Lasko Club: Liquid courage for your next polka party
If you ever find yourself thinking about dancing a polka, either you’ve already had too many beers or you’re going to be in need of many. Those old people hopping around like that are not sober. It takes a certain amount of alcohol to tune the ears into that sort of music. If you’re going to do it right, and party like it’s 1899, the first order of business is to get some dancing facilitator down the throat. You could do worse if those old people have buckets of Lasko Club on hand for the purpose.
That’s not to say you’d be doing particularly well. There are several Eastern European lagers that usually turn up in certain quarters. Sometimes they’re difficult to find outside of a polka dance and a handful of ethnic restaurants, and, even then, the selection will usually be limited to one. They’re all mostly very similar and forgettable anyway. The arguments about which is best usually hinge more on where the debaters are from, rather than on what the beer actually tastes like. The geezers from Slovenia are going to prefer Lasko.
And, they may be right. Lasko Club is certainly less offensive than most of the competition. It pours a straw gold with a quickly fading white head. There’s only a faint aroma, but if you really concentrate, you’ll detect the usual grassy smell. It doesn’t have much of that tinny odor that usually crops up in the beers of this type. It’s even a little sweeter than some others but, so far, almost indistinguishable from practically every other Eastern European pilsner wannabe.
It doesn’t get any more interesting in the flavor. But these aren’t made to be savored and debated over. These are to get you up and hopping to the accordion with your grandmother’s friend. These taste even softer than the WaterbeerLites so popular in this country. They start out a touch sweeter and finish with a little bit of grainy hops, but they go down like water. There’s not a harsh bite to be found. Even the metallic taste (that every beer from Eastern Europe seems required to have) is very slight. If these are ice cold, you might not even notice that they are beer.
Lasko goes with food about as well as the air you breathe. That is, it doesn’t complement anything so much as just wash it down unnoticed. These aren’t going to enhance the dining experience, but it may speed it up. Don’t sip. Don’t linger. Quit eating entirely. After eight or 10, you’ll be ready to get out on the dance floor. They’re 4.9 percent alcohol, so it’ll take a fair few to get you going, but they’re light enough that that won’t be a problem.
Lasko Club is neither flavorful nor complex. It’s not abrasive either, though. They are about as smooth and easy as beer gets. So smooth and easy, they hardly seem like beer. They would be just fine ice cold on a hot day. But, there are many others that would be substantially better. There isn’t really much to enjoy in drinking a Lasko Club. There are some subtle, countryside flavors, but they’re almost not even worth the trouble of finding. This is a beer made to keep you from choking on the sausage and cabbage dinner, and get you in the mood to happily make a fool of yourself at a polka. They’re not good for anything else. Drink them up and forget about them. Then make a note to treat yourself to a proper beer next time.