Expansion dreaming, chump change, the Weight is over, and the wait is (finally) over
01/25/2002
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Have you gotten a chance to look at the unprotected players for next month's NFL expansion draft? Man, there are some big names on that list, and some even bigger salaries.
On February 18, the Houston Texans, football's newest team, must select at least 30 players and no more than 42 from the list of players that were left exposed to the expansion draft. They'll have no problem finding talent in this group, but they may have a tough time finding enough cap room to select the guys they really want.
It seems like every team in the league is having major salary cap issues, and when looking at next season several franchises realized they'd have a tough time staying under that $71.7 million threshold. Because of that, you'll see such marquee names as Tony Boselli, Jesse Armstead, Aaron Glenn, Jamie Sharper and Bill Romanowski on the unprotected list, no doubt leaving Houston's head honchos with some enticing options.
But there also are plenty of sucker gambles too, because, as in past years, the expansion draft seems to be an ideal way for many teams to at least try to unload some of the high-priced, low-production talent they can't give away before the trade deadline rolls around. Take a look at these names and the unbelievable salaries they're slated to make next season:
Rob Johnson, QB, Buffalo: $11.22 million
Sean Gilbert, DE, Carolina: $10.21 million
Tim Bowens, DT, Miami: $8.75 million
Chris Chandler, QB, Atlanta: $8.50 million
Jeff Blake, QB, New Orleans: $6.11 million
Ellis Johnson, DT, Indianapolis: $6.00 million
Corey Fuller, CB, Cleveland: $4.92 million
Roman Oben, OT, Cleveland: $4.86 million
Rob Moore, WR, Arizona: $4.50 million
Jermaine Lewis, WR, Baltimore: $4.16 million
Tim Biakabutuka, RB, Carolina: $2.72 million
There are dozens of names and salaries like these, ranging from Johnson's $11.2 million to a few guys making $298,000.
Of course, it's stiffs like Johnson and Jeff Blake who dominate the list, guys getting paid millions of dollars to either play ineffectively, run up and down the field on special teams, or simply ride the pine on the injured list or as a backup. I take one look at this pathetic bunch and two questions instantly and simultaneously pop into my head:
1. Have the morons who decided to sign these guys to such outrageously bloated contracts in the first place been fired yet?
2. Do these teams actually think the Texans are going to draft any of these chumps?
I mean, come on. Why would Dom Capers, Houston's head coach, ever even think of selecting Jeff Blake on February 18? Rob Moore? Rob Johnson? Roman Oben? If he saw one offensive series from the Browns last season, Capers knows he wants nothing to do with any of Cleveland's offensive linemen, especially one who's going to make more than four million bucks next year.
Keep dreaming, guys. Everybody in football now knows the mistakes teams like Jacksonville, Tennessee, Minnesota and Carolina have made in the free agent market, so why would an expansion franchise want to come in and voluntarily take on your self-inflicted headaches?
Wouldn't it be great, though, to be able to pawn your financial mistakes off onto other people? Like every year having an expansion draft for kids fresh out of college or high school with no debt whatsoever to their names?
"And in a move that surprised nobody, Jamey Codding has announced he will not protect his Discover and Citibank Visa cards in the upcoming expansion draft, leaving them exposed to this year's crop of new talent. What exactly was he thinking when he ran up the balances on those cards anyway, Bob?"
"Well, Jeff, he was thinking that he really needed the clothes, CDs, golf clubs and video games he bought with that credit while in college, not to mention all the booze."
"Yes, well I don't see Jamey ridding himself of those burdens in this year's draft.
"Dream on, buddy."
Some hefty pocket change
Speaking of money, have you ever really stopped to think about just how much cash professional athletes and team owners consistently shell out in league-imposed fines? It's ridiculous.
Just in the past month or so, Philadelphia defensive end Hugh Douglas was fined $35,000 for a hit (a legal hit, by the way) he laid on Bears QB Jim Miller in last week's playoff game in Chicago, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban paid a $500,000 fine for comments he made regarding NBA officials, Shaquille O'Neal coughed up $15,000 -- as well as more than $700,000 thanks to a three-game suspension without pay -- for nearly separating Chicago center Brad Miller's head from his neck, and New York Rangers forward Theo Fleury was fined $1,000 for "making an obscene gesture" at the conclusion of a recent game with the Islanders.
One thousand dollars? For giving someone the finger? How about $35,000 for a perfectly legal hit? Or half a mil? Or -- ahem -- $700,000? Holy crap.
I know these guys make a boatload of money so these fines aren't as debilitating to them as they seem to us... but that's my whole point. Hell, if I get a speeding ticket I crap my pants if the fine's more than 70 or 80 bucks. How about a couple hundred thousand? Jesus.
And on a sad note...
... the boxing match between Eric "Butterbean" Esch and former Bears defensive tackle William "The Refrigerator" Perry, originally scheduled for February 2, is now off because of some undisclosed health concerns for the Fridge.
Man, just when I had finally forced myself to show some interest in the deteriorating sport, too. Just my luck. No Battle of the Bulge. No Rotund Rumble. I was really looking forward to the Blubber Brawl, the Corpulent Conflict.
Plus, that pre-fight press conference would have been classic. I can just picture Butterbean and the Fridge staging a belly-to-belly stare down for the cameras before a no-holds-barred food fight breaks out at the buffet table.
Green set to be deflowered
Finally. Former NBA forward A.C. Green will soon be a former virgin. After 38 long years, Green, who became basketball's ironman by playing in a record 1,192 consecutives games throughout his 16-year career, will end his well-documented abstinence streak when he marries his fiancée later this year.
"I have waited awhile for marriage," Green said in a release, "but my beautiful fiancée has definitely been a godsend."
Green later added, "I'm mostly excited about finally understanding all the sex jokes in those American Pie movies. That Stifler guy
really cracks me up."
QuickQuote:
"Me and my dog are going to sleep in my Corvette Roadster."
-- Former figure skater Tonya Harding
after being
ordered to move out of her rented house by Clark
County Superior Court Judge Diane Woolard.
Harding had failed to pay her rent, late fees
and other costs totaling more than $4,500.