ast month, we gleefully considered the possibility of entering into a relationship at the workplace, thereby turning your fellow employees into "coworkers with benefits." But what if your associates are so dedicated to their profession that they can barely find the time to leave the office? One might argue that they're in a relationship already…with their career.
Yes, these women are "Married to the Job" but, boy, are those jobs wide and varied. You've got a couple of forensic scientists, each of whom is as intense as such a profession demands, even if they express that intensity in decidedly different ways; there are also a couple of attorneys, so be prepared to negotiate an airtight contract to get anywhere with either of those gals. Maybe a techie would be a good idea. After all, who doesn't want their own personal I.T. department?
For those who prefer women who take the career path less traveled, you can choose from a TV news producer, a taxi driver (watch those confessions), a private detective, a drug dealer (honest to God, she's doing it for her kids) or, um, a woman who's out to save the future from robotic domination. Okay, we're not saying that she's not a little severe at times, but she's hot. You'd be surprised how much latitude that gets you.
Just as we suggested last month, you may once again feel free to check out the resúmés of our 10 "Married to the Job" nominees below, but after the interview's over and you've placed your vote for which one actually gets the job, be sure to come back on Monday, June 29, to see who won and to place your vote for the next category, "High Maintenance Hotties."
Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"
Let's say that you're a homemaker with two kids, no college degree and a recently deceased husband whose insurance company cheated you in the event of his death. You're penniless and the easiest way to make a buck is to peddle weed to your neighbors. Do you do it? Nancy Botwin sure did, and although her actions often have disastrous consequences, the woman does have a good mind for business. But therein lies the problem. She's so busy with her burgeoning ganja empire that she doesn't have time to meet men, and ends up dating the wrong kind of guy (i.e. crooked DEA agents, fellow dealers and Mexican kingpins). So wooing Nancy does not come without some serious risk. The upside is that she's smart, sexy and witty, and she's fiercely loyal to her friends and family. But don't forget the baggage – Nancy has a ton of it. She has two independent sons that haven't had any solid parenting since their dad died, and she has a brother-in-law who is probably in love with her. Oh, remember that Mexican kingpin? She's pregnant with his child. Yeah, maybe it's better just to take a pass on Ms. Botwin.
Emily Deschanel, "Bones"
Married to the job? Hell, Dr. Brennan…henceforth to be referred to simply as "Bones"…can barely even function outside of her lab at the Jeffersonian Institute. Though she's undeniably attractive, she's also the very definition of a woman of science, but her knowledge in the field of forensic anthropology has come at a very steep price, namely the wonderful world of pop culture. As her associate, FBI Special Agent Seely Booth, will gladly tell you, Bones often seems to be a blank slate when it comes to anything that's happened in music, movies, and on TV for the last, oh, twenty years or so. This could actually be a good thing if you're someone who enjoys the process of introducing someone to your favorite films, albums, and so forth, as it can result in quite a lot of time snuggling on the couch…or elsewhere. You should, however, prepare yourself for a never-ending series of blank stares, followed by her standard reply: "I don't know what that means." But, hey, given her intellect, you'll probably end up saying the same thing to her a fair amount, too, so at least you'll be on even footing. Oh, by the way, you should probably know that Bones has some daddy issues. It's understandable, since her father spent much of her life either in prison or on the run from the law, but, still, we felt you should be warned.
Kristen Bell, "Veronica Mars"
It takes a real man to date a woman who fancies herself a private investigator…or, at the very least, it takes one who can swear on a stack of bibles that he has no skeletons in his closet. Rest assured, if he's hiding any secrets, then Veronica Mars will reveal them. (That's what you get with a girl whose dad is a detective.) But just because you've got a clean history doesn't mean you can keep up with Ms. Mars. When she's not throwing out pop culture references to give Dennis Miller a run for his money, she's got a rapier-like wit, and she loves to wield sarcasm as a weapon, though any psychologist worth their salt could tell you that it's a defense mechanism. Between her mother's murder and her unpleasant experience while under the influence of GHB, it's an understatement to say that this girl's had a rough time of it in recent years, so if you're the kind of guy who shies away from a potential companion because "she carries a lot of baggage," you'll want to take Veronica out of consideration. On the other hand, you won't want to approach her with the idea of trying to "save her," either, because she'd only kick your ass. Veronica's a gorgeous girl who's quite capable of taking care of herself, and if she ever finds someone who loves her as much as she loves them, she'll stay with them forever. But are you that guy? That's the mystery.
Mary Lynn Rajskub, "24"
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the first official Bullz-Eye TV girlfriend. Men tend to like women that are uncomplicated – though there are exceptions to this, and you'll meet ours next month – but Chloe O'Brian is a different kind of complicated in that she is rarely simple. Getting a straight answer from her is next to impossible, with most responses falling somewhere between curt (you got off easy) and withering (standard Chloe modus operandi). And yet, we love Chloe and her "personality disorder," as her late boss Bill Buchanan once put it, because she's almost always the smartest person in the room and as steadfastly loyal as they come. Lord knows she's bailed her coworker Jack Bauer out of more than one jam with her mad tech skills, and even recently berated her husband Morris for helping the Feds find Jack in order to keep her from spending the next 10 years in prison. A girl that will save your ass and then do your jail time; if that doesn't say ‘keeper,' we don't know what does.
Mary Tyler Moore, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
TV's original sitcom career woman is sweet-natured, hilarious when she cries, and, in the words of the crusty-but-benign editor boss she addresses only as "Mr. Grant," has "a great caboose." Indeed, what's most endearing and sexy about Mary is that she has no idea she's a feminist trendsetter. Falling into a gig as an underpaid, inexperienced associate producer, she turns out to be the conscientious soul of WJM News. She's a perpetual peacemaker in the wars between surly and sexist Grant, nice-guy writer Murray Slaughter, and low-IQ egomaniac anchor Ted Baxter, all of whom adore her. At the same time, she must constantly prove herself, assert her authority, help pal Rhoda deal with her weight and self-esteem issues, and generally be kind of semi-perfect. The only she thing she's bad at is throwing parties, suppressing giggles at a TV clown's funeral, and finding a steady guy before Rhoda does. As a woman who can "turn the world on with her smile" and "take a nothing day and suddenly make it seem worthwhile," Mary should have her pick of available men, but when she finds the right one, he'll have to get in line with all the other people she's already taking care of.
The first five nominees in the "Married to the Job" category are all worthy objects of our affection, but they certainly aren't the only TV workaholics to win our hearts. Below you'll find five more lovely ladies to consider before placing your vote for Bullz-Eye's "Married to the Job" TV Girlfriend.
Angie Harmon, "Law & Order"
It's always a bit of a dodgy proposition to date an attorney, if only because you can never win an argument with them. In the case of Abbie Carmichael, though, she just might be hot enough for you to be willing to accept a future strewn with lost battles. But that's only if you consider yourself to be a conservative. In her time in the New York County District Attorney's office, Ms. Carmichael established several of her core beliefs: she's pro-life, in favor of the death penalty and against gun control. This led to an often tense relationship with her boss, Jack McCoy, but if you're the kind of guy who regularly finds himself referring to "those damned liberals," then Abbie might be right up your alley.
Lena Heady, "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
Is there another woman on this list more married to the job than Sarah Connor? While all of the other ladies are definitely career-oriented, they at least have time for some semblance of a romantic relationship, even if it's just causal sex. Not Sarah. She has the fate of the world in her hands and she's not about to take her eye off the ball for some guy. You see, one day in the not-so-distant future her son, John, will save the human race, and since he's constantly being chased by murderous, time-traveling cyborgs, who has time for a relationship? Sure, she puts the "ILF" in MILF, but no one is cracking that tough exterior, even if she occasionally shows a vulnerable side. Throw in the fact that she thinks she's soon destined to die, and it's understandable that she's so focused on her son. The future of mankind depends on it.
Marilu Henner, "Taxi"
You know as well as we do that there may not be a single taxi driver anywhere in America that looks anything like the ridiculously hot Elaine Nardo – and even if there is one somewhere, she probably doesn't have the artist's soul that, along with those incredible curves, bewitched both Alex Rieger and Louie De Palma. That Alex and Louie were polar opposites should tell you everything you need to know about Elaine's overflowing, um, appeal. Alas, Elaine was a single mother who had to work two jobs to pay the bills, so she couldn't devote much (or any) time to romantic pursuits – but despite her hectic schedule (and that awful last name), she was a MILF before the acronym even existed.
Rose Byrne, "Damages"
Most people come home from work and tell their loved ones, "My boss is killing me." Young attorney Ellen Parsons is one of the few who can say "My boss tried to kill me." Ellen gave her uber-demanding boss Patty Hewes every minute of her waking life, and for her troubles she was rewarded with a dead fiancé – as ordered by the defendant her firm was suing – and an attempt on her own life, authorized by her remorseless boss. And even after surviving the failed hit, Ellen dutifully continued to work for Patty, though as an informant for the Feds with the intent to destroy her. That combination of beauty, legal savvy and street smarts is an offer we can't refuse, even if it comes with the risk of dying at the hands of hired goons.
Pauley Perrette, "NCIS"
The pigtails! The tattoos! And, oh, that wardrobe! We aren't sure how many forensic scientists actually resemble the one who serves as Leroy Gibbs' right-hand woman, but Abby is so darned cute that we don't really care. (Precious few women in the 21st century can rock a "Little House on the Prairie"-style nightgown the way she can.) That's not so say she can't be a handful, however. She has an addiction to Caf-Pow – one which, given her daily intake, can't possibly be healthy – and, as a result, is bouncing off the walls during virtually every waking moment. But she's well-versed in art, music, and literature, loves animals, and based on the relationships she's cultivated with her co-workers at NCIS, she'd be the most dedicated girlfriend you could hope for. Just don't get on her bad side. If you do, it's very possible you may never get off again.
Don't miss our 2008 interview with actress Pauley Perrette!
Now that you've seen our 10 nominees in the "Married to the Job" category, it's time to make your voice heard by voting for your favorite. If you need to refresh your memory before casting your ballot, click the thumbnails below to revisit each nominee's writeup. Then, come back on Monday, June 29 for the unveiling of the next TV Girlfriends list, "High Maintenance Hotties," and to see which character prevailed in the "Married to the Job" voting.
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