Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys: Who is the real winner?
August 24, 2012
When most men hear the phrase, "Nice guys finish last with women," they mistakenly think that women want "bad" men. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with being nice to a woman. In fact, you should be a good man and if you read this entire article, I will assume that you want to be. However, there is something wrong with being way too nice all the time or only being nice to a woman, especially if she doesn't treat you that well or isn't making much of an effort during a conversation.
Women add to the confusion surrounding this topic when they say things like, "I want a nice guy," but then seem to be dating the bad boys. Nice guys from all over the world look on in total disbelief when they see beautiful, intelligent women lusting after men who don't even seem to care about them. So, what is going on here? Do women really want a "bad" men?
First off, let me explain to you why women choose bad boys over nice guys. It all comes down to the "dating strategy" that nice guys use in comparison to bad boys. Typically, a nice guy will be on his best behavior and try to get a woman to like him, whereas a bad boy will focus on making a woman attracted to him first. Most nice guys who use the strategy of trying to get a girl to like them first, simply do not realize that a woman will be disinterested in a sexual relationship unless she is sexually attracted to a man. She's just not going to be all hot and eager to have sex with a man who is nice and pleasant all the time. It's not how the human "mating dance" works. A woman wants and needs to feel attraction for you, rather than just "like" you as a friend.
There's Nothing Wrong With Being Nice
Of course a woman wants a man who cares about her, her family and her friends. She wants her man to be respectful of her and the people in her life. On the other hand, she doesn't want a guy who will continue being super nice and polite, even if she doesn't put much effort into a conversation, date or relationship. She wants a man who respects himself enough to lose interest in her if she doesn't behave well.
If you are always nice, no matter what, you'll make her feel as though she has nothing to aim for. She will feel as though she could arrive to your date wearing dirty, tattered clothes and you still wouldn't complain. So, she'll never get to experience the excitement of trying on a bunch of outfits before your date hoping to impress you and hear you say, "Wow, you look beautiful today, babe" as you draw her into you for a hug and kiss. Whereas, if she arrives for a date wearing a weird looking dress and you say (like a bad boy would), "Oh, that's an interesting dress. Not my favorite so far, but you still look beautiful," she will know that you don't always just say nice things in the hope to impress her like a good little boy on his best behavior.
As you will notice from the second comment, I am still telling her she looks beautiful, while I also let her know that I don't like her dress. Not including the part about her still looking good would make her feel really uncomfortable and hurt, which is not your aim. You want to be a good man, but you also want to have standards and set up the relationship dynamic in a way where she is trying to impress you and not just you trying to impress her.
Nice Shouldn't Equal Wimp
It is one thing to be a respectful, good guy when the situation calls for it, but it's just as important that a woman knows that you will be there as her protector. A woman wants to know that she can count on her "nice guy" to "man up" when the circumstances require it. So, be sure to exhibit your masculine traits whenever possible so she knows that whatever difficult situation comes up, she's sure her "nice guy" also will be her "hero."
A classic example is when you arrive at a restaurant for a date. If the waiter leads you off to sit at a table that doesn't look very comfortable or isn't in a good spot, you need to man up and say something, like "Actually, the table over by the window looks good. We'll grab that one." Ideally, instead of waiting for a waiter to lead you around, you would greet the waiter, look around the restaurant and then pick out a table in the same assertive, but friendly, manner. Remember, you don't need to be rude like a bad boy, but you do need to be confident and strong like a man. Allowing a waiter to push you around and seat you and your woman at an inconvenient, uncomfortable table is a sure way to make her lose attraction and respect for you.
Don't Show Your Heart Too Soon
Since a nice guy will rarely be shown any interest by women he finds attractive, when he meets an attractive woman that he clicks with, he will feel convinced that he's found "the one" and believe that it is love at first sight. He'll lay in bed at night daydreaming about her and begin to plan out their relationship and future together.
When he next talks to her, he will find it almost impossible to hold back his feelings and will come right out with them. Now, to a guy who is inexperienced with women or who simply doesn't understand women, he might see nothing wrong with that at all, but he'd wrong. You see, a woman wants to be the one who is madly falling in love with you and hoping that you feel the same way about her. She wants to be the one losing sleep at night, trying to work out if you love her as much as she loves you. If you come right out and declare your absolute commitment to her, especially before you've had sex with her, the whole romantic fantasy of falling in love will be ruined for her.
The other reason to avoid blurting your feelings too quickly is that a woman will then usually feel as though she has the power in the relationship. When you hand over that sort of power to her, she will often begin playing hard to get or even treating you badly. In short, she'll know you're her "slave" and you've just given her permission to trample all over you, your heart and possibly your wallet. She'll know that she can do pretty much anything she wants and you will still stand by her side like a nice, obedient (and let's face it, desperate) man.
So until you have made her so attracted to you that she blurts out her feelings for you, don't say a word about your feelings. Keeping your feelings to yourself is one of those things that a smart "bad boy" would do and you should too. There's nothing wrong will telling her she looks sexy or beautiful when she arrives for a date, but if you make the mistake of telling her how you feel, you will soon be feeling the pain of rejection and loss.
You Can Be Better Than a Bad Boy
As you can see, the solution to success with women is not about being a bad boy or a bad man. Women do want to be with a good man, but they just aren't interested in guys who will be total pushovers from the first conversation and throughout an entire relationship. A woman wants to feel like you are her man and that she is your girl, rather than she is your mother and you are her lost, little boy. Being a pushover and letting her lead the way will only result in her disrespecting you, overlooking you and rejecting you.If you want to have a sexual relationship with a woman, you need to focus on making her attracted to you. So, don't make the "nice guy" mistake of handing over your power to her in the hope that she will "like" you and then treat you nicely. She wants to be with a man who will take the lead, be a good man, but also create the right relationship dynamic where she has to be on her best behavior in order to maintain his interest.