Here's to you...Mr. Annoying Sports Guy
03/14/2008
Stalter Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Riddle me this, Batman – is there a better set of commercials (radio, TV or otherwise) than Bud Light’s “Real Men of Genius” campaign?
Answer: No Riddler, there isn’t.
I heard the mother of all “Real Men of Genius” commercials the other day (Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy) and it inspired me to dedicate a full column to coming up with more of these fantastically funny bits.
Along the same lines of “Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy,” I got to thinking -- what if Bud Light were to pay homage to those annoying sports fans that get on everyone’s nerves? No, not the ones in the stadiums, but the ones that hit a little closer to home. You know, that guy who always gushes about how great of a high school athlete he was, or the one that openly complains that his team is getting screwed by the refs. What about those guys? No love for them?
I’ve complied a group of “those” guys and highlighted what makes them so special to society. Just to make sure you’re getting the correct feel for the piece, be sure to watch a couple of “Real Men of Genius” commercials on YouTube. Extra credit to those of you who read this while the “RMOG” music is playing in the background.
Here are a couple “RMOG” to get you in the mood:
Now, I realize many of you are probably thinking, “Wow, must be a dead time in sports, huh?” Well, first of all, bite me. And secondly, yes, it’s an incredibly dead time in sports. So just play along, all right? Chances are many of you have had a run-in with one of the guys mentioned below, or maybe you are one of the guys mentioned below. Either way, just have fun with it. Championship Week and March Madness are on the way and, with that, the sports scene will be alive again.
So without further adieu, my tribute to Bud Light’s “Real Men of Genius” commercials and to you, Mr. Annoying Sports Guy.
Here’s to you, Mr. The Officials are Always Screwing Your Team Guy…You spend your nights and weekends cursing the basketball gods for the way the officials always seem to have it out for your team. Clearly, the refs have their own agenda, and that agenda is to personally put the screws to your team. Why is it every time one of your players goes in for a lay up and gets hacked, the officials don’t call a foul? Yet every…single…time a star player from the opposing team flies into the lane out of control and barely gets touched, the refs send him to the line. The fix is in, and you’re on to them.
Here’s to you, Mr. Wear Jeans to a Pickup Football Game Guy…Instead of wearing sweat pants to your local backyard football game, you decide to don a pair of very tight, very denim blue jeans. And you don’t stop there -- you complement those Levi’s by sporting your faded Vinny Testaverde jersey and red headband. Why not just go with an old sweatshirt and baggy exercise pants like everyone else? Because it’s backyard football, damn it, and you want to make sure that you’re in it to win it. So what if a would-be tackler loses part of his ear when it gets caught in your zipper? That’ll make the next guy think twice.
Here’s to you, Mr. I Scored the Winning Goal for My High School Soccer Team So Now I Think You Should Sleep With Me Guy…You go to parties for the sole mission of picking up chicks, even though you’re 32 and still living at home with Mom and Dad. You make your rounds, talking to each and every girl at the party, just waiting for the right moment to deliver the greatest high school sports story of all time. As the night draws to a close, you choose your lucky lady and spring into action. You set the mood by letting her know your team was playing for the state championship even though you damn well know it was only a practice game for the JV squad. You make sure you mention how your team was down by one goal and it was up to you to save the season. You act out the final play by shifting to your right, then your left, then juke two defenders only to be left face to face with the goalie. You stared each other down. Then, as if Pele himself took over your body, you arc the perfect kick just over the goalie’s outstretched arms and win the game. The girl at the party just looks at you in amazement and says, “Wow. That’s great.” She seems unenthused, but you know she’s just playing hard to get. Of course you have more fictional stories of high school soccer greatness, but why go any further? She’s already putty in your hands….
Here’s to you, Mr. I Was Co-Captain on the Same High School Football Team As NFL Running Back Chris Brown Guy…You wait until you’re around a bunch of people watching a football game before you not-so-subtlety announce that you were co-captains with Chris Brown back in high school. Never mind the fact that the Titans’ Chris Brown didn’t even play in the same state as you or that you didn’t even play football – the people you’re trying to impress don’t need to know that. The only thing that matters is that you did go to school with a Chris Brown. So what if he was a member of the 4H club and spent all his free time in the library? His name was Chris Brown and you went to high school with him. And now he’s a Tennessee Titan, damnit.
Here’s to you, Mr. If I Were the Coach Guy…You head out to your local sports bar with your Eli Manning No. 10 jersey and grab a table right in the middle of the bar because, after all, you want to make sure that plenty of people can benefit from your insightful game commentary. When your team starts to struggle, you shout out confidently, “If I were the coach, I would stop running right up the middle because that’s where the defenders are! Run outside, Coughlin! Run outside!” You get together with your good friend, Mr. If I Were the GM of This Team Guy, to talk strategy in the offseason. As the beer keeps flowing, your coaching gets louder and louder, and it becomes clear that you’re winning over the cute waitress with your vast football knowledge. You’ve never run a practice or called a play in your life, but nevertheless, you understand what it takes to build a winner.
Here are a few that just missed the list:
- Mr. I Can Get a Hit Off That Major League Pitcher Guy
- Mr. I Shook Hands With Kevin Garnett At a Meet and Greet One Time and Now We’re Totally Friends Guy
- Mr. Back in My Day Guy
Questions or comments? Send them to astalter@bullz-eye.com.