Book review of Opening Lines, Pinky Probes and L-Bombs

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Buy your copy from Opening Lines, Pinky Probes and L-Bombs starstarstarhalf starno star Author: Justin Borus and Andrew Feinstein
Publisher: Santa Monica Press (2007)
Genre: Humor

“Girls & Sports” is a comic strip that currently appears in more than 225 mainstream and college newspapers nationwide. The creators, Justin Borus and Andrew Feinstein, have compiled many of their past strips along with new content in their first full-length book, “Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs: The Girls & Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook.” While most comic strips cater to kids and senior citizens, “Girls & Sports” features sharp humor aimed at men and women in their 20’s and 30’s. But anyone familiar with the modern-day dating scene will recognize many of the situations described in the “Playbook.”

For neophytes, the strip revolves around two friends, Bradley and Marshall. Bradley has a long-time girlfriend, but hasn’t yet agreed to take “the plunge.” Marshall is single, so he and Bradley spend a lot of time together playing (and watching) sports and watching (and playing) girls. Throughout the book, Borus and Feinstein give the reader advice that runs the gamut from starting the night as a single man to diving into a serious relationship, illustrating their points with the use of various sports analogies.

It’s difficult to develop much of a plot in a comic strip, so most of the bits are short and sweet. The humor runs from mildly amusing to laugh-inducing. Early in the book, when describing a “scouting report,” they discuss the difficulty of determining a girl’s age:

Girls can look exactly the same from age 18 to 35. Unless you can obtain a DNA sample, you’ll have to rely on instinct to determine age. Recommendation: Just as a camera adds a few pounds, a dark nightclub takes off a few years. If she doesn’t look young in the bar, don’t be surprised if she turns out to be old enough to be your mother.

Any guy who has tried to approach a girl that is out with a group of friends knows it is a difficult task indeed. In “Playbook,” there is a section dedicated to infiltrating a big group that describes a few approaches, from attacking in numbers to creating a diversion:

A well-choreographed “dropped” glass or a well-timed Bon Jovi song piping through the speakers could distract the circle of girls long enough for a single, kamikaze guy to attempt a pick-up line on an unsuspecting girl.

Borus and Feinstein also advise those already in relationships. Here’s what they recommend if your girlfriend discovers you’ve cheated on her:

When Sammy Sosa got caught using a corked bat, he claimed that it was the first time he ever used that bat. In reality, who knows how long Sammy Sosa really cheated? Maybe one game, or perhaps throughout his whole career. Regardless you can learn a thing or two from his defense. If you ever get caught cheating on your girlfriend and the evidence is so overwhelming there is no use in denying it, the best defense is “I’m really sorry, but this was the first time I ever did something like that.” While it might be hard for her to forgive you, chances are she will because it was “just one isolated incident.” Although you might have to become monogamous after you’re caught, you certainly got your money’s worth by cheating all along.

The truth is, once a guy has finished school, it becomes much more difficult to meet girls, and the “Playbook” provides a lot of well-devised advice and presents it in a humorous way. It should be required reading for anyone entering the always formidable dating scene.

~John Paulsen