How to get over your fear of women
Here’s the truth - all of us guys are afraid of women on some level. The problem? Women can smell fear a mile away. If you don’t have your “inner game” handled, it’s going to be a long hard road to success with women, my brother. So read this article by dating guru David DeAngelo – you’ll get a handle on your fear… and women will LOVE you for it.
>>>THIS WEEK'S READER COMMENT:
Hi Obi'Wan De'Angelo,
I was one of, I'm guessing, the heaps of other guys that have trouble with the ladies that are giant procrastinators.
This was a major problem of mine, I'd think about what to do and what to say, only to find that I missed my opportunity in doing so.
Then a few weeks after reading "Double Your Dating" I thought bugger this what am I scared of a little girl who is smaller than me not being interested. What a way to live life. Worried so much about what somebody else might think or say.
I'm 19 and had never dated, so I set myself a goal of getting half a dozen dates by the end of the year. Now this may not seem like a lot, but to me it seemed almost impossible. I started by phoning a girl that is in my course at uni who's number I already had, and I arranged a study date.
When I say 'I' she basically organized it, I think she was just waiting for me to show some initiative because she sounded almost ecstatic that I had phoned'.
And although I didn't jump straight in the deep- end asking a stranger for her number, that was only a step away. Now I have so many girls to choose from it's almost confusing. Though I prefer being confused than lonely.
So Dave what I'm trying to say is you have improved my life tenfold. Not only am I having a great time seeing different girls, I'm also doing better at my studies because I no longer have in the back of my mind how pathetic I am. I also have made more friends through knowing so many more people. All I needed was that first little step and it soon snowballed, because as you know pretty girls know pretty girls, now it's just a matter of finding one that meets my now prestigious standards.
Dave IOU my life, thanks.
Thanks for the great Success Story! Nice!
Ah, the concept that is near and dear to all of us men who have started on the path to success with women and dating...
Fear of rejection.
Fear of embarrassment.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of what a woman might do if we start talking to her.
Fear of what other guys would think if they knew that we needed help with women.
Fear of what WOMEN would think if they knew that we needed help with women.
Fear of admitting that we're AFRAID.
...and about 100 others.
But, what exactly IS fear?
And why is it such a problem?
And what can be done to overcome it?
Well, let's start with what fear is, then we'll move on to some techniques to get past it.
I once heard a great definition of FEAR:
False Evidence Appearing Real
In other words, the things that you feel fear about are usually not real. It's usually just "false evidence". You also might think back about the last 10 things you felt fear around. Now, ask yourself...
Did any of those things come true?
In most of the cases, you'll find that the fear did NOT come true.
I heard once that something like 98% of the things that people fear and worry about never come true.
I've found this to be true in my own life as well.
Fear is an emotion, or an emotional state. It's an amazing and wonderful emotion... because it can help save your life in certain situations.
A hundred thousand years ago, when we were running around in the desert, we needed powerful, motivating emotions like FEAR to save our lives.
When you feel fear (especially if it's a response to real physical danger) you'll notice that some AMAZING things happen. Your eyes open up wider so you can see better, adrenaline pumps into your body, your heart beats fast to deliver blood to your muscles, and all kinds of other wondrous processes are triggered.
The PROBLEM is when we experience fear at times when there IS NO real physical danger.
We humans are amazing. We can just IMAGINE things and feel fear in response to the mental images.
And I'm sure you know exactly what the problem is with this... it can IMMOBILIZE you at critical times.
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd like to meet, but you just couldn't walk over and start talking to her?
No, it's never happened to me, either.
What was the problem?
Usually, it's fear.
Fear that she'll get upset, or fear that she'll have a boyfriend... or fear that she'll embarrass you in front of others... or fear that you won't know what to say to her...
And, of course, when you feel that strong fear emotion, it just FREEZES you and makes you totally ineffective.
So, what's the solution?
Well, there are several ways to overcome fears.
One way is to do the thing you fear. If you do the thing that you fear, and see that nothing bad will happen, then you eventually overcome it and become programmed not to feel fear anymore.
For instance, if you're afraid to approach women and talk to them, just DO IT. Go talk to 50 women in the next week and see that most of them will respond positively to you (if you don't act like a dumb-ass, that is).
Other ways to overcome your fear when it comes to approaching women include:
- Understanding the dynamics of male/female interactions better than most women do.
- Learning how to approach women using the same types of words and body language that the masters use.
- Learning how to use props or other devices to get a woman's attention without having to "approach" her directly.
- Learning mental techniques to overcome fears or "reset" your emotions instantly, anytime you'd like (this is one of my personal favorites).
- Using mental preparation to be completely ready for anything that might happen.
...and there are several others.
I have spent a lot of time in my own personal life learning about and figuring out how to get past fears and other psychological obstacles with women.
In fact, I devote a couple of chapters of my eBook,
"Double Your Dating" to the idea of the "Inner Game"...
…and focusing on how to get your mind and emotions in the right place so that when you use your techniques they work MUCH BETTER when you do use them. I also discuss them in my free Dating Secrets Newsletter.
It's taken me many years to find the different types of exercises and technologies that you can learn in a few minutes.
I recommend that you go check it out... sign up for my newsletter here, and read the great free samples of my eBook while you're at it:
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.