Why women are attracted to "jerks"
Yes, it’s a fact – many women are attracted to Jerks. But you can reap the benefits Jerks enjoy without crossing to “the other side” and becoming a jerk yourself. Read this article and find out – it could change your complete perspective on what it takes to succeed with women. Then go get a free trial of his Double Your Dating eBook, here.
I am 18 years old and just graduated high school.
I used to be a MAJOR wuss and when I was younger I was always a shy kid who was picked on a lot because I was a short, skinny kid that never stood up for myself. And worst of all, I never took advantage of high school to get girls! I started getting your newsletter earlier this year and the cocky + funny attitude changed my life in more ways than one. I hang out with guys that get the hottest high school girls you can ever imagine.
Not only do they get 9's and 10's, I see these girls obsess over them. I was around them so much that I tried to model thier behavior around girls and I noticed that EVERYTHING you preach about, comes to them NATURALLY. Every tip of advice you’ve given to guys ACTUALLY works, and Ive seen it first hand.
I started using cocky + funny myself and even use lines that Ive seen my friends use in past cases.
I saw a HOT girl in the mall and she was checking herself out in a pocket mirror so I said "don’t worry, your hair doesn’t look THATTT bad". She started laughing even though I just made fun of her! I asked for her email and when she said she doenst have the internet, I used your line "well do you have electricity"? AGAIN the girl laughed, and I ended up getting her phone # and I hooked up with her that weekend!
MY QUESTION - my natural personality has transformed from a wussy shy nice kid to a guy that’s gonna bust your balls, but a nice guy at heart. I made a lot more girl "friends" too, but whenever they try to tell me their sad stories, I let them know Im not their boyfriend and do not care. Whenever I gain the courage to use cocky+funny, it WORKS but my problem is even though I’ve seen this work in action, I fear I don’t know enough cocky+funny lines to keep up a conversation with a girl. Also, do you recommend hitting on random strangers you see, because my friends say they never really hit on strangers unless they have a reason to go up and talk to them. My friends also say to ALWAYS have 5 "project girls" and never focus on one girl. Is this true? please write back.
E from NYC
It's interesting, because I actually discovered the Cocky & Funny technique by watching guys who were good with women. In fact, a guy who is now a good friend was trying to explain the concept to me a few years back... and he was the first one to say "Cocky & Funny". Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about at the time. It really made no sense to me.
But after I started working with it and watching other guys who were really successful with women, I learned how it worked.
It sounds like you're really getting it - congrats!
As for your questions...
Don't worry about being able to "come up with enough lines to keep up a conversation". Just do what you can, and enjoy yourself. A few Cocky & Funny lines used here and there are MUCH better than nothing at all.
If you feel like approaching strangers, great.
If you just realize that most women are going to be nice, but some will be either unavailable or unfriendly then you'll be fine. I have personally had great success meeting "strangers", and as my good friend Rick says, "Every friend you have started out as a stranger...."
And as for the "5 project girls", you're cracking me up over here. If you like the idea of staying single and dating a lot of different women, then this is the way to do it! Just make sure they don't turn into your personal "psychological projects".
Thanks for your email.
I’m a premed student who has been subscribing to your newsletter for quite a while now. I've been meaning to buy your book but im not in the habit of using a credit card so ill have to open an account especially for this. Anyway, i've been going out with this girl for 9 months now. She is smart, attractive, and funny. the way i landed her was by being cocky funny. EXTREMELY cocky funny. i was always one step ahead of her. It was kind of like "Dont even TRY to challenge me, im already inside your head!". everything was cool. but to tell the truth (and no offense) i just kind of got tired of the constant effort.....so i cooled it off a bit not always seizing the opportunity to remind her just who it is she's dealing with. And i think i got screwed. Now i feel like i've turned into a wuss....and i HATE IT!!! no.. I LOATHE IT !!!!!!!!!! When i turn on the macho act she's a pussy cat again. You see i want someone to whom i can genuinely be.... just nice to, with her appreciating it and NOT taking advantage. i mean since this is a long-term relationship i want someone who will give me a smooth ride without all that continuos maintenance. I dont wanna be cocky and tough all my life with her, sometimes a guy just wants to relax. Is it possible??
Ooooooo, good question.
I've seen a trend in the way guys, who are learning to be Cocky & Funny and to stay in control, change.
As they're learning the techniques, they become more and more attractive to women. Then, they meet a really amazing woman - a woman that was previously "out of their league", and they decide to start a relationship.
As soon as they start getting closer, the guy begins to put aside the things that worked, and start being more and more submissive... which, of course, drives this new woman away.
Then I get an email saying "I want to be nice and sweet and a good guy but still have all the super hot women calling me 24/7".
Here's what I say:
"BEING YOURSELF" IS A PRIVELEGE THAT YOU HAVE TO EARN, NOT A RIGHT.
And the way that you earn it is to learn what it takes to make women feel ATTRACTION, learn what it takes to NOT drive women away, then make these things part of "YOURSELF".
Are you with me here?
The problem is that "being yourself" for a lot of guys means "being the type of guy that women don't feel any ATTRACTION for".
If you can't make a woman feel the emotion of ATTRACTION, then there's really nothing I can do to help you. If you're not willing to do the work and make the changes more or less permanent, then you're going to have a long uphill battle.
And in your case, you have to realize that this woman was attracted to you for a REASON, and if you stop that REASON, then you're going to stop the ATTRACTION.
Whats goin on Dave?
I would love to say how great your stuff works, but I haven't had much luck with it as of yet. I have seen it put to good use though. My bro does the whole cocky/funny routine naturally and I see all its power. Most of the time I was Mr. Nice- Guy. and, of course, it didn't work as much as I would like. Which is why I'm writing this e- mail.(duh)
My problem is I'm missing the key ingredient to your 'super recipe,' funny. The way I see it, cocky is like garlic, by itself it is repulsive and disgusting. But when used as a seasoning to another main dish (funny), it can do wonders. I'm missing the main dish. Anyone can be cocky, but I lack in the funny department. So where do I start to fix this?
Thanks, P in NJ
Humor has a structure, and it can be learned.
Some people seem to have an easier time learning how to be funny, but I've seen some not-too-funny people become VERY funny with practice.
Read some books, watch Comedy Central, and practice. Start a journal and write down funny lines you hear so you can use them later.
Get with your Bro' and watch him. Ask him for advice and ideas. Practice. You can learn how to be funny and it's important that you do if you want to attract women!
As I'm sure you know, my book has some of my very favorite "standard" lines for different situations, plus more on how to create specific humor for specific situations.
For all the details, go to:
I know that you put real stories in these letters because I sent one in and it appeared exactly as I had written it. I laughed till I cried over the "fat, pimply, and hairy" story.
You are "Da man" I look forward to your wit in these letters and I must admit I'm going to buy your book.
Yes, all of the email letters I print in my newsletters are ALL real. Every single one of them. I wish I had more time in the day, because I get hundreds of them a week...
Thanks for the compliments, and enjoy.
Ok David, first off, I would like to say thank you for taking the years that you did to get all of this great info., and then be generous enough to spread the knowledge. Here is my situation. I knew this girl back in high school, and I haven't seen her since graduation (about 2 yrs ago). I bumped into her the other day and WOW (she is a
9.5 easy). Well, having not yet tried out any of your techniques, I thought "What the hell, let's go for it." It worked. The c/f technique was golden. Got her email AND number. Well, we eventually went out and had a great time. A couple of days later, I went over to see her new place, and well, things got a little wild. (it all started with your amazing kiss technique- thanks
again) So here's the deal. She likes me a lot, and I like her a lot, but I have been playing back in order to keep the ugly head of the "wussy" out of the picture. When is a good time (or is there a good time at all) to be serious with her? Do I bust on her all the time, b/c I don't want her to think I am a jerk? Any help you can give is great.
Thanks again. ME
Well, I don't exactly know what you mean by "serious".
If you mean "When can I talk about how I'm sad because my dog got run over and my inner child needs a hug", then NEVER is the answer. Well, maybe you can have one "serious" conversation like this on the 10th date, and it can last no longer than 5 minutes.
Just stay away from heavy emotional issues, problems, drama, and general WUSS topics.
If you need a friend, GET A DOG!
lol... I forgot where that line is from, but I love it.
Well, I've got to say, after trying many, many different methods, yours have been the first ones to work. I cut and pasted your online personal add and sent it out to a few women on a college- oriented site. This is after trying
(unsuccessfully) for many months to get any sort of response from the women on the site. Before reading the newsletters, I would've typically sent out about 20 e-mails, and got 1 response if I was lucky. This time, however, I sent out about 5 or 6, and got 3 replies the next day! Unbelievable!
Now, for the tricky part...getting the number and the date. I've got some leads, and I want to keep my C&F attitude up. I'm just normally funny, but need practice at being cocky. (I'm either too subtle, or too extreme, so I'm practicing at finding a middle ground.) But, in the meantime, what kind of C&F response would you give to a University-aged woman?
There are all kinds of great topics you could work with.
You could make fun of the classes they're taking, bust on them for taking easy classes, accuse them of taking 10 years to get a 4 year degree... the list is endless.
Since you're going to be meeting these women at some point, make sure you go and do things with them that have "built in conversation value". Go to interesting, fun parts of town with unusual and interesting shops.
This kind of thing creates all kinds of opportunity for great comments... and it keeps the energy up all by itself.
Now that you're meeting women online, do yourself a big favor and practice your skills CHATTING with women.
Chatting is great because it slows the conversation down to about 1/5 the normal speed, and gives you time to plan out what you're saying.
I'm real sorry but I still cannot figure out how to build bridges after getting the email address.
Normally the next day I send the lady an email, she replies and then I can't think what on earth else to do. My overall goal is to get with her - so can you help me man?
Yes, I think I can help.
1. Set up a meeting for tea.
2. Have her stop by your place on the way to tea.
3. Have fun, interesting conversation.
4. Invite her back to your place.
5. Use the Kiss Test.
6. Use your creativity and imagination.
Don't focus too much on "getting with her", just focus on getting to THE NEXT STEP.
In other words, when you email - don't say something like:
"Hi, it was great meeting you. I'm single and nice, and you seem like you'd make a great girlfriend for a sweet, desperate loser like myself."
Stay off of heavy conversation. Don't talk about relationships and marriage, etc. Just talk and enjoy yourself. But keep progressing as you do.
As long as you relax and make each progressive step easy and natural, you'll be fine.
Again, just take it one step at a time.
I’m 42 and a bald, average, confident guy. After being recently divorced (Dec/01) after 24 yrs and thoroughly confused about dating and what women want. I bought [another dating book] and was even more scared to do any of what was asked to do. I bought your course and coupled with watching the players in clubs I knew C&F was the answer. I used it successfully on over (9) women since Jan/02 all resulting in them wanting much, much more* than I was willing to give. They all call from time-to-time for fun!
*Here is where I have the problem and it might help others trying for this type of relationship.
I am single and love my Space and I want to have fun for a while and eventually marry again I’m looking for Her and it takes a while to see if she is Her I get them hooked way too fast and not trying to do so This is how: Women are attracted to C&F, They want fun and excitement; I think I know why they want funny for the fun things to do in life (too many boring guys out there) and the cocky part piques their inner flames to what could happen as far as passion. If when you are passionate with them you have to be a Leader and show them as bad a boy as they can handle. This has in all instances so far lead them to call me and pursue me: the next day and weeks ahead. They want a far deeper relationship. They want C&F in their lives. These are not clingy people (7-9’s) (24-44yrs) and profess to want to be friends first. Email is great as it has a way of helping them say things they wished they could say in person. Do you have any wisdom on how to do C&F and not hit all of her senses?
Thanks Again for C&F J.
lol... you poor, poor dear. Sounds tough, really.
I think you're doing fine. You're on the right track, and I think that you're going to find an outstanding woman to have a longer-term relationship with.
I personally think that the problem isn't the techniques you're using, it's that you're now seeing that YOU CAN CHOOSE A WOMAN, rather than having HER CHOOSE YOU... and it's making you far more SELECTIVE than you were in the past.
When you're seeing several attractive women at the same time, you begin to realize that you can have whatever you want. You no longer have to settle.
This has the effect of making you a lot pickier about what you'll tolerate... and it makes you see negatives a lot more clearly in women.
Again, I think you're doing fine. Just stick with it and you'll find a great woman to marry again, if that's what you want.
Hi Dave. I don't think the cocky/funny technique will work for me. I'm 19 y/o, 5' 3" and 117 lb. I have an average build, dark hair and blue eyes. I also have a fetish for girls with big bellies.
What do you think? Be honest.
Well, if I can get myself to stop laughing, maybe I can answer you!
OK, let's make sure I have the facts straight here...
You're five foot three, weigh 117, and LIKE WOMEN WITH BIG BELLIES?
Honestly, I think you're right... I don't think that the Cocky & Funny technique will work for you... in fact
...I DON'T THINK ANYTHING IS GOING TO WORK FOR YOU.
Make sure you don't tell any of your other guy friends about this. It might get ugly.
By the way, you may not have considered this, but women with big bellies usually got them from eating a lot... and my guess is that they might be expensive dates.
Dated someone for 4 years. Turned into a wussy boy a couple times, and both times she left me for the same guy. This guy was a selfish, conceited jerk, but he was the ONLY guy she's ever dated who she couldn't wrap around her finger. He was an impossible challenge... and so her sexual attraction to him was enormous. (Hmmm...is there a lesson to be learned here...?) Since we broke up about a year ago, I've been reading your newsletters and your ebooks. Now I'M the challenging one. I don't flatter women with compliments, I don't buy drinks or flowers, I split the dinner tab, I don't always call (or call back) every day, I keep my social life busy and interesting. And I never ever EVER lose my composure with a woman - no matter how much I'm attracted to them. (In truth: I caved to one woman, told her how attracted I was to her, and instantly found myself in the "just friends" pit of no return. Oops. Had to learn the hard way.) Now every time a woman tries to test my level of "wussiness" I completely annihilate them with a cocky+funny comment...and they LOVE me for it.
And...of course...guess who suddenly wants to date me again...
Thanks D, M.S. Chicago
P.S. Took this off the end of the 1st paragraph above...it was getting too long, but I love this perspective from a woman: While investigating this illogical phenomenon, I asked a somewhat- attractive female friend of mine "so...can you shed any light onto the whole 'why women are attracted to jerks' idea?" And her answer (quote): "Because we're too leery of a nice guy.
Nice guys creep me out. They seem like I can walk all over them and I hate that. Women want a bit of a challenge."
This is truth from the mountain. Read it 100 times a day.
Print it and tape it to your computer monitor.
Put a copy in your wallet... next to the money so you see it often.
Put one on your car sun visor and mirror.
And go read it again now.
Yes Dave, you are 100% correct. Even us older, fatter, grayer, slower wusses can learn new tricks. I went from a 4 time loser to being called biggest old stud in town! Now that was a hell of an ego boost! Especially since I'm 48 and close to 300 lbs. and yes, at the moment, I have steady dates for 3 days of the week every week and 5 others professing their love for me if only I will come take them away.
Here are what I found to work:
1) Women over 35 expect you to be extremely inventive with a cocky funny line or extremely truthful. They all claim it is because they have had so many used on them, they are totally immune to them. I tend to go the extremely truthful route. the ie. you look like the type of woman who would like a funny witty, intelligent, romantic friend. Have you found any lately??? I want to shake their hand. Or something similar.
2) If you are emailing back and forth and they want your picture within the first couple of exchanges, run do not walk, that lady to the discard pile immediately. Most of those are so shallow they can not and will not see what they are doing, no matter how funny and blunt you are. I even tried the "what’s in it for me?" line, only to get the reply of "me stupid, but only if I like your picture"
3) When the lady says I don't think I'm really your type, you look them straight in the eye and say "ok, plenty more where you came from" and turn and walk away. 9 out of 10 of them will be calling you in 48 hours.
4) They all know about arranging dates for the week and finding the dates on the weekend. So tell them you only have like Friday, Saturday OR Sunday open but not all. Most will tell you to rearrange your week to fit them in. The ones really really interested will call you on Saturday to see if you can go out on the spur of the moment.
5) I tell them all I am too much to handle and too much to love, so being friends is just perfect. But I have zero experience in this dating more than one woman thing at a time. Do you have any advice. Especially since I am sure to make a lot of mistakes. Yeah, they all want to arrange more time with me.
So you see, your techniques work. Even my 21 y/o daughter who reads these occasionally says, "I can't agree all the way, but damn he sure got the last 5 guys I dated nailed"
Keep up the good work Dave.
Wow, more priceless wisdom.
To answer your question, the way to see more than one woman at a time is to NOT SEE ANY OF THEM TOO OFTEN.
When you see or talk to a woman more than once or twice a week, it kicks in the natural "relationship" emotions and patterns of communication and behavior.
If you keep things to once a week, and sometimes twice, you'll tend to avoid this.
It's also good to tell the women that you're seeing, that you don't think it's a good idea to get into a relationship too quickly with someone you just met (I believe this is a very important idea, myself).
Thanks for the great ideas.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your book...very enlightening. I've always found myself attracting girls I'm not romantically interested in, while crashing and burning with the hotties. It was very confusing until I read your book. I realize now that I was a wuss with the hotties by being a typical "nice guy", and that the more I acted indifferent with the girls I didn't like, the more they ate it up. You gave me a new perspective on what makes attraction work, and I'm glad to see that your book pointed out that you don't have to be a jerk to be successful.
My game has improved but it still requires some refining. Lately I find I'm stalling out between the first and second date. So I'm wondering if I'm screwing up the date itself or the follow-through. Here are the steps I take after a date:
1) I call within two days to say I had a good time and basically make contact. I end the conversation first, and let her know I'll give her a shout in a couple days...just so I don't seem like I'm rushing into a second date.
2) I let two or three days pass and call to make arrangements for a second date. At this point I usually get a vague answer like "lets set something up for next week"...and then it never happens.
Where is this falling apart and what kind of follow- through do you use?
Thanks for the help,
SF London, Ontario
I'm going to have to guess at a few things, but I'll give it a shot.
From the sounds of it, you need to:
1. Stop with the "I had a good time" type comments when you call for a follow up. You might experiment with waiting longer to call... or waiting less time to call. See what works best for you. But don't be so "nice".
2. Do more things to make your date feel ATTRACTION. Use what you've learned to really turn the dial up. You might test progressing further on the first date... maybe start getting physical faster.
3. Make sure you keep her laughing, and keep busting on her and treating her like a "friend" at first. Remember the idea of acting like she's your Bratty Little Sister.
It sounds like you're doing something on those first dates that's making the women resistant to seeing you again... you need to figure out what it is and STOP IT.
On vacation in Mexico, a girl asked me if she was "super hot" and I said "Yeah, you're alright." Next thing you know she made it her business to prove to me how hot she was, including some freaky dancing, even flashing me, and a little lip action. Moral: Never give them what they want. I moved in to kiss a girl a little too early and she backed away. So I went back to teasing her and on the next attempt I went straight for the neck, ears, hands in hair and well you wouldn't believe it; but it worked that time. Your book has a lot of very good information, thank you for putting it together. So here's my question: This girl at my gym is of those that I've always wanted to talk to but never really had the chance. She was bartending the other night and I told her I'd seen her at the gym. She said "yeah, but I don't make it in there as much lately." I replied "Yeah, I can tell, you're really letting yourself go." Then she gives me a shot and asks me if I'd help her with her workout." She also said she remembered me from the gym and I said "So you were checking me out?" So I get her number, not bad, eh? So I'm in the bar for another hour with some friends and I was going to order a drink from her later, but it might've seemed like I wanted to talk to her again. She seemed busy and didn't look at me. Seemingly wuss behavior or she's just busy? Who knows. That was on Saturday and I called her on Wednesday, still no reply and today is Friday. I'm thinking either calling her once more over the weekend, asking about playing hard to get and if she just randomly gives out shots, or maybe going back to her bar in a week or two with some friends. Again, thank you for all you've done and thanks in advance for any suggestions.
I'm going to tell you something here, and leave it to you to figure out why it's important:
YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT RIGHT AFTER YOU GOT HER NUMBER.
This is SUPER ULTRA EXTRA important... and I want you to consider it in your mind until you figure out why.
I got your e-mails for about a month before i actually bought the books and I regret waiting so long. I have never been so confident around women. I stand as a security guard at the entrance of a retail store and 8's, 9's, and some 10's pass by me everyday. I used to turn my head and stare away. Now I know what they want from reading your book and I can look at them, talk to them, and bust their balls even without ever meeting them.
I do have a problem though. I took this beautiful girl out on a first date, the C&F technique worked so well all night from the movie to the dinner to the goodnight kiss (tongue included) that we both definitely wanted a 2nd date. So what's the problem. She can't stop thinking about me or leaving me alone. I'm getting 10 text messages a day from this girl that I really only want to date a few times. I'm enjoying this bein single dating around and she wants me to be with her everyday.
How can I slow this down, without losing the C&F personality?
Wow, another guy who my heart goes out to.
I need to write a book called "Cut Your Dating In Half: A guide for guys who are too successful with my materials."
I think what you need to do is get together with her and say: "Look, you're acting like we're married, and you need to cool it. I think you're great, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now, so if you want to keep seeing me, then you're going to need to chill."
I realize that it sounds a little bit harsh, but it's the truth, and you need to be direct in a situation like this one...
OK, if you're reading this right now and you're thinking to yourself, "I really need to get my dating life handled", then YOU'RE RIGHT.
I couldn't agree with you more.
I can't say that my techniques will absolutely work for you without question. You're the one that has to use them...
But I will say that if you get out there and try them, I think you'll find that they work better than anything else, and that you'll have more success than you have now. It took me YEARS to really figure out what women respond to, and I really believe that ANY guy can use the material to attract women.
Depending on just HOW shy or nervous you are, you might need to get that handled... but once you start working with the techniques, I think you'll be VERY pleased with the results...
Get yourself a copy of my eBook, "Double Your Dating".
It's the ultimate training manual for meeting women... and it will increase your success DRAMATICALLY.
And the best part is that you DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE NOW. Right now I'm running a special FREE TRIAL... I want you to check it out and see for yourself just how much the strategies and techniques inside improve your game.
Go here to check out some free samples and get all the details... and be sure to sign up for my FREE Dating Secrets Newsletter while you're at it:
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.