Ellen Ripley has taken down dozens, probably even hundreds of aliens in her time, but being pitted against psychopathic and misogynistic mobster Don Logan…well, he’s another beast entirely. It’s one thing to be able to slaughter a slimy, salivating killing machine from another planet, but how will Ripley fare against one from Earth? And more importantly, how will Logan fare when he’s up against a formidable female who’ll actually fight back?
Ellen Ripley
Sigourney Weaver, “Alien” and “Aliens“
We haven’t seen the Weyland-Yutani Corporation’s year-end newsletter for 2179, but surely Ellen Ripley’s their Employee of the Year. While on the USCSS Nostromo, Ripley was involved in the discovery of a Xenomorph on Moon LV- 426, leading her on a four-film path where she slaughtered salivating, acid- blooded aliens at every turn and doing the Colonial Marines proud with her handling of an M41A pulse rifle. Oh, sure, she blew up the Nostromo and the colony on LV-426, then killed herself, thereby destroying the alien embryo growing inside her and preventing the Corporation from studying the creature…but her attendance record? Spotless!
Definitive badass moment: When, on the U.S.S. Solaco, she dons the exosuit and drops the alien queen into the airlock and, subsequently, into outer space.
Classic badass line: “Get away from her, you bitch!”
Seed: #2
Occupation: Warrant officer, Weyland-Yutani Corporation
Strengths: Often underestimated because she’s a woman
Weaknesses: Occasionally paranoid, her tendency to do things “by the books” could backfire
Don Logan
Sir Ben Kingsley, “Sexy Beast”
What happens when you say “no” to a guy like Don Logan? Well, he’ll convince you otherwise, whether it’s by charming you with his undeniable class (“I gotta change my shirt, it’s sticking to me. I’m sweating like a cunt.”), or threatening you in front of your friends. He’ll show up unannounced, piss on your favorite carpet, insult your wife, and not even think twice about, but just utter his name in the presence of company and you’ll experience a wave of terror unlike you’ve ever seen before. His vocabulary is, to state the obvious, colorful, and his dedication to the job is unrivaled, if only because we’ve never seen someone rattle off 25-straight “no”s in a single rant with such fervor. In other words, he’s fucking crazy, and you’d be wise to steer clear.
Definitive badass moment: After being told to put out his cigarette by an airplane stewardess, Don kindly refuses, suggesting that they either 1) wait until he’s finished before they take off, 2) allow him to cut off another passenger’s hands to use as an ashtray, or 3) let him put out the cigarette in said passenger’s eyeball.
Classic badass line: “What do you think this is, the “Wheel of Fortune”? You think you can make your dough and fuck off? Leave the table? ‘Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, fuck off Don.’ Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I’m gonna have that? You really think I’m gonna have that, ya ponce? All right, I’ll make it easy for you. God knows you’re fucking trying. Are you gonna do the job? It’s not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?”
Seed: #15
Occupation: Mobster
Strengths: The mere mention of his name makes even the toughest men wet their pants
Weaknesses: His words are his only weapon
WINNER:
Ripley handlles foul-mouthed Don Logan with ease. Check out our Badass Bracket for all of the results!
