DATING TIPS: Ice breakers and starting conversations with women
Have you ever seen a woman you wanted to approach, but didn’t know quite how to do it? The world if full with interesting, attractive women for you to meet – IF you know the right approach. Read the David DeAngelo article below and you’ll ALWAYS know the right thing to say to a new woman…
If there are people out there who still don't believe in the cocky & funny, QUIT DOUBTIN' IT AND
START WORKIN' IT!
The other night I was at a burger joint near my office. It's one of those grungy independent places that's popular with the locals, and out of towners make a point to visit if they're here for something else. The line had snaked around, and a group of three cuties was standing in front of my table. They were talking about what they'd heard, and one of them said she was looking forward to their fries.
Since I had a bunch of fries in front of me, I made eye contact and gave my fries a Vanna White flourish with my hands. She said, "Wow those look good. Can I?"
I offered her one of my fries. She dipped it in my cup of ketchup, and right as she popped it in her mouth, I looked her in the eye and said "By the way, I double-dip." In the space of two seconds, her expressions ranged from shock at my brashness, to wondering whether she should be grossed out, to laughing.
I knew I could have gotten her e-mail/number... and the thing is, I didn't even want to, because I've been seeing a solid eight. Sure, there are hotter, but until recently I would have thought she was entirely out of my league. And I ALWAYS bust her balls. She's always coming up to me, saying "Gimme kiss". I think for a second and say, "Umm... no, but thanks!" And then she's enthusiastically kissing me. Or more.
I'm not the hottest guy out there. I'm pretty fat, actually. But women hate how desperation smells, and if a beautiful woman sees that you're not looking for just anyone who'll return the conversation, and that you're not intimidated by their looks, that's GOLD, man, GOLD.
In fact, it's even worked for me at the office. Now, yes, here you have to be more careful. And it doesn't substitute for competence. But my boss sees I'm not intimidated, and I get stuff done. In fact, today I just landed a $5K raise.
You must be tired of hearing it... well, hear it again. Dave, you da man.
Well, I think my favorite line in your email was...
"...women hate how desperation smells..."
Because this doesn't make a whole lotta sense to most of the guys who read it, let me do the honors of breakin' it down for ya...
When someone says something like this, what they're trying to say is that there's something about "desperation" that women pick up on... but it's not easy to describe.
Desperation comes across in all kinds of subtle ways, from how you talk to a woman, to the eye contact that you make, to how often you call her.
Women can "smell" it because women are approximately TEN TIMES better at reading body language than men. Your body language says everything about you to a woman... so if you want to get better at attracting women, you'd better start paying attention to and taking control of it.
Start with your posture. Lift your chest.
Lean back, not forward.
Leaning forward is usually a "needy" signal.
Leaning back is usually a signal of strength.
Slow down your movements.
Fast movements convey nervousness and skittishness.
Slow movements convey self control and strength.
It's a good idea to take some time and study the body language of guys who are successful with women. Watch closely, and pay attention to EVERYTHING.
Even though something doesn't SEEM like it's important, it probably is.
I have a good friend who holds his drink a certain way when he's talking to a woman that he's interested in.
He does it almost every time.
Is it important?
You do the math.
Thanks for the email. Good stuff.
***COMMENTS FROM A WOMAN***
Hey Dave -
Ok, I can't help myself. I've got to comment again. I commented last week in response to a writer who was disturbed with your methods of meeting women. And now this week, I find another, equally amusing halfwit who just doesn't get it (the one you affectionately called a "crack smoker".. hehehe).
Is it me or the rest of the world? Jesus, people. It's not disrespectful, it's not meant to be hurtful or demeaning. It's called TEASING ... it's a playful, flattering form of teasing.
Let me give you an example of a guy I met recently, from a female's point of view -- one guy's success story (and unless he gets your newsletter or has read your materials, he's probably totally unaware of HOW he "hooked" me so easily). I met a guy online several months ago, we chatted for awhile and quickly discovered that we had a very compatible quick-witted sense of humor (he was cocky and very funny from the get-go ...I loved it). Everytime we talked on the phone, he'd find a way to bust my chops and make me laugh. (Sounds cliche, but "He had me at hello." hehehe) He'd always point out some imperfection of mine and blow it all out of proportion and talk about how it just wasn't going to work out because of all my flaws (kidding the whole time, of course) ... one being the fact that I'm not particularly very well endowed in the chest region. A modest 38B. So after we met that first time, he walked me to my car that night, and as he turned to walk towards his car, he paused and turned back long enough to say "oh, and you're right, you're not very busty." Shocked, I just said, "oh get outta here you *&$%@# " and jabbed him in the arm. And I grinned the whole way home. And I couldn't wait to see him again.
I hope you consider including this in your newsletter to encourage guys to keep trying your methods. THEY DO WORK! With the negative comments in the last couple of newsletters from "outraged" readers, I'd hate for any guy to second-guess that this stuff works. Because as far as I'm concerned, there just aren't enough of you guys (cocky & funny) around. At least I can't find 'em.
J, in Maryland
Yea, well I think that the REAL problem that the "halfwits" and "crack smokers" of past newsletters are having is that they don't GET IT.
I've found that women HATE the idea that guys are doing ANYTHING "intentionally" to become more successful in the dating world.
Anything that has to be "learned" really freaks some women out (as a side note, I've found that most of the women I've talked to in person about my ideas were OK with them. On occasion, a woman will freak out, but after they actually "get" what I'm talking about, they almost universally LIKE the ideas).
The REAL profound insight that I've had relating to this topic is that women will often SAY that they want one thing, but then when they GET it they seem like they don't want it.
On the other hand, women will often SAY that they don't like certain types of guys or certain traits, then they'll turn around and SLEEP with one of these exact guys.
Keep in mind, we're talking about women here, and I don't mean to pick on them... the fact is that GUYS have their own set of bizarre behaviors too. But since everyone is reading these Mailbags to learn about how to attract women, we're going to have to skip this discussion. Wink Wink.
And for all the guys who doubt that what we're talking about here "works", just ask yourself these questions:
1) Is what you're CURRENTLY doing working?
2) Isn't it worth the risk to try ANYTHING else if there's even a CHANCE that it will actually work?
Thanks for your email.
Been getting your newsletter for about two months now. Also got both your book and your DVD. They're just unbelievably superb!!!! The stuffs in your book and DVD are so easy to be understood. It is like reading "How to double your dates for Dummies". I was always nervous when I was around hot looking girls. Now, I actually have the confidence to walk up to them and ask for their emails/numbers. It's such a big shift in such a short time. Composure is almost what the girls are looking for. Without it, they can sense you got no game. You really got the stuffs. It works wonders. I'm certainly still new to this and I am practicing everyday constantly.
I have no problems asking girls for the emails. I understand how the composure, voice tone and everything works. But this is my problem. Some girls actually say this exact same lines like "Why don't you give me your email/number and I'll email/call you." I really am stuck after they said this. I just can't figure out some C&F to say at this point to amplify the situation. I am ready to be enlightened by your teaching.
My new Sensei,
Big bow to you,
lol... I love questions like this one.
Yea, when you start getting good at approaching women, you will start having all kinds of far-out things happen. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite stories that my friends and I laugh about are about times that I started conversations with women.
Here, let me confuse you for a moment...
Let me give you a couple of different perspectives on your situation.
I have one good friend who has been with literally HUNDREDS of women.
He told me a story about a woman that said this to him. He asked her for her number, and she said "Well, why don't you write down your number and I'll call you...".
He didn't even hesitate... he shot back "Don't give me that SH**, write your number down!".
She smiled and wrote her number down.
One time I was out talking to a girl... I asked her to write down her email and number, and she said "You give me your number" etc.
I looked at her and said "Never mind".
Then, as the conversation went on, she started making comments about talking to me in the future, giving her my number, etc.
I just said "Nah, you're not serious. If you were, you wouldn't be playing games with me, and you'd just give me your number".
She wrote it down.
Funny enough, my standard response to "Why don't you give me your number instead and I'll call you" is to just look at her and say "Write it down. It will be OK..." and then point to the paper.
That probably works about 50% of the time.
You have what I like to refer to as a "high quality problem". Remember what you've learned in my DVD program about what a woman is REALLY looking for. Then be it.
Just because a woman says "Give me your number instead" doesn't mean that you've lost control. It's usually just a test.
OMG okay Dave,
I'm a female and have been reading your newsletters to try and figure out where guys get their "game" from. Now that I know it's from you, I would like to say you're a total genius. Like I've had guys use your tips on me and at first I've been like "what the hell" then later on in the conversation, we were exchanging numbers and kisses. you must be like a woman in disguise or something. you are so awesome.
Well, one thing is for sure... I'm NOT a woman in disguise.
I don't know many women who could explain this stuff the way I do.
Oh, and feel free to send your picture and phone number with your emails in the future.
If there's one thing that's better than a man recognizing my genius, it's a cute gal recognizing it.
By the way, you said something that was very interesting in your email.
You said that when guys start using these techniques with you, at FIRST you respond with "what the hell"... but LATER ON you wind up kissing and exchanging numbers.
Very VERY interesting.
This is a KEY point that most guys just can't grasp or work with. Thanks for laying it out.
can u please let me know, what is meant by a wussy.? I've came across this word a lot, in ur newsletter, wussy, and wussies, but couldn't figure out, what it means. I didn't find the meaning of that word in the dictionary too.
as you used in ur letter, Women aren't attracted to Wussies what is meant by that.
waiting for ur reply
Yes, I can explain the concept of what a "Wussy" is quite easily.
If you say things like "waiting for your ur reply", you're communicating like a Wussy.
If you don't know what a Wussy is, you probably are one.
Guys who aren't Wussies know what a "Wussy" is because they usually MAKE FUN OF THEM a lot.
I know, I know... I'm being harsh.
But I used to be a BIG TIME Wussy. It was a problem.
I used to call women all the time, kiss up to them, give away my power to them, and every other WUSS-ISH thing you could do.
In other words, I'm an expert.
A Wussy is a guy who gives away his power to women, and behaves in a "submissive" way.
Don't do this.
It's the DARK SIDE, if there ever was one.
I've been reading your newsletter for about a month now and I respect your honesty and perspectives. The things you've said makes lots of sense and I have no doubts that they work. In fact, I have observed others use your techniques they and get remarkable results with the ladies. Now, when I read your newsletters, I thought to myself and realized that I have been somewhat using your "cocky and funny" techniques unconsciously... ie, teasing the girls, making fun of them but not putting them down. (I guess its part of my personality). I make some of the girls I work with as well as my customers laugh.
The thing is, when I go out to a bar or a nightclub, or anywhere else for that matter, I tend to clam up for some reason. I might even give the impression to others that I'm a tightass because I dont open my mouth. I know I can keep the ball rolling once I have the girls attention. My problem is the ice breaker. The very first thing I say AFTER introducing myself, or even BEFORE depending on the situation. I feel like I dont have any interesting things to say to start up a conversation. My question is how can I prepare myself to be more cocky per say? What ice breakers can I use and not look like a wuss at the same time? I try to listen in on the guys next to me pick up girls, try to hear what they are saying. But I'm hard of hearing and its quite hard in noisy situations for me to hear anything unless my ear is literally close. Interested in any perspectives and feedback you can give to start off.
A.W.G. - Illinois
Most guys are afraid of approaching women and starting conversations.
When you say the words "ice breaker", you ASSUME that a woman is going to respond to you "coldly". You know, Ice=Cold.
The fact is that there are a certain percentage of women out there who are happy, open, and receptive in general, and a certain amount that are cold, closed, and NOT receptive.
I had a guy come to my last seminar in Los Angeles who went out one of the evenings and started approaching women.
He came back into the seminar the next day and told his story...
He said that he couldn't believe how he let his past negative programming stop him from starting conversations with women. He had gone out, and walked up to women one after the other and just simply said "Hi, I'm out meeting people tonight, what's your name?" and women were giving him all kinds of positive responses.
Just remember that most women will respond somewhere in the range of "neutral" to "positive" if you say almost ANYTHING to them.
Now, if you want to start conversations in bars and nightclubs, and you just can't get the nerve up to do it, try this...
Find a BUSY place near the bar where people are lining up to order drinks. Find a place where people are literally crammed together like sardines.
Work your way up to the bar at the BUSIEST spot, and either stand there, or get a chair there.
The idea is that you want to be where a lot of women will walk up to the bar during the evening and ACCIDENTALLY bump into you.
If you REALLY want to make this work for you, wear a loud or unique shirt... something that has a soft, "feely" texture.
Over the course of a few hours, some conversations will start BY THEMSELVES.
Women will say "excuse me" and try to get past you.
Some women will ask you to order a drink for them.
Some will just bump up against you on accident and then apologize.
Take a few minutes, and think up some good responses that fit your personality... and have them ready.
"Look, if you wanted to start a conversation with me you could have just said "hi", you didn't have to be violent about it."
That should get you started.
The point is that there's a way to put yourself in a situation that automatically sparks conversations. You just need to be ready when it happens.
This kind of thing should help you get past the fear and hesitation to start conversations on your own.
First off, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to put all of this material together. As a guy who is finally beginning to understand the game and is on his way to "get it", I'd like to thank you. I'm still not completely to the place I'd like to be, but I'm on my way (being able to walk up to any woman who I'd like to meet and being able to secure digits and lead things the rest of the way from there). The ideas that I'm finding that really help me keep my focus (and not get too nervous/needy) are many from your advanced program that I purchased. ex- What they think of you is their business, and acting almost too comfortable around them. I'm also in the process of reading Comedy Writing Secrets by Helitzer and have 3 other books purchased (of those you recommended) that will be my next projects.
Okay, on to the comment and question. I've read recently that studies have shown (can't remember if this was from Reader's Digest or what) that even if you're a shy person, acting outgoing will improve your mental health and get rid of that feeling of seclusion that many introverted people have. On to the question... in your Advanced DVD program, the idea of congruence is mentioned several times, mostly as that you have to be congruent when you talk to a woman. This concept seems to be rather elusive and I was wondering if you could go into more detail about what "being congruent" entails.
T.C. from Virginia
Sure, the idea of being "congruent" when you communicate simply means to have ALL LEVELS of your communication be "in alignment" with each other and "saying the same thing".
If you're asking a woman for her number, but you're looking around nervously and hesitating, it's not "congruent".
On the other hand, if you're saying "Write down your email and number for me" while taking out a pen and paper... as if it's the 147th time that you've done it, it's CONGRUENT.
Most people don't realize that they're sending MIXED MESSAGES all the time.
Have you ever asked someone "What's wrong?" and had them say "NOTHING'S WRONG! Why does everyone keep asking me what's wrong?".
That's a mixed message. And it's not congruent.
You want to “line up” ALL of your communication.
Your body language, voice tone, words, etc.
All of the different specific body language, voice tone, and gestures that I recommend in my programs have a single goal in mind: To help you be 100% CONGRUENT when you are communicating with women.
The more congruent you are, and the more you use the techniques that I'm teaching, the better your responses from women will become.
Y'know, my mom actually wanted to comment on your program. She's been teaching me and my brothers about what women REALLY want from men ever since I was very small. She's been teaching us pretty much the same material that you cover in your book and advanced series (which I recently picked up by the way, I fell so much in love with the book I just couldn't resist, it's been GREAT!), and she just wanted me to tell you that you hit it right on the head! Her saying has always been pretty much: "Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either." I have tried other dating success trainings, and this one is by far my favorite. There's... one... that I tried before yours. Theirs isn't NEARLY as good as yours, because the techniques they teach are way to unnatural, too analytical, doesn't let you be yourself at all, and doesn't work for everyone in every situation. Your service is the best I've seen so far, because IT ALLOWS YOU TO BE YOURSELF, while HONESTLY sparking ATTRACTION in a female, nd automatically DOES NOT work on a woman with a stick up her ass! I can tell you put a lot of work into this, you've defiantly touched many lives. Not just for men, but women too. Thanks David.
C.D. from Texas
Dude, even your MOM endorses my stuff.
This is out of control.
You know, actually... you suck.
I wish that MY MOM would have taught me this stuff, instead of teaching me wisdom such as "You need to buy women more things" and "A man should always pay for things", etc.
And any mom who would teach her son:
"Women don't want a hard-ass, but women also don't want a BITCH-ASS, either."
...has my respect.
And to comment on your experience with the techniques and systems that others teach on how to meet women...
My guess is that 95% of the others who have written books on this topic or developed other programs are doing it for the MONEY alone.
In other words, their main focus is the CASH, and NOT helping guys improve with women.
Now, I certainly enjoy the cash. No argument there.
But my MAIN OBJECTIVE is to have the absolute BEST system and materials that are available ANYWHERE at ANY PRICE.
I have spent a LOT of time, effort, and energy to figure out what works to attract women.
Here's the test:
Go download my online eBook, and order up one of my CD/DVD programs. You can get both to try out for free... with zero risk.
THEN, go buy another book on the topic, or whatever else you can find (make sure it comes with a 100% money-back guarantee).
My bet is that you'll return everything else before you've even finished reading it (or listening, or whatever), and that I couldn't pry my stuff out of your hands with a CROWBAR.
My stuff WORKS BETTER, and is easier to use than all the other stuff out there, period. And probably the MOST IMPORTANT benefit is something that was mentioned in this newsletter... when you learn how and why women feel ATTRACTION, and you learn how to trigger it with your communication and body language, you don't have to use a bunch of "unnatural tricks" or dishonest techniques that "feel wrong".
I'll teach you how to develop that "innate" or natural part of themselves that is already there... and give you the correct perspective and programming to get RESULTS. Try it, you'll like it.
And if you don't like it, you've lost nothing... because all of my stuff comes with a "try it before you buy it" zero risk policy.
So do this...
Go download my online eBook "Double Your Dating" right now, and you'll be reading it within a few minutes. You can download it here:
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.