may have dementia, in which case they can’t help being bad-tempered – it’s all part of the disease progression. They could also be in pain. Conditions like arthritis are very painful at times and anyone who’s in pain is bound to be less than cheerful. A lot of old people also fear losing their independence, which makes them scared. And when people are scared, they lash out at the person closest to them, which is you.
Before you react badly to a show of temper or nasty comment, hold that thought and try to think about where it’s coming from. If discomfort or pain is the cause, arrange a doctor’s appointment to check if they need their medication changed.
If the anger comes from a place of fear, look at how you can address this. Perhaps your elderly parent is fearful of leaving their home. If so, talk to them about their options, such as an assisted senior living home, where they can be independent while being taken care of. It could help alleviate their worries.
Practice Patience
Patience is a virtue as our mothers always said. It is important to be patient and calm when dealing with cantankerous old people, even if it’s difficult. Often, being patient and calm can help to defuse a difficult situation. If you bite back, the person’s anger and frustration may escalate, which does nobody any good.
If you can’t stay calm, at least leave the room for a few minutes while you get a firmer grasp of your emotions. Take a few deep breaths and count to ten.
Find Distractions
Boredom and loneliness are powerful triggers for depression and anger. One way to help strengthen the bond between you and the person who’s being difficult is to find distracting activities for them. Try and encourage the person to take up something they might enjoy, like painting or playing puzzle apps on an iPad.
Look for activities you can do together. For example, if your elderly mother used to enjoy gardening but her arthritis prevents her from doing this now, take her for a trip to visit a lovely garden in the local area, so she can enjoy the plants. It could be a fun day out for both of you.
Not every interaction with a grumpy old person needs to be a battle of wills. Treat them with dignity and respect and always practice empathy.
Tags: assisted living
