12 – 20. Jose Canseco, Mike Scioscia, Ozzie Smith, Don Mattingly, Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., and Darryl Strawberry
EPISODE: “Homer at the Bat” (Season 3)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After Homer’s inspirational performance with his homemade bat, Mr. Burns make a million-dollar bet that the nuclear power plant’s softball team can beat the softball team for the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant…but having no faith in his employees, Burns hires a team of ringers.
|Jose Canseco: I get $50,000 to play one game?
Smithers: That's right, Mr. Canseco.
Jose Canseco: Well, it's a pay cut, but what the hey. It sounds like fun.
|Dr. Hibbert: Uh, Mike, try to lift your arm.
Mike Scioscia: Can’t…lift…arm…or…speak…at…normal…rate.
Dr. Hibbert : Well, I’m afraid you have a case of acute radiation poisoning, Mr. Scioscia.
Mike Scioscia: Will…I…be…able…to…play…softball… tomorrow?
Dr. Hibbert: (Laughs) No, by tomorrow, you’ll barely be able to breathe.
Mike Scioscia: Oh…man!
|Ozzie Smith: How long does it take to see this thing? I'm kind of in a hurry.
Mystery Spot Owner: Well, it's hard to say, my friend. Once you go in, you may never come out.
Ozzie Smith: Wow! One, please! (Falls down an endless hole) Ahhhhhhhhhh…!
|Smithers: Hello, are you Don Mattingly?
Don Mattingly: (wearing rubber gloves, sporting a dish towel over his shoulder, and holding a plate) Yes! Yes, I am! Come in, come in! Can I get you something? What’s your name?
|Officer Lou: (during a traffic stop) I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?
|Homer: Please, please, please, I want to make the team. Clemens, did I make the team?
Roger Clemens: You sure did!
Homer: I did? Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!
Roger Clemens: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey, Jr.?
Roger Clemens: Sorry. Didn't mean to get your hopes up.
|Barney: And I say, England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder! (Pokes Barney)
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! (Punches out Wade Boggs)
|Ken Griffey, Jr.: Wow! It’s like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!|
|Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry.
Darryl Strawberry: Yes?
Homer: You play right field.
Darryl Strawberry: Yes?
Homer: I play right field, too.
Darryl Strawberry: So?
Homer: Well, are you better than me?
Darryl Strawberry: Well, I never met you, but...yes.
21. Beverly D’Angelo
CHARACTER: Lurleen Lumpkin, a waitress turned country singer whose career Homer decides to manage.
EPISODE: “Colonel Homer” (Season 3)
|Homer: I can't get your song out of my mind. I haven't felt this way since "Funkytown!" Can I get a copy?
Lurleen: (Tapping her head) Sorry, Homer. All my songs are up here. "I'm Basting a Turkey with My Tears," "Don't Look Up my Dress Unless You Mean It," "I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth”…
22. Spinal Tap
EPISODE: “The Otto Show” (Season 3)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: The band’s world tour brings them to London, Paris, Munich…and Springfield.
|David St. Hubbins: Well, when the Berlin Wall fell, our records started selling on the dismal side of the Iron Curtain, so, naturally, that gave us a boost.
Nigel Tufnel: We're very big in Bulgaria. And...what’s his name? The other "Garia."
St. Hubbins: Hungaria.
Tufnel: Yeah, whatever.
Derek Smalls: I can't think of anyone who's benefited more from the fall of Communism than us.
Tufnel: Well, maybe people who actually lived in the Communist countries.
Smalls: Oh, yeah. Hadn't thought about that. I'll bet you're right.
23. Bob Hope
EPISODE: “Lisa the Beauty Queen” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After winning the Little Miss Springfield pageant, Lisa ends up as part of a USO appearance at Fort Springfield, where she’s introduced by Hope.
|Bob Hope: (Backstage) What’s the mayor’s name?
Bob’s Manager: Quimby.
Bob Hope: Beautiful. (Walks onstage) Hello, this is Bob “What The Hell Am I Doing In Springfield?” Hope. Hey, how ‘bout that Mayor Quimby? He’s some golfer. His golf ball spends more time underwater than Greg Louganis. And, now, I wanna show you what you’re fighting for… (Pauses) …if there was a war on: Little Miss Springfield! Isn’t she beautiful?
24. Tom Jones
EPISODE: “Marge Gets a Job” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After Marge gets a job at the nuclear power plant, Mr. Burns falls in love with her and wants to impress her, so he gets Tom Jones to serenade her…after a little coercion.
|Tom Jones: (To Marge, while manacled to a stage) Get help, love. Call INTERPOL, get me a hacksaw…anything!|
25. Sara Gilbert
EPISODE: “New Kid on the Block” (Season 4)
CHARACTER: Laura Powers, the teenage girl who moves next door to the Simpsons…and steals Bart’s heart.
|Laura Powers: (To Bart) You know, if you were only old enough to grow a bad teen-aged moustache, I'd go out with you in a second.|
26. Adam West
EPISODE: “Mr. Plow” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After wrecking his car during a snow storm, Homer and the kids attend a car show, where the original Batmobile from the ‘60s is on display…along with its original driver.
|Lisa: Dad, that’s not the real Batman.
Adam West: Of course I'm Batman. See? (Pulls out a photo) Here's a picture of me with Robin.
Bart: Who the hell's Robin?
Adam West: (Stiffens) Oh. I guess you're only familiar with the new Batman movies…? Michelle Pfeiffer. Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Merriwether, or Eartha Kitt. And I didn't need a molded plastic suit to improve my physique. (Taps chest) Pure, West.
27. Linda Ronstadt
EPISODE: “Mr. Plow” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After beating Homer at the snowplow game, Barney makes a TV commercial in his new identity as The Plow King and brings in a guest to sing the advertising jingle.
|Linda Ronstadt: Barney, I’d like to put a Spanish version of your jingle on my next album. (Sings) Senor Plow no es macho / Es solamente un boracho....
Barney: Yeah, you do that.
28. Leonard Nimoy
EPISODE: “Marge vs. the Monorail” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: When Springfield launches the inaugural (and, as it turns out, final) run of its new monorail, the guest of honor is none other than Mr. Spock himself.
|Mayor Quimby: And now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshall, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp Five. (Audience laughs)
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May the Force be with you!"
Leonard Nimoy: (Annoyed) Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: (Uncertainly) I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
29. Barry White
EPISODE: “Whacking Day” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: When the town of Springfield gathers for its annual tradition of Whacking Day, Barry White is invited as the Grand Marshall…and is horrified to discover that the event involves pummeling snakes with clubs.
|Bart: You like snakes, don’t you, Barry White?
Barry White: I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Ohhhhhhhh, baby….
30 – 35. Johnny Carson, Bette Midler, Hugh Hefner, Red Hot Chili Peppers (Anthony Kiedis, Chad Smith, Flea, Arik Marshall), Luke Perry and
EPISODE: “Krusty Gets Kancelled” (Season 4)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: When Krusty the Klown’s show gets cancelled, he launches a comeback, with the help of as many superstars as he can wrangle.
|Johnny Carson: Krusty, wanna stay for dinner?
Krusty: Nah, sorry.
Johnny Carson: Ah, that’s too bad, ‘cause tonight my guests will be Dr. Carl Sagan and, from the San Diego Zoo, Joan Embry.
|Lisa: Miss Midler, I can’t believe you do this all by yourself.
Bette Midler: We’re Americans. We deserve clean highways. (A truck drives by, and the driver – Snake, Springfield’s favorite lowlife scum – throws a can out of the window) You pigs! (Begins running after the truck)
Snake: (Looks in rear view mirror) Oh, no! Bette Midler!
Bette Midler: (Leaps at the truck, hangs onto side mirror, throws can through window, causing Snake to crash his truck, then walks back to Lisa and Bart) Now…where were we?
|Hugh Hefner: A lot of people know about the Grotto and the Game Room…
Bart: Of course.
Hugh Hefner: …but few know about the laboratory, the biosphere the alternative energy research center.
Bart: Fascinating. (Looks out window) De-salinization plant…?
Hugh Hefner: Yes. The Grotto uses so much water, the bunnies felt we should go this way.
Bart: Smart bunnies, Hef. I can call you Hef, can’t I?
Hugh Hefner: No.
|Krusty: Now boys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Do you mind changing them for the show?
Anthony Kiedis: Forget you, clown!
Chad Smith: Yeah, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way!
Krusty: Well okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya”?
Flea: Wow! That's much better!
Arik Marshall: Everyone can enjoy that!
|Luke Perry: (after being shot out of a cannon, into the Quik-E-Mart, and through Apu’s display of half-price acid) Ahhhhhhh! My face! My valuable face!|
|Elizabeth Taylor: (After passing on her opportunity to be on Krusty’s comeback special, then seeing Hugh Hefner playing Prokofiev on wine glasses) I’ve got to fire that agent.|
36. George Harrison
EPISODE: “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet” (Season 5)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: Homer forms a barbershop quartet – called The Be Sharps – that becomes world-famous, resulting in an encounter with the former Beatle.
|George Harrison: (after spotting The Be Sharps offering their farewell performance on a rooftop) It’s been done.|
37. The Ramones (Joey Ramone, Johnny Ramone, C.J. Ramone and
EPISODE: “Rosebud” (Season 5)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: The band is inexplicably booked to play Mr. Burns’ birthday party.
|Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones!
Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours, Springfield!
Joey Ramone: One, two, three, four! (Singing) Happy Birthday to you! / Happy Birthday to you! / Happy Birthday, Burnsey / Happy Birthday to you!
C.J. Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard. (Curtain falls)
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: Sir, those aren't --
Burns: Do as I say!
38. Ernest Borgnine
EPISODE: “Boy Scoutz ‘N The Hood” (Season 5)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: Bart accidentally joins the Junior Campers while on a sugar high, and when one of the Campers’ dads can’t go on the upcoming rafting trip, troupe leader Ned Flanders arranges for him to have a special celebrity dad.
|Ernest Borgnine: (Watching Homer and Flanders’ raft shoot off in a different direction) Hey, where are the sissy and the bald guy going?|
39. Michelle Pfieffer
CHARACTER: Mindy Simmons, the nuclear power plant’s new “token” female employee with whom Homer becomes instantly smitten.
EPISODE: “The Last Temptation of Homer” (Season 5)
|Homer: Uh...so, let's have a conversation. Um...I think we'll find we have very little in common.
Mindy Simmons: Can't talk. Eating.
Homer: Hey, my favorite -- raspberry swirl with a double glaze.
Mindy Simmons: Double glaze... (Starts drooling)
Homer: D'oh! Okay, so we have one thing in common. But you know what I hate? Drinking beer and watching TV.
Mindy Simmons: Oh, not me. That's my idea of heaven.
Homer: D'oh! Me too.
Mindy Simmons: Really? I can see I'm gonna love working with you. Well, gotta go. (Whispers) I wanna sneak in a quick nap before lunch. (Walks off)
Homer: Foul temptress. I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy, too!
40. Werner Klemperer
CHARACTER: Homer’s guardian angel, who takes the form of someone that Homer recognizes and reveres: Colonel Klink, from “Hogan’s Heroes.”
EPISODE: “The Last Temptation of Homer” (Season 5)
|Homer: Colonel Klink! Did you ever get my letters?
Guardian Angel: I’m not actually Colonel Klink; I’m just assuming his form.
Homer: Hee, hee, hee! Did you know that Hogan had tunnels all over your camp? Ha, ha, ha!
Guardian Angel: (In the same annoyed voice Colonel Klink used to take with Hogan) Homerrrrrrr!!! That’s not why I’m here!