A mystery wrapped in a criminal record
09/26/2002
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Idiot. Knucklehead. Moron. Jackass. Numbnuts. Buffoon. Jerk. Imbecile. Nitwit. Pinhead. Putz. Halfwit. Fool. Dunce. Dummy. Dope. Loser. Dolt. Blockhead. Numskull. Twit. Ninny. Bozo. Lamebrain.
Randy Moss. What an ass.
Following his latest boneheaded decision, the supremely talented but immeasurably troubled Vikings wide receiver found himself in a jail cell a couple nights ago awaiting a possible felony charge after he ignored a traffic agent's instructions while trying to make an illegal turn in downtown Minneapolis and then pushed her down the street with his 2002 Lexus.
Smooooth. We'll see that one on some Fox special soon, I'm sure.
All of this after yet another offseason in which we heard over and over again about just how much Moss grew and matured this summer, how ready he was to finally be a team leader for a group of guys that clearly need some direction. Remember that Sports Illustrated story a month ago that featured a picture of Randy with a pair of pure-white angel's wings on his back?
Who says there's an SI curse... ?
Of course, in the end Moss received the Allen Iverson treatment, having his more serious charges either knocked down to simple misdemeanors or dismissed altogether. And now, after rumor had it that he may not play in this weekend's Vikings/Seahawks game, we've also learned that in fact Moss will start in Seattle, though we can't guarantee he'll finally meet the lofty expectations of Mike Tice's "Randy Ratio."
Imagine that.
Since this incident, debates have raged nationwide as to whether the Vikings should suspend, trade, cut or castrate their star receiver. After all, everybody on the planet knows that Moss isn't exactly Mr. Rogers on and off the field -- squirting water at officials, yelling at team sponsors, claiming that he plays only when he wants to, nursing his infatuation with pot, and adding to a criminal record that stems all the way back to high school when he beat up a classmate in 1995 and was sentenced to 30 days in jail.
Let's see... . Criminal activity? Check. An obvious disrespect for authority figures? Check. The all-important "chip on the shoulder"? Check. That impressive bad-boy rep? Check. An unwillingness or inability to finally "grow up"? Check. All the talent in the world but very little motivation to use it? Got that too.
Yep, looks like he meets all the prerequisites for being a professional athlete in the 21st century.
Make no mistake about it, though -- the biggest problem that most football fans have with Moss, regardless of whether or not they live in Minnesota, is that last item in my checklist: He's the most talented receiver to perhaps ever play the game but, mysteriously, he doesn't seem to care about what he does with his skills. Oh sure, there's some part of Randy Moss that wants to go down in history as the best ever, that wants to win a Super Bowl, that wants to haul in 10 catches for 200 yards and three touchdowns every Sunday.
The problem is, the part of Randy Moss that doesn't care about all that crap critically outweighs the part that does. And that imbalanced relationship doesn't bode well for his long-term success nor does it do much to help his public image.
Not that he worries about that either, of course.
Let's imagine, for just a second, that we could keep everything about Randy Moss exactly the same -- the off-field problems, the attitude, the mouth and, above all else, the talent -- while adding to the mix Marshall Faulk's desire to win.
Stop drooling.
Now, take that new and improved version of #84 and put him into the exact same situation that he found himself in this week. Remember, this run-in with the rent-a-cop came on the heels of another Minnesota loss and, most notably, a sideline explosion between the two most prominent Vikings, Moss and quarterback Daunte Culpepper. With his enhanced character on the field, we could comfortably assume that the Vikings beat the Panthers last Sunday and certainly the confrontation with Culpepper would have been avoided. And instead of the Vikes being 0-3 and Moss having just 21 receptions for 185 yards and two touchdowns in that trio of losses, Minnesota may have two or three wins and Randy could realistically have about 400 receiving yards and at least four or five scores. Suddenly, we're all a little more understanding in this situation.
But that's not the position we find Tice's team and star player in as we head into the fourth week of the NFL schedule. Instead, the Vikings are again one of football's biggest disappointments and Moss one of the league's most persistent headaches. And when the news of Moss's arrest came earlier this week, many of us again shook our heads and said with a sigh, "Just cut him already."
If there's one thing I've learned in my lifetime as a sports fan, it's that we're all quick to forgive an athlete for off-field transgressions as long as he's giving us what we want between the sidelines. But those legal problems immediately become just a little more inexcusable in our minds if the athlete in question has also been a slouch on the field.
Not exactly a groundbreaking theory, I know, but it still fascinates me nonetheless.
Don't think that's not what's happening here. Sure, we all know the kind of player that Moss can be but that, of course, is the major problem -- we all, in turn, know that Moss isn't half the player he should be, and after waiting a few years for that guy to finally emerge, putting up with his act along the way, we've finally had enough. After all, what have the Vikings won with Randy Moss on the field? Maybe a division title or two? Any Super Bowl rings on those fingers?
Now let's flip that earlier scenario around by giving Moss's off-field issues to Marshall Faulk. Can you honestly see thousands of fans calling for Mike Martz to cut Faulk this week?
Obviously, we have our limits. Morality overpowers team loyalty at some point, at least for most fans. I hope. And I'm certainly not condemning anybody for this selective criticism -- I'm just as guilty as everybody else out there.
Hell, as a Browns fan I wouldn't even trade Dwayne Rudd's helmet for Randy Moss right now. Not a chance. But if we were talking about the Moss/Faulk blend -- all the talent plus the passion for the game -- I'd give you the helmet and Rudd too.
But the worst part about this whole mess is that this seems to be football's year to really shine, to finally and officially take over as America's true National Pastime. After everything baseball has put its loyal fan base through the past few years, the NFL was handed a golden opportunity to win the hearts of those disenchanted fans nationwide. And through three weeks of the schedule, the teams and players absolutely delivered, giving us one heart-pounding game after another and, during a time when the buzzword in baseball has been "parity," the NFL has shown Bud Selig and company that it can, in fact, be done.
Just look at the 0-3 Rams and the 3-0 Saints.
Then Randy Moss and his Lexus had to come barreling into the picture. I'm not suggesting that this has completely trashed the progress that the NFL has made over the past few years but it doesn't help either. "Another prima donna athlete thinking he's above the law." Even worse, another prima donna athlete who's not playing well thinking he's above the law.
Idiot. Knucklehead. Moron. Jackass. Numbnuts. Buffoon. Jerk. Imbecile. Nitwit. Pinhead. Putz. Halfwit. Fool. Dunce. Dummy. Dope. Loser. Dolt. Blockhead. Numskull. Twit. Ninny. Bozo. Lamebrain.
Randy Moss. What an ass.
Just cut him already.
In the Bullz-Eye
The LA Dodgers and Seattle Mariners. As we head into the final weekend of baseball's regular season, the Dodgers and Mariners find themselves hanging on to postseason hopes... just barely. Three and four games back in the Wild Card, respectively, with four games to play, there's clearly no room for error for either team. Fortunately for Seattle, they have three games remaining with the Angels, who stand ahead of them in the Wild Card standings, which means the Mariners could conceivably control their own destiny if they beat Oakland Thursday night and Anaheim loses to the Rangers. But for LA, who has four games left with the Padres, they have to hope either the Giants or Diamondbacks leave a door open. It won't be easy, but it's certainly possible.
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