hey're cute, they're sweet, they're almost too good to be true…and yet, for some reason, we often spend years upon years failing to recognize just how awesome they are. Such is the life of the Girls Next Door.
Often, the worst crime committed by these poor lasses is that they don't project in the same way as their friends and co-workers. Poor Mary Ann Summers just couldn't compete with a movie star like Ginger Grant, while Bailey Quarters was stuck in the shadow of Jennifer Marlowe's significant attributes at WKRP. Sometimes, they're the most conservative girl in the bunch, as with Charlotte York, or they spend so long trying to be "one of the boys" that the boys start to forget that they're actually girls, as has been the case with Joey Potter or Kate O'Brien. What's even worse, though, is when you realize that they might actually be better at doing boy stuff than you are, like Maggie O'Connell. Of course, just because they're cute doesn't mean they can't still be a handful, particularly if they have close family ties, like Denise Huxtable or Kim Bauer. (Talk about two fathers you wouldn't want to piss off.)
Whether you're on a deserted tropical island or in a small town in Alaska, there's always a girl next door, and Bullz-Eye has selected our 10 favorites, so open your eyes and see what you've been missing. And be sure to come back on Friday, April 27th, to see who won and to place your vote for the next category, "Coworkers with Benefits."
Lisa Bonet, "The Cosby Show"
Wow. Just...wow. When we were first introduced to Cliff and Claire Huxtable's second daughter, Denise...well, we can't really talk about that too much, given that she was still in her teens. We can at least observe, however, that even in those early days, it was already evident that Denise was a free spirit, someone who was a real sweetheart but was unafraid to buck the current trends in hairstyles and fashion in favor of following her own direction. Make that several directions. During the course of our time with Denise, we saw her attend Hillman College, quit Hillman College, travel to Africa, marry a divorcé with a daughter, come back to the States with her husband and new stepdaughter in tow, and, in the end, follow them onto her husband's next assignment...in Singapore! Not that we're not optimistic here at Bullz-Eye, but given her tendency for transition, we have to figure that she's available again by now...and if she is, then it's a safe bet that she's just as beautiful as she ever was. Just don't make any long-term plans.
Janine Turner, "Northern Exposure"
Okay, so her appearance was sometimes a little butch, especially during the early years of our acquaintance with her, but Maggie O'Connell made up for her no-nonsense hairstyle with the sort of looks (and bodacious bod) that could make a man forget about the long, dark winters in a place like Cicely, Alaska...a trick she performed (albeit often unwillingly) for the town's physician under duress, Joel Fleischman, for almost five years. That Fleischman was willing to pursue – and even propose to – O'Connell, despite her thorny personality and creepy collection of dead ex-boyfriends, was a testament to the big, beautiful heart that beat beneath those big, beautiful...eyes. Plus, she could fly a plane, fix your busted water heater, tune up your car's engine, and co-exist platonically with a guy like Chris Stevens, the New Age philosopher/DJ/boho artist who managed to get laid more often than eggs despite living in a tiny, remote village. What else could a guy want in a TV Girlfriend?
Anna Paquin, "True Blood"
Ms. Stackhouse has a lot of fine qualities. For a start, she's smart, she's loyal, and she's cute as hell. But there's one other thing that makes her special: she can read minds. Now, clearly, if you're the type of guy who has impure thoughts about other women, then Sookie might not be the girl for you. But if you truly love her and you don't ever think about stepping out on your woman, Sookie's abilities could be quite profitable. Imagine having her on your side at a Texas Hold 'Em tournament...or when you go to buy a new car. In fact, she'd be the trump card in just about any negotiation. You'd have some convincing to do, though, as Sookie doesn't like to use her ability to take advantage of others, but she will use her powers for good. Unfortunately, Sookie has a thing for vampires, so unless you're one of the walking undead, it's going to be tough to convince her that you're her soul mate. Actually, considering that everyone around her seems to end up dead, maybe that isn't such a bad thing....
Dawn Wells, "Gilligan's Island"
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale about the woman that every guy wanted as their girlfriend, even if they knew that, according to the Code of the Guy's Guy, they were really supposed to find more lust in their heart for Ginger Grant, a.k.a. "the movie star." Hailing from Winfield, Kansas, Mary Ann probably didn't get into too much trouble in America's heartland, but once she entered the real world, she quickly learned that you can make one mistake – in this case, the decision to take a seemingly-innocent three-hour tour on the S.S. Minnow – and pay for it for years. We never really knew a lot about Mary Ann's past, aside from her state of origin and the fact that she once dated a guy named Horace Higgenbotham (the lucky SOB), but, really, did it matter? When you're stranded on a desert island, your standards tend to drop pretty low. In this case, though, they didn't need to: in addition to being crazy cute with a tight little figure, Mary Ann had mad cooking skills – coconut cream pie, anyone? – and could seriously rock the pigtails. Some would say that you'd end up a winner no matter which side of the Ginger / Mary Ann coin came up, but if we were looking for someone to stick with us for the long haul, we'd go with Mary Ann every single time.
Jennie Garth, "Beverly Hills 90210"
Kelly Taylor has come a long way, baby...so long, in fact, that it's a little hard to believe that she's being considered for the "Girls Next Door" category. She's always been jaw-droppingly attractive, but when she first encountered Brandon and Brenda Walsh, she was – let's face it – a spoiled little rich girl. But over the course of her years at West Beverly High, California University, and beyond, she went through so much incredibly awful shit that all you really want to do now is just hold her and tell her everything's going to be all right. Seriously, let's go through the list: she had a rotten family life, she's been addicted to diet pills and cocaine, she's been raped, stalked, shot, joined a cult (accidentally), got pregnant (probably also accidentally), then had a miscarriage. She even had amnesia, for God's sake! But, dammit, Kelly's a tough gal, and she made it through all of that stuff, going on to achieve her Master's Degree and, in a brilliant full-circle move, return to West Beverly as a guidance counselor. Now that's the kind of spunk you want in a girlfriend.
The first five nominees in the "Girl Next Door" category are all worthy objects of our affection, but they certainly aren't the only TV cuties to win our hearts. Below you'll find five more lovely ladies to consider before placing your vote for Bullz-Eye's "Girl Next Door" TV Girlfriend.
Elisha Cuthbert, "24"
Her gorgeous look aside, Kim is a girlfriend that comes with a few drawbacks: for one, she has a rather remarkable knack for getting herself kidnapped and/or arrested (often multiple times in one day). The real concern, however, lies in the fact that she's Jack Bauer's daughter. After all, who wants to have TV's most renowned torture artist as their girlfriend's dad? Well, we do, actually. For the beautiful and strong-minded Kimmie, we'll tolerate just about anything.
Christa Miller, "The Drew Carey Show"
They say that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and Kate O'Brien is living proof of that, though in a different way. We were instantly charmed by her looks and her tomboy ways, but she owned us the second we saw that she was willing to go through fast food drive-thrus and drive aimlessly through town playing "Name That French Fry" in order to cheer up her best friend. In interview terms, she's a DeLTOGA: don't let this one get away.
Katie Holmes, "Dawson's Creek"
This girl next door comes equipped with a ladder straight to your bedroom window, but be careful not to let Joey Potter's sweet, innocent, side-of-her-mouth smile fool you. She's got a history of being more than a little bit fickle when it comes to guys. During her six years in Capeside, she bounced from Dawson to Pacey to her college professor and back again, moving faster than a Tom Cruise sofa hop, if you will. Of course, for those deceptively hot looks and her always-thoughtful conversation (a highly underestimated quality in a girlfriend), we'd still gladly add ourselves to that list.
Jan Smithers, "WKRP in Cincinnati"
Let's consider this an updated version of the previously-discussed Ginger vs. Mary Ann quandary, shall we? Sure, you've got the drop-dead gorgeous blonde with inconceivable measurements staring you in the face, as it were, but is there anything more wonderful than an incredibly cute girl who doesn't realize she's cute? Bailey's sweet to a fault, and she's got the look of a librarian...except, y'know, the kind who, when she takes off her glasses and lets her hair down, makes you shout, "Good heavens, Miss Quarters, you're beautiful!" Just offer her your confidence in her looks and abilities – which she already richly deserves, anyway – and she could be yours.
Kristin Davis, "Sex and the City"
Park Avenue princess Charlotte York is the kind of girl you'd want to bring home to mom: a modern day Jackie Kennedy who's beautiful, smart, and – perhaps most importantly – prefers personality over looks. (How do you think a bald guy named Harry Goldenblatt ended up with her?) She comes from a wealthy family as well, so as long as you don't mind wearing polo shirts with sweaters tied over your back, you'd be filthy rich in no time. Plus, though she may sound like a total prude, this prim and proper girl-next-door has been known to get kinky when it counts.
Now that you've seen our 10 nominees in the "Girl Next Door" category, it's time to make your voice heard by voting for your favorite. If you need to refresh your memory before casting your ballot, click the thumbnails below to revisit each nominee's writeup. Then, come back on Monday, April 27 for the unveiling of the next TV Girlfriends list, "Coworkers with Benefits," and to see which character prevailed in the "Girl Next Door" voting.
|Pretty, Vacant Girlfriends||Coworkers with Benefits|