This title is a lie by omission. What most people don’t realize is that the same tricks to improve your dating life are those that you use to improve all other aspects of your life as well. For men, improving your life and bringing happiness to yourself as an individual will give you the most valuable currency in dating, which is emotional stability.
Younger men, similar to younger women, don’t know that emotional stability is the main value of a man and focus on the common byproducts of this state, which is money, happiness, and social influence. But, apart from said happiness, that should come fairly quickly, all others need time and may come eventually if you want them to.
But, you will always be able to not only attract but keep attracting the best partner you possibly can, all without damaging your own sense of self.
#0 Don’t Lie
This one’s a bonus; a general pre-requirement for working on yourself. It doesn’t mean not telling the whole truth to anyone you come across, but always telling the truth to yourself.
Be honest about what you have and what you want. In many if not most cases this will be something that is not really upstanding and might sound shallow. But the truth is the truth.
Don’t tell yourself that you want a stable home with a good wife if you aim for tattooed models and champagne showers, or vice versa. The only thing you can achieve by doing that is to be the grand winner of a prize you didn’t want in the first place.
#1 De-focus
Most lifestyle, dating, business, or spirituality gurus will tell you to focus. What those gurus don’t understand is that people usually don’t focus on good things. There is more than a good chance that you don’t know what you want and how you want it but have just been told.
Because of this chance that you are chasing other people’s goals, you need to lower the focus in your life. Take a breather, zoom out, and try to realize if you are even on the right path.
Even with your current abilities, it is very likely that you are spending too much energy on something that you don’t need, or want. Here you need to find the right way for yourself.
What that way is you won’t find with any other person, including your future partner and especially some article online, because you are the only person who knows where it leads.
#2 Cut the Excess
Once you have refocused you will understand how many misconceptions you have about yourself. This is a hard and painful process because you will literally be killing a part of your personality, suffocating it with your bare hands. That is the part of you that doesn’t live with other people, but for other people, and only for other people.
Going through this process will make everything clearer, and leave you more energized for the future. It will also start attracting possible partners on its own, as other humans will start feeling that you are now stronger, faster, and more focused without all the additional weight of your false self.
#3 Accept Risks & Loss
This is one of the most important steps, but also the easiest.
We are currently trained to only see victory as acceptable and to see defeat and loss as something shameful that nobody should ever endure. In fact, the opposite is the truth. And, without tasting the bitterness of defeat there is no sweetness in victory.
Without accepting rejection as the norm, you will never be satisfied with those partners that do accept you.
Before you start watering your emotions, you can start smaller. If you are a gamer, ramp up the difficulty until it is pure punishment. Once you are used to that, go bet some money in an online casino. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just enough to get your blood flowing.
You need to place yourself in a position where all loss is acceptable. You just try tomorrow again. If it’s not good, it’s not yet over.
#4 Know Your Prize
The casino we mentioned is a good analogy because it will teach you how to recognize your prize. Small investments garner small gains, and large investments come with a lot of risks. Managing this will allow you to act in a moment’s notice without losing time or energy.
In dating, this will give you the ability to understand the value of the proverbial prize you are after and not overestimate or underestimate its worth.
Same as in a casino, you will start small and don’t overextend yourself. But, if you realize at some point that you are playing the game of your life, you might want to go all in. And, because you have learned to accept a loss, defeat is just a temporary rest before the next game.
#5 Play Fair
This is the one where real dating actually begins. Once you have built yourself as a person, you can attract the best person on the other side of the aisle. This process can last between a day and a lifetime, but it is possible if you accept that you have the will for it.
As you have your emotional stability and spiritual center, you don’t need to use tricks or gimmicks to fool someone into liking or loving you. Be truthful and be fair. Tell them what you want, how you want it, and what are you willing to do to get it.
You are not selling yourself, you are living your best life, and you are simply inviting others if they would like to participate. Trust that almost everyone will say yes, and your only issue will be who to invite.
