Can you turn your friend into your girlfriend?
August 10, 2012
You know a great girl. She's sexy, she's fun and she's into many of the same things as you are. You both seem to get along so easily and sometimes you can talk for hours with her, but there's one slight problem…she's your friend, when you really want her to be your girlfriend.
This is a very common problem for men and unfortunately, most guys stuff up the whole transition from "friendship to relationship" and end up ruining the opportunity to have a sexual, romantic relationship with that very special woman. Men find themselves in the "friend zone" situation for many different reasons. For instance, it's possible that you've had a female friend since childhood and by the time you got around to thinking about girls in "that" way, you were too young to consider her as girlfriend material. Or, perhaps you met while each of you was dating someone else and you naturally slipped into "friends mode" and now that neither of you is seeing anyone else, you're afraid that it's too late to turn things around.
However, the most common reason men find themselves in the "friend zone" is a result of how they behaved when they first met the woman. Instead of being confident, believing that he can have her, flirting with her and creating sexual tension, the man in the friend zone will have made all the classic mistakes of a nervous, self-doubting nice guy. He will have pretended to just be interested in being friends, hiding his sexual interest and going out of his way to be a really nice, polite and courteous man around her. The simple truth and fact of the matter is that he placed himself in the friend zone by acting like a friend rather than a potential lover or boyfriend. She didn't put him in the friend zone – he did!
Recovering From a Bad First Impression
It is definitely possible to recover from a bad first impression, but you have to ensure that you do not make any more classic mistakes or you will risk completely turning her off. Let's look at the situation and explore some steps you should (and shouldn't) take to change your friendship with her into a sexual, loving relationship.
First Things First
You should NEVER come right out and tell her that you want more out of your relationship until you are absolutely sure that she is sexually attracted to you and wants to be your girlfriend. It is not enough that she "likes" you as a friend and thinks you are a good man. If there is no sexual desire on her part, then she will reject you when you try to transition from a friendship to a relationship. So, unless you're willing to lose her friendship as well as any chance of ever dating her, tread lightly and keep your mouth shut until you know she is sexually attracted to you.
How Will You Know?
You absolutely cannot ask her outright, "Are you sexually attracted to me?" That is too direct and will kill the sexual tension between you. Instead, you should use the following 3 techniques and come to a conclusion based on her reactions and responses.
1. Get Her Opinion About Other Women
When you're out together in a public place, point out other sexy women and ask her opinion. Ask her, "Hey, check out that girl...do you think she's sexy?" or "Hey, that woman looks hot. What do you think about the way she's dressed?" If she agrees with you and says the woman is hot or sexy, get up and go over and flirt with the woman (or women) and then come back to your friend. If she's jealous or a little upset, it will be because she is now noticing that other women are attracted to you and is worried that she might be losing her opportunity with you.
On the other hand, if she finds fault with every girl you point out and says the woman (or women) is/are not sexy, chances are good that she doesn't want to share you. So, you can say to her, "Well you haven't liked anyone I've pointed out. If I didn't know better I'd think you wanted me for yourself!" Judging her reaction to this, you will be able to tell if she is interested in you or not.
2. Flirt With Her…Sort Of
When she arrives to hang out with you and is looking particularly sexy, tell her. "Oh, wow, you look sexy tonight!" If she reacts in a pleased manner, push it a little further and judge her reaction. Say, "I'm going to have a hard time concentrating on our conversation tonight...especially with that cleavage. Baby, you look sexy!" If she's blushing or flirting back at you, then great, you know that she's interested! On the other hand, if you get the feeling that she's getting a little creeped out by your sudden sexual attention, stop and make a joke of it and change the subject. Laugh and say in a light-hearted manner, "Come on! Get serious. I said the dress was sexy. I didn't mean that you looked hot in it. Now your dress on that redhead over there, well that's another story. OK, so what do you want to order?"
By the way: Note the use of the word "baby." If you really want to be good with women, you should get used to referring to them as babe or baby. Trust me, it speeds up the process of her falling for you and feeling comfortable about getting sexual with you.
3. Be There for Her…Sometimes
Sure, if there is something important going on in her life or if she's in a difficult situation, be a great guy and be there for her. However, don't always be available every time she calls and wants something or wants to get together. Have purpose to your life other than just her, so when she suddenly wants to do something, you will sometimes naturally have to say, "Actually, babe, tonight I'm working on my project but, let's do something on Wednesday."
If you want to make her lose sleep at night wondering how she can become your girlfriend, casually let her know when you hang out with other women. Better still, when she calls to hook something up, you can tell her, "Well, I promised my friend, Annie, that I'd meet up with her tomorrow, but I've got Thursday free so we can do something then."
When she realizes that there are other women in your life and that you have a life besides being with her, she will feel more urgency to try and make something happen. However, if you're always there any time she wants to talk, meet up or for absolutely anything she wants, she won't feel excited or motivated to make something happen with you. She'll know that she could go on holiday for a year and come back and you'd still be waiting for her. That's not what a woman wants a man to do. She wants to be the one waiting by the phone, hoping to get more of your time, not the other way around. It's exciting for women to be in that position.
She Wants You to Be Her Man, Not Her Girlfriend
A lot of guys make the error of trying to be sweet and comforting in the same way a woman's girlfriends would. They also mistakenly assume that they need to get caught up in gossiping, emotion and the drama of a conversation like her girlfriends would. If you want her to be your girlfriend, you need to be her man. For sexual attraction to exist, there needs to be masculine and feminine. If you're acting feminine like a girl or neutral like a friend, she isn't going to be interested in anything other than friendship. It's just how nature works. She wants you to be the strong, confident, stable, masculine one and allow her to behave like a girl. You're a man, so act like it! Show her the sexy, masculine side of you in every situation.
Know When to Say When
If you've tried my suggestions and discovered that she just doesn't seem interested in you in a sexual way, you might just have to accept that the chance of the two of you hooking up as lovers just isn't going to happen. Additionally, if hanging out with her is keeping you from going out and pursuing a relationship with another hot, sexy woman who thinks of you as her man and not just her man-friend, you may need to spend more time apart.It's also possible that if you disappear from her life for a while, she will realize what she has lost and will then decide to pursue you. Of course, don't just sit around waiting for that to happen. Go out and find a woman who immediately sees what a great guy you are for her. Then, post up some photos of you and your new woman on Facebook. Show her what's she missing out on, but don't wait around wasting your life in the hope that she will go against nature and suddenly feel attraction for a friend. It's just not how it works.