DATING TIPS Q&A: Can you get an ex-girlfriend back?

By: David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"

01/14/2008

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Have you ever had a girlfriend dump you? Have you ever found yourself thinking of her, and wanting her back? Read this article by David D. and find out how to tell if you have a chance of re-kindling the flame – or if you killed the attraction FOREVER.

>>>THIS WEEK'S QUESTION

Dear David,

I am a subscriber to your newsletter, and will soon download your e-book and/or your CD.

I like what you write and I already learned a lot, I believe. But lately you were dealing with a subject intriguing me more than others: why do women leave men. Which triggered my question.

Here it comes:

Last year I was dating a woman for several months, in fact it was beyond dating already, we were close to a committed relationship. And we had pleasure and fun together, great sex and everything. Then all of a sudden she decided that it was not "that", she left and went back to her former guy, a jerk who doesn't treat her even remotely as well as I did. Now from your newsletter I conclude that this was precisely the problem. At the beginning I had acted well (even without having your newsletters then), she was chasing me, not the other way round, and I instinctively did it right, played the "hard to get" and let her run hot. No wonder she was wild on me when we finally hit off. But then I must have changed my behaviour and started acting like a WUSSY. (By the way, what does WUSSY really mean, i.e. the word itself, I am not a native English speaker, I just understand that it is undesirable with women). And consequently she lost interest and attraction for me. But strangely enough ever since then she keeps in contact with me, emailing, phoning, writing that she is missing me, says she wants to keep me as a friend and so on.

Now the real questions:

1) How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she still interested somehow or what?

2) Is there - according your experience - any realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger again her interest and attraction?

I should add that I am not sure that I really want her back, in fact rather not, but it would certainly be nice to get her to that stage again, so I could then decide in control of the situation as in the beginning.

Thanx for any comments of yours

A.H. Zurich, Switzerland


>>>MY COMMENTS:

So let's start with the definition of the word WUSSY...

This word is a combination of the words "Wimp" and another word that starts with P, has a next letter of U, then two of the letter S and finally a letter Y.

In other words, a Wussy (or Wuss), is a guy who tends to behave in a wimpish, submissive, needy, way.

The opposite of a Wussy is Maximus during his first arena fight scene in the movie Gladiator.

The problem with being a Wussy is that women are NOT ATTRACTED TO WEAKNESS... and thus, they are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

Never.

Ever.

Ever.

A woman might MARRY a Wussy because he's either the best she can get, has a lot of money, has courted her for so many years that she finally gives in, or whatever...

But she'll never feel ATTRACTION for him.

Women don't CHOOSE who they feel ATTRACTION for, and they don't choose the emotions that they feel either.

It just HAPPENS. Bam!

One problem that a lot of guys have to face is TURNING INTO a Wussy over time...

When you start off on the right foot, then gradually turn into a Wuss over time with a woman, that emotion called ATTRACTION starts to go away inside of her.

A woman will tell her friends "I don't know what it is...but for some reason lately he's just annoying to be around." etc.

It BOTHERS and ANGERS women when a man that's interested in them acts like a WUSSY. In many women it actually triggers these emotions just like dominant behavior triggers ATTRACTION.

Of course, the worse things get, and the more annoyed a woman becomes, the more like a total WUSSBAG most guys act.

It's one of those "vicious cycles" that usually ends with the woman leaving and the guy sitting there wondering what he did wrong... and him thinking that maybe, if he had just been able to tell her just how much he loved her, that she would not have left him for that other abusive jerk.

OK, so let's talk about your specific questions:

1) "How do you interpret her behavior? Is she still interested somehow or what?"

I interpret her behavior as NATURAL and VERY, VERY PREDICTABLE.

If you do it again in the future, the same thing will probably happen.

Is she still interested?

Yes, she is.

But not in anything more than being your FRIEND.

You have, with your actions and communication, KILLED the ATTRACTION that she felt for you.

This is something you're going to have to deal with and take responsibility for.

You turned into a Wuss, and now you're paying the price.

You have to come to terms with your Inner Wuss before improvement can begin.

2) "Is there - according your experience - any realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger again her interest and attraction?"

Well, this is a sticky question.

There is a CHANCE, yes.

But here's the problem. Probably 90% of the time when I tell a guy exactly what to do in order to get a girl back, he screws it up... doesn't do it exactly the way I say, etc.

And, of course, he makes things worse in the process.

Here's the problem:

Focusing on getting her back will not only lessen the chances, but it will keep you from moving on in your life.

The best thing for you to do is MOVE ON in your life.

Ironically, the way to give yourself the best chances of getting her back is to NOT TRY...

Instead, go date other women, and be scarce in her life.

In other words, you're never going to make her feel any ATTRACTION for you again by staying in touch, being her friend, and being "nice"... and by trying to "win her over" again.

It would be nice if things worked that way, but they don't.

Now, why do guys chase women, and keep doing the WRONG things... even after a woman has left?

In our dealings with women, us guys tend to think things like "That's not fair" and "I did all the right things" and to feel self-righteous because we're the good guy... but miss the point and not get the RESULTS we want.

Remember, though...

Attraction isn't FAIR, it isn't "right," it doesn't care how "nice" you are. Attraction can be cruel and painful sometimes.

You know, the irony of your situation is that this girl was probably just as bummed-out as you were about this whole thing happening.

Women HATE it when guys turn into Wussies.

I know, I know... she did things that made you turn into more and more of a Wuss. It's her fault too... right?

Wrong.

Women do this stuff to TEST you.

They're not actually TRYING to turn you into a Wuss. But if you DO turn into a Wuss, she realizes that she can't trust you to be a man, and she has to go.

Now, she's not doing this to hurt you, she's only doing it because she wasn't getting the feelings that she wanted with you... and now she's getting them with Jerk-Boy.

THE SOLUTION...

As I mentioned, your best bet in this situation is to MOVE ON. Get on with it.

Most importantly, start dating OTHER WOMEN IMMEDIATELY.

Not in a few days, and not next week. NOW.

And stop calling your ex. Stop responding to her quickly. Stop being her WUSS-FRIEND.

It's obvious that the LAST thing you want is to wind up "just being friends" with her... so STOP DOING IT.

Next time she calls, tell her you have a date over at the house, or you're leaving to meet a woman. Of course, make sure IT'S TRUE, like I said.

Stop being so AVAILABLE.

Get busy enjoying your life.

Get busy dating other women.

If you find yourself thinking about her and wanting to hear her voice, BITCH-SLAP yourself. If you're feeling weak, have a friend do it.

And when you do wind up talking to her, say the following:

"Hey, calling for more therapy? No-can-do... I have to run to the gym to get in shape for my hot date on Friday..."

You feel me, dog?

And remember...

In this world, "I was a nice guy and did nice things for her" doesn't cut it. Attraction has a totally different set of rules... and exceptions. And if you want to get and keep an attractive woman, then you'd better learn them.

It's a skill, and you're not going to get it by being "nice" and doing everything your mom taught you...

If a woman feels ATTRACTION for a man, she'll do almost anything to stay with him. If she DOESN'T feel it, then the chances are slim that she'll stay around.

These rules are even MORE TRUE when you're dealing with an ATTRACTIVE woman who gets a lot of attention from guys.

The irony of this situation is that I think it's a lot easier to make a woman feel ATTRACTION than it is to be a Wuss who chases after her, buys her things, and annoys the hell out of her.

I spent a lot of years of my life being a Wuss.

I made all the classic mistakes.

I should probably be awarded an honorary degree in the subject, actually.

But over the last several years I've not only learned how to cure myself and evict my Inner Wuss... I've also learned how to make women feel ATTRACTION with my body language and communication alone.

I only wish someone would have shown me this stuff fifteen years ago...

If you're reading this right now and it's time that you evicted your inner Wussy, and learned how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you without chasing them, buying them things, and giving all of your power away, then listen up...

THE TIME IS NOW.

This stuff isn't going to fix itself.

And you know by now that more of the same is only going to get you more of the same.

If you need a WORLD-CLASS de-Wuss-ification, then you need my industrial-strength solution...

My “Double Your Dating” ebook is the ultimate training manual on how to be successful with women and dating.

It has taken me literally YEARS of time, energy, research, and effort to figure all of this stuff out...

For every one secret, concept, or technique that I teach in this program, I've probably tried ten or twenty others that didn't work...

In other words, this stuff is the real deal.

It's me, personally teaching all of the very best secrets, concepts, and specific step-by-step techniques for meeting and dating women that I personally use in real-world situations.

While you’re at it, you can sign up for my FREE newsletter. It’s filled with more great tips and advice that you can start using today to have more success with women.

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