uys will tell you that they want a woman that looks, well, like the women on our site; curvy, sexy, the textbook definition of the fairer sex. What they won't tell you is that they also secretly desire the exact opposite; a sleek, toned fighting machine that would just as soon punch you in the face as they would make you breakfast. Indeed, as a testament to Darwin's visionary thinking, we have seen the development of a hybrid of those two types, women with the body of a centerfold and the eye of the tiger. Evolution: nature's wish factory.
In honor of this magnificent advancement in the human race, Bullz-Eye pays tribute to the ten women that can kick our collective asses any day of the week. If this looks like familiar territory, it's because it is – in this month's installment of our year-long TV Girlfriends piece, we honor what we've dubbed the Fox Force Five – which is why we are sticking to the world of movies here, in order to avoid double-dipping. Double-dipping? Forgive us, but with women like these, the double entendres pretty much write themselves.
The Bride (a.k.a. Beatrix Kiddo)
Uma Thurman, "Kill Bill"
The Klingons may say that "revenge is a dish best served cold," but that doesn't mean revenge has to be cold-blooded. The borderline superhuman, hyper-deadly protagonist of the "Kill Bill" films is as passionate as she is brutally efficient. As played in one of the most astonishing tour de force film performances of recent years by Uma Thurman, the Bride's roaring rampage of bloody revenge may be relentless and without mercy, but it's also filled with controlled emotion. It's much more than a wounded sense of honor that motivates her as she seeks out those who left her for dead while slaughtering her defenseless, record-store owning fiancé and her entire wedding party. No, when it finally comes time to take on the man behind it all, the father of the child she was about to bear, we realize that what's motivating the entire orgy of vengeance is thwarted love, both the romantic and the parental kind. The woman born Beatrix Kiddo may be a perfectly trained, natural born genius of murder who happens to be absolutely stunning even while drenched in blood, but she's still capable of deep affection, even for the man who ordered her death. That's real beauty.
Pam Grier, "Foxy Brown"
The undisputed queen of Blaxploitation…and we mean that in the most complimentary way possible. When we first meet Foxy Brown in the film which bears her name, she offers us a wink and a smile as Willie Hutch performs her ass-shaking theme song. Things only get better from there, with Foxy demonstrating her mad driving skills as she saves her brother from getting his ass kicked, but it isn't until her boyfriend – government agent Michael Anderson – is shot down in cold blood by The Man that she really starts kicking ass herself…and getting some serious revenge. To confirm that her inclusion in this list is a must, however, we need only cite one specific example. Once Foxy finally catches up with Katherine Wall, the woman ultimately responsible for Michael's death, she kills two of Katherine's men and shoots her in the arm, but the denouement comes with Foxy presenting Katherine with her boyfriend Steve's penis in a jar, saying, "The rest of your man is still around, and I hope you two live a long time, then maybe you can feel some of what I feel. Death is too easy for you, bitch. I want you to suffer." Damn, baby!
Linda Hamilton, "Terminator"
She was just a simple California girl living the single life, and then in an instant, the fate of mankind lay in her hands (or more accurately, her womb). And unlike the other women on this list, who were faced with dispatching mere mortals, Sarah Connor had to deal with an unstoppable killing machine from the future. But stop it she did, though those rat bastards at Cyberdyne covered it all up and had her sent to the loony bin for sabotaging their facility. What we like most about Sarah is that when we first meet her, she's just like us; she doesn't have extraordinary abilities, or a take-no-prisoners mentality. She's just a girl who gets a quick lesson in toughening up because if she doesn't, she's dead. Of course, we also love Sarah because she looked fabulous as both a curvy soft body and a military-minded hard body. She may not be the most physically intimidating woman on this list, but her will power might be the deadliest weapon any of these women possesses.
Rose McGowan, "Grindhouse"
Cherry Darling may start out as just another damsel in distress at the beginning of Robert Rodriguez's "Planet Terror," but after she's saved from an army of biologically mutated zombies, the sexy stripper/aspiring stand-up comic unknowingly begins her training to become the future leader of the human resistance. Though Cherry already had a killer body before a particularly hungry zombie ripped off one of her legs (heck, she even looked good with a piece of wood sticking out of it), it literally becomes a killing machine when El Wray is done with her. And to be honest, we much prefer the replacement that he attaches to her stump. After all, if your girlfriend was stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, what would you rather she had: a human leg or an AK-47 with an attached grenade launcher that causes a slight limp? We'd choose the latter, especially after seeing the kind of damage that Cherry can cause when combined with some basic pole-dancing movies. The ultimate male fantasy doesn't get much closer than that.
Famke Janssen, "Goldeneye"
That our list would include a Bond girl in some capacity was pretty much a given, but which one? And would she be a heroine or a villainess? With such delightful double-entendre names as Pussy Galore, Plenty O'Toole, and Holly Goodhead, the competition was fierce, but when push came to shove, we had to go with the woman whose thighs could make a grown man cry…and then die. Based on the way she took down Admiral Farrell at the beginning of "Goldeneye," it's probable that Onatopp could've taken the Canadian Forces Maritime Command in no time flat. She's ridiculously hot, but the fact that she clearly derives sexual arousal from violence and gunplay (remember her moans of pleasure as she fired off her AKSU-74 carbine?) make her a very scary partner, indeed. Basically, if she's turned on, then you're not long for this world. Though some might question her ass-kicking abilities due to the fact that, by the end of "Goldeneye," Onatopp is six feet under, we say this: whether they're living or dead, anyone who can crush the life out of someone with nothing but the power of their thighs deserves your respect.
Angelina Jolie, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"
Angelina Jolie has been most generous when it comes to giving the world ass-kicking hotties, but with all due respect to the tomb-raiding Lara Croft and the bullet-curving Fox from "Wanted," Jane Smith gets our vote for three reasons: the sheer volume of her work, her ability to juggle her life as a contract killer with her ordinary suburban cover as the wife of John Smith, and for taking the time to do some dirty dancing in a thunderstorm. Of course, Jane doesn't know that John is also an assassin until each is assigned to kill the other, and the merging of her work life with her home life causes Jane to supernova in spectacular fashion (their first attempt at killing each other ends in the best sex they've had in ages). Soon the conservative black tops with pearl necklaces and hair piled into a super-tight bun slowly give way to white sheer blouses and tousled, just-finished-having-sex hair…and Jane kills ten times as many people as she did before. Our best guess is that she got the drop on at least half of them as they stared longingly at her cleavage.
Carrie-Anne Moss, "The Matrix"
She's a computer hacker who treats leather clothing like a second skin, possesses an intimate knowledge of martial arts, and has nearly as many confirmed kills as Rambo. She can also defy gravity and has the legs of a runway model. In other words, she's a fanboy's wet dream, the Kelly Brock character from "Weird Science" with a late-‘90s makeover. Neo may be The One, but Trinity is The One You Don't Fuck With, a born fighter fiercely devoted to the cause who can deliver a debilitating kick to the face, even if her opponent is standing behind her. Carrie-Anne Moss was an inspired casting choice to bring Trinity to life; her previous work on "Models, Inc." speaks for her hotness, but not too hot, lest she make for an unrealistic badass. (Jessica Alba, for example, will never get a part like this.) Her look also proved to be quite influential in the coming years. Just ask our next honoree…
Kate Beckinsale, "Underworld"
Carrie-Anne Moss may have been the first to don the look in "The Matrix," but Kate Beckinsale takes skin-tight leather to new levels of sexiness as the Death Dealer Selene in the "Underworld" series. Squeezed into a black leather catsuit and armed with an arsenal of weapons including a pair of Walther P99s, full automatic Berettas, and silver nitrate bullets, Selene isn't your typical female vampire. While all the other girls in the coven are busy partying it up with their fellow neck-biters, she actually makes use of her superhuman abilities by playing an integral part in the war against the Lycans. For as much as we love watching Selene take down her furry adversaries, however, she's at her most impressive when fighting her own kind – like slicing bigger and badder vampires in half with a big-ass sword. The fact that she can do all that and still walk away looking like a supermodel is certainly impressive, but it's the British accent that really drives us wild.
Summer Glau, "Serenity"
A mega-genius with a severe psychosis induced by the heartless agents of the interplanetary Alliance, River Tam – the elfin human secret weapon of "Serenity" and the "Firefly" television series before it – is a whole lot more than an adorable but potentially deadly basket case. As portrayed with sensitivity and grace by doe-eyed ballerina-turned-actress Summer Glau, the tragedy of her situation is never far from our minds. Still very young and incredibly gifted, she has been violated and damaged by brutal forces bent on turning her into a human weapon of war. Because she's in such obvious pain, Glau's River Tam brings out our protective side, while at the same time scaring us half to death with her seemingly inexplicable, near deadly rages. Finally she inspires awe when she learns, not a moment too soon, to appropriately channel her gracefully destructive skills. Gorgeous, vulnerable, sweet, deeply loyal, troubled, a little scary, and able to slaughter scores of enraged cannibals with a scythe – what more can you want in a woman?
Catwoman (a.k.a. Selina Kyle)
Michelle Pfeiffer, "Batman Returns"
Until she no longer draws a breath, Michelle Pfeiffer will have our vote for the most beautiful woman on the planet (all apologies to Helen Mirren), so she was going to find a home on this list even if it meant Photoshopping her into Xena, Warrior Princess' battle armor. Fortunately that wasn't necessary (which is good, because that would have just looked silly), since Pfeiffer played the most formidable female to ever tango with Bruce Wayne. Poor Selina was never the same after her conniving boss Max Shreck shoved her out of that window, but that is actually a good thing. The brush with death awakened her inner, um, cougar, and like her alter ego namesake, made her damn near indestructible. Selina soon prowled the streets to give would-be predators a most unpleasant facial, and was nearly as unforgiving with the women they preyed upon. In her spare time, she blew up her employer's department stores, and ultimately, her employer. Selina Kyle puts the ‘ow' in ‘meow.'
Charlie's Angels (Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu)
Do you prefer blondes, redheads or brunettes? Take your pick.
Mystique, X-Men (Rebecca Romijn)
Because when she isn't shape-shifting to look like someone else, she looks like Rebecca Romijn.
Ellen Ripley, Alien (Sigourney Weaver)
Fun fact: when she isn't taking a flamethrower to an acre of alien eggs, she likes to hypersleep in her undies.
Starbuck, Battlestar Galactica (Katee Sackhoff)
She's no Dirk Benedict, but, funnily enough, we aren't nearly as bothered by that as we thought we used to be.
Varla, Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! (Tura Santana)
A sentimental pick, as she was our first time, as in the first time we saw a woman kill a man with her bare hands. Plus, look at that rack!