DATING TIPS Q&A: How to get yourself a girlfriend
If you want to learn how to take a girl you're casually dating… and turn her into your "girlfriend"… then this article is for you. Most guys TOTALLY screw this up – and end up losing the girl completely. Don't be a statistic – read this now. (And when you're done, go get an exclusive FREE trial of his eBook, "Double Your Dating," here.
>>>THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
David, you have helped me a lot so far, and I feel like I am somewhat of a different person now compared to before by reading your dating tips etc. I met a girl not too long ago, she is a couple hours away from me, and I put to work a lot of what you had said since talking to her online, and during my meeting with her, and it all went very well. We spent two awesome nights together, and I gave her a ride up to the city on my way home, and the whole time she was playing with my hair and holding my hand. I was sad to say bye, and I tried keeping my composure saying bye to her and since when we have talked on the net, and I have tried “leaning back” more...it is hard. I even have been trying to talk to and meet other women (I might have another fun day tomorrow lol) but all the same, I like this one in particular, and I am unsure of how to bring up and try and head towards a relationship with her (at least talking with her about it) without starting to look like a wuss. I know from experience that once the wuss factor kicks in I can kiss any chance goodbye and will just be a LJBF for the girl. Do I just try playing it cool and hope she comes to me, and just try going with other girls in the meantime, or do I approach her...and if I do what do I say? I know she does have some feelings for me, I kind of brought it up (minor wuss episode). I want to on one hand be able to know how to deal with women before getting involved seriously with one, but if I met one I want already, then I would be happy with that. I think I would enjoy a long term relationship.
What should I do man? Thanks for everything, you're the best.
This is a really good question... In fact, I think that a lot of guys really wonder “Is there anything I should do DIFFERENTLY if I'd like this to turn into a relationship?”
I need to mention a couple of things here before we go into this topic:
1. I don't normally talk about “relationships”. This isn't because I think that there's anything wrong with them, or have something against them. In fact, I think that relationships are great, and if you're fortunate enough to find an exceptional woman (and you're the type that wants a relationship), it can be a very fulfilling part of life.
I've just decided to focus on the “meeting and dating” part of the equation. There are 100 books out there on relationships, but very few on how to meet women in the first place (and in my experience, most of the relationship books aren't that great either).
So, don't take my lack of addressing relationships as me thinking that you should avoid them. If you want to have a relationship, go for it.
2. The reason why I'd like to address this question is I think many guys wonder if they should do something DIFFERENT if they'd like to pursue a relationship with a woman as opposed to just dating her a few times for short-term fun.
I've also noticed a pattern: When a guy starts to “like” a girl and feel the “I'd like to be in a long-term relationship with this girl” feelings, this can be a powerful emotional influence. Guys often start acting differently WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT, and then justify their new behavior with the good reasoning of “I really like this one”.
...Soooo, I'm going to answer YOUR question by answering the question “Should I do anything DIFFERENT if I'd like this to turn into a relationship?”
And hopefully in the process, you'll get a good idea of what to do in your situation.
I have an idea...
Let's let's look at this from a few different perspectives.
Let's think about some related questions, and work through them to come up with an answer.
Here are a few that come to mind for me:
“If I act like I'm NOT interested in a relationship, will that make a woman less interested in me?”
“Are women automatically “turned off” by guys who aren't interested in relationships?”
“Are there clues or hints that women look for to see whether you're interested in a “short term” or “long term” relationship... or a one-night stand?”
“Will a woman who thinks that you're interested in a “relationship” act differently towards you if she doesn't KNOW what your intentions are?”
“Is it “OK” to be NOT interested in a relationship, but still want to meet and date a woman?”
“How do women know when men ARE pursuing them for a relationship? And how do women typically respond to this?”
“Is there an attitude towards this whole subject that not only works best, but is also the most healthy?”
I'd like you to take a minute and answer these questions the best you can, based on your own ideas, experience, knowledge, etc.
These are great questions to ask yourself on a regular basis, because...
They make you THINK about things in a different way.
This ability to THINK ABOUT THINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES will give you a much clearer outlook when you're dealing with a situation like this one.
Now I'll give you my general answers... I personally think that women have a basic program when it comes to men that are potential romantic interests. It says, “If he chases me, run. If he doesn't chase me, chase him.”
Of course, this is a big generalization, and it doesn't always hold true... but it's true enough in most situations.
If you call a woman all the time, she'll probably not call you. If you take a woman to dinner 4 times in a week, she probably won't be inviting you over for dinner at her place.
On the other hand, if you go out with a woman and she has a GREAT time with you, then you don't call for a couple of days, or maybe you call once for 3 minutes to tell her that you're busy and make plans for a few days later, SHE WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.
I also think that women have other little hints that they look for to see if you're interested in getting into a relationship.
Do you talk about having kids? Do you ask about her family and relationships with them? Do you answer HER questions about these things in a serious way, as if you're being interviewed? Are you acting stilted and nervous, as if something huge is depending on her liking you? Do you call a lot and get her gifts? Do you check up to see that she's doing all the time, even though you don't know her that well?
All of these things are hints that women use to tell...
... how “relationship minded” you are with her.
If you do seem like you're into a relationship, then a woman has a much bigger decision to make, and will be taking all kinds of things into consideration... little gestures will take on new meaning.
If you're ONLY looking for a “relationship”, then this will come across in all your dealings with women. You'll be asking different questions, answering questions differently, and playing to the long term. This can create all kinds of problems when done “too much too soon”.
My personal experience is that women will act much more “real” if you don't put any pressure on the situation. It's when you're acting like this is either “marriage or we're breaking up” right from the beginning that you're ASKING FOR BIG TROUBLE.
Another key point I've realized is that JUST BECAUSE I AM OR AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP FEELING THAT SAME WAY A WEEK FROM NOW.
I've had times in my life when I've been single and thinking, “I'm not into a relationship right now”, and then I met a fantastic woman that changed my mind.
I've also had times when I wanted a relationship, but had more fun being single, so I didn't pursue one.
Best idea: Approach the whole topic with the attitude of “I'm open to whatever great opportunities present themselves.”
When you're with a woman you've just met, don't put the pressure on.
Lean back. Be cool.
(ESPECIALLY if the woman is unusually attractive... attractive women are used to men falling for them too quickly, and this turns them off)
If the topic comes up say, “Well, I'm single now, and if I meet a woman that I really like, then we'll see what happens.” A lot of guys don't want to come across as being “afraid of commitment”. But don't go overboard to prove that you're not... because you'll come across as a Wuss-Bag if you try too hard. A woman won't run away from you if you're not calling her 10 times a day. In fact, she'll PROBABLY run if you DO call her too often.
Another perspective I have is that a LOT of relationship problems are the result of people who don't know each other, getting involved too deeply and too quickly. This is another great thing to MENTION if a woman pushes you on the topic.
But, back to the particular situation at hand...
I think you're doing EXACTLY the right thing (except for the Wuss episode, of course).
You have a woman that lives a couple of hours away that you've known in person for a couple of days. You're not going to be able to spend much time with her ANYWAY.
If I were you, and I REALLY liked her, I would call her a couple of times a week, and see her every week or two for a few months. Get to know her better.
And in the meantime, if you want to see other women, go for it. Do what feels right to you.
What you're doing now is OBVIOUSLY ATTRACTIVE to her, so KEEP IT UP. Don't change what you're doing because you ASSUME that she wants you to act differently towards her to “signal” that you want a relationship.
The relationship will evolve on its own, so let it. You're not in middle school anymore. You don't have to send her a note that says, “Will you go with me?”
But, always remember, don't turn into a WUSSY if you do get into a relationship. If you do, you'll either find yourself being dumped or wake up one day with a ring through your nose and a leash around your neck... and an unhappy woman in your life to boot.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
...and if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself, “OK, I'm ready to REALLY take my success with women to the next level”...
... then come to my website and download a copy of my book, “Double Your Dating”.
Inside you'll learn many things that you'll never read anywhere else.
The best part?
I'll send it to you to check out at MY RISK. You check it out. You try the ideas. You decide if it's for you. If not, pay nothing. No questions, and no hassles.
I'm that sure that it will take your success with women up dramatically.
...you can get it here:
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.