Talking to a narcissist can be challenging. Whether it’s a family member, partner, coworker, or friend, they often focus only on themselves and can make you feel ignored or dismissed.
But with the right strategies, you can communicate better and protect your emotional balance. Let’s look at who are narcissists and how to handle conversations with them effectively.
What is Narcissism?
Cambridge Dictionary defines narcissism as a “great interest in and pleasure at your own appearance and qualities.” [1]
We can add that narcissism is when someone has an exaggerated sense of their own importance and a constant need for admiration. Such people may lack empathy or support for others, have rather low emotional intelligence, and tend to focus on themselves in every conversation.
It’s vital to differentiate narcissism (which is rather a number of traits) from a narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is a mental health condition where a person believes they are better than everyone else. [2]
In the following article, we’ll talk about narcissism, like a number of traits, not about a clinically diagnosed mental health condition.
Communicating with a narcissist
Narcissists may ignore your feelings and try to dominate the conversation. They might interrupt, dismiss what you’re saying, and keep the focus on their own needs. This can leave you feeling unheard.
Some people may find these behaviors especially overwhelming or triggering, particularly if they are neurodivergent, as the term “neurodivergent mean” encompasses individuals whose brains function differently, such as those with ADHD or ASD.
People living with neurodiversity may have heightened sensitivity to emotional manipulation or unpredictable patterns when communicating with a narcissist. This makes clear connections and setting boundaries even more essential.
Common Signs that You Approach a Narcissist
It’s important to recognize how a narcissist communicates. This will help you understand what’s happening and how to deal with it.
- Narcissists often talk about themselves and rarely ask about others.
- They may not care about your feelings or dismiss them when you express them.
- When you approach a narcissist, they might twist your words or guilt-trip you to get their way.
- Narcissists don’t take criticism well and might turn the conversation into an argument instead of listening.
- When something goes wrong, they rarely take responsibility. They’ll often blame someone else.
Why Is It Difficult to Talk to a Narcissist?
Approaching a narcissist can feel frustrating. A “narcissist of conversation” refers to someone who, during a conversation, tends to focus predominantly on themselves, their thoughts, and their feelings. [3]
Conversations may turn into one-sided discussions where they interrupt or dismiss you to keep the attention on them.
This happens because narcissists see conversations as a way to boost their self-image, not as a two-way exchange. Understanding this fact can help you stay calm and use strategies to keep communication balanced.
How to Talk to a Narcissist
Now that you know what to look for, here are strategies on how to approach a narcissist.
Stay calm
Narcissists often try to provoke you into reacting emotionally. If you stay calm, you remain in control of the situation. Take a deep breath or walk away if needed.
Set boundaries
Narcissists may try to push you, ignore your needs, or take advantage. Let them know when something is not okay. For example, say, “I need you to listen without interrupting,” or “I don’t want to talk about this now.”
Don’t get emotional
When you talk to a narcissist, they might want to provoke you, but if you don’t react, they lose their power. Stick to the facts and avoid arguing. If they accuse you of something, calmly say, “That’s not true, and I don’t want to argue about it.”
Use “I” statements
Instead of blaming them, talk about how you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” say, “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted.” This helps you express yourself without attacking them.
Find common ground
Narcissists care about what benefits them. Try to focus on shared goals. For example, you can say something like, “I think spending more time together could help our relationship.” This makes them more likely to listen to your needs.
Manage your expectations
When communicating with a narcissist, they may not fully understand your feelings the way you want them to. Your main goal is healthy communication, not necessarily emotional closeness. Be realistic about what you can expect from them.
Set personal boundaries
Apart from setting boundaries in conversations, know when it’s time to walk away. If communication is making you feel worse, it’s okay to step back. Taking a break helps protect your mental health.
Final Words
Please remember that healthy communication is about taking care of yourself, not trying to change the other person.
If you feel overwhelmed, seek support from a therapist or someone you trust. You deserve respect and understanding, and your feelings are important.
Resources
- Cambridge Dictionary. “Narcissism”
- Health Direct. “Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)”
- Brainz Magazine. “Unknowingly Silencing Others – Are You A Conversational Narcissist?”