How did Tom Brady get so good?
01/31/2008
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Super Bowl XLII is right around the corner and the Patriots are on the verge of making history. At 18-0, they are going for the perfect season and are big favorites to beat the Giants. They have a stingy defense, a solid running game, a good offensive line and one of the best receiving corps in the league. But they wouldn’t be where they are without Tom Brady.
Just look at this guy’s resume:
*Three-time Super Bowl champion (XXXVI, XXXVIII, XXXIX)
*Two-time Super Bowl MVP (XXXVI, XXXVIII)
*Four-time Pro Bowl selection (2001, 2004, 2005, 2007)
*Two-time All-Pro selection (2005, 2007)
*Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year (2005)
*Two-time The Sporting News Sportsman of the Year (2004, 2007)
*Associated Press NFL MVP (2007)
*Associated Press Male Athlete of the Year (2007)
*Holds NFL record for most TD passes in a season (50 in 2007)
What’s strange about Brady’s career is that he wasn’t a standout in college. Sure, he started his collegiate career as the seventh QB on the depth chart at Michigan and worked his way into a starting role during the 1998 and 1999 seasons, but he peaked as an All-Big Ten honorable mention during his junior and senior years.
When the 2000 NFL Draft rolled around, the Patriots were considering both Brady and Tim Rattay in the sixth round. This is mind-boggling. At this point in his career, Brady, who would go on to accomplish all of these things (and be mentioned as one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game), had yet to differentiate himself from Tim Fucking Rattay.
It’s not often that someone makes this kind of transformation.
Robert Johnson was a struggling blues musician in Mississippi who desperately wanted to become great. He was told by a mysterious stranger to take his guitar to a crossroad near Dockery’s plantation at the stroke of midnight. There, he was met by a giant black man who tuned Johnson’s guitar so that he could play any song he wanted.
Only there was a catch – in exchange for the perfectly-tuned guitar, Johnson had to give up his everlasting soul. That’s right, the giant black man was the Devil.
Robert Johnson took the deal and became the greatest bluesman anyone had ever heard. Where he is now, nobody knows.
But back to Tom Brady -- I’m pretty sure he made a deal with the same dude.
Just look at the facts. Brady went from an NFL afterthought to one of the greatest QBs ever to play the game. He was a backup to Drew Bledsoe -- who was a three-time Pro Bowler at the time -- until Bledsoe was sidelined with internal bleeding after colliding with the Jets’ Mo Lewis in Week 2 of the 2001 season. That sounds like Lucifer’s style to me.
After becoming a starter, Brady dated the (gorgeous) actress Bridget Moynahan (right) for a couple of years before the couple split up. After the breakup, Moynahan revealed that she was pregnant with Brady’s child. Before hooking up with Brady, Moynahan had a pretty good career going. She appeared in “Serendipity” with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale, and in “The Sum of All Fears” with Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman. She starred in “The Recruit” opposite Al Pacino and Colin Farrell, in “I, Robot” with Will Smith, and in “Lord of War” with Nicholas Cage. Combined, those five movies grossed more than $792 million worldwide.
Like a talent leech, Brady apparently sucked the success right out of her, because her next two movies – “Gray Matters” and “Unknown” – grossed less than $3.9 million internationally. Oh, and she starred in a dreadful straight-to-DVD release, “Prey,” in which she plays a newlywed who vacations in Africa and gets stalked by a pack of lions. It got a 4.6 rating (out of 10) at IMDb.
Now Brady has moved on to Victoria’s Secret supermodel Gisele Bundchen, whom Forbes says is the 16th-richest woman in the entertainment world with an estimated fortune of $150 million. Seriously.
You might be wondering, if he made a deal with the devil, why isn’t he dating the richest woman in entertainment? Because it’s Oprah. How about the second-richest? J.K. Rowling. Or the third? Martha Stewart.
Tom Brady graduated cum laude at Michigan, kids. He’s no dummy.
He is also the perfect quarterback; and he seems to have the perfect life.
But nobody’s perfect, right?
A little research reveals this investigative report into Brady’s dealings with Satan:
Then there’s this website, which take things a step further, claiming that Tom Brady is in fact the Antichrist himself.
That’s a mountain of evidence, but the proof is in the pudding. If the Patriots win Sunday, the legend will continue to grow. To his credit, Robert Johnson wasn’t ashamed of his deal; he often told the story about his meeting with Devil at the crossroads. Why won’t Brady relate his own tale? Is he afraid of tarnishing his golden-boy image?
On the other hand, if New England loses, well, maybe he didn’t sell his soul after all.
That, or Eli Manning struck his own deal. He has been playing awfully good lately.