Hannibal Lecter’s escaped from the FBI more times than even a man of his genius can count but, to be fair, Snake’s escaped from New York, L.A., and the clutches of the entire U.S. Government. We know Snake will shoot first and ask questions later…but will he be able to do it before Dr. Lecter has him for dinner?
Hannibal Lecter
Anthony Hopkins, “Silence of the Lambs”
Said Jack Crawford to Clarice Starling, “Believe me, you don’t want Hannibal Lecter inside your head.” Or anywhere near your body, either, for that matter. (“Hannibal the Cannibal” ain’t just a clever nickname.) As a Johns-Hopkins-trained psychologist, Dr. Lecter enjoys mocking those he views as beneath him and he’ll do anything to escape captivity. Once, while in custody, he complained of chest pains; upon the release of his mouthpiece and restraints for his electrocardiogram, the good Doctor promptly attacked a nurse, tearing out her eye, dislocating her jaw, and biting her tongue off…and his pulse never topped 85 beats per minute.
Definitive badass moment: After picking the lock of his handcuffs, Lecter waits until the optimal moment, then takes on two guards singlehandedly. One gets beaten to death with a baton, disemboweled, and tied to the bars of the cage in a crucifixion-styled manner; the other is bitten, killed, and has his face skinned off so that Lecter can use it as a mask to escape.
Classic badass line: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
Seed: #3
Occupation: Psychiatrist
Strengths: Small and wiry, infinitely creative, and enjoys the taste of human flesh
Weaknesses: Is so convinced of his own genius that he may underestimate the intelligence of others
Snake Plissken
Kurt Russell, “Escape from New York”
We know, you thought he was dead. Or taller. Those are two things Snake Plissken hates hearing. The third is, “The US Government has an offer for you.” Despite serving life in prison for breaking into the Federal Reserve, Plissken’s often drafted back into service, be it to battle insane sewer-dwelling cannibals in order to save the President from the New York Maximum Security Prison, a.k.a. all of Manhattan, or to retrieve a satellite-controlling device from the clutches of a Peruvian terrorist on the island of Los Angeles. Snake’s slightly more trustworthy than your average politician…but that’s not saying much.
Definitive badass moment: Surrounded by four gunmen, Snake gives them a chance at taking him down by suggesting that they play Bangkok Rules. After explaining the premise – he’ll throw a can into the air, and no one shoots until it hits the ground – Snake hurls the can into the air, and while their eyes are lifted skyward, he pulls out his revolvers, shoots all four gunmen dead…and then says, “Draw.”
Classic badass line: “I don’t give a fuck about your war…or your president.”
Seed: #14
Occupation: Former US Army lieutenant
Strengths: Combines military training with a constant tendency to be really pissed off
Weaknesses: Often acts without much forethought. Also, his depth perception ain’t what it used to be.
WINNER:
Snake Plissken is a bad dude, but he was no match for Dr. Lecter, who handily won this matchup with over 60% of the vote. Check out the rest of our Badass Bracket for all the results.
