Secrets of dating younger women
>>>Important Note: As I was finishing up writing this newsletter, something very interesting happened. Read all the way to the very, very end for the story<<<
Ah, younger women.
It's taken me a long time now to finally see clearly that the appeal of younger women is not just "slight".
I recently read somewhere that when men get married for the SECOND time, they marry women an AVERAGE of 10 years younger.
Something like 20% of men who marry for a second time wind up marrying a woman that is over 20 YEARS YOUNGER.
I also recall reading somewhere that women are universally attracted to men who are older than them, and that the "average" relationship contains a man that is four years older than the woman.
Remember Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall?
Or how about Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones?
I hate him, too.
In my own family there are age gaps ranging from 10 years to over 40 years.
Yea, you read that one right. Over 40 years.
I won't even go there...
Let's just say that it brings a whole new meaning to "I traded my 40 in for two 20s".
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that this pattern of older men dating and marrying younger women isn't going away anytime soon.
In fact, I personally believe that the more "socially acceptable" it becomes, the MORE it's going to happen.
For most of my adult life, I've dated women that were either my own age, or very close.
But for some reason, right about when I turned 30, I began sometimes dating women who were younger than me.
At first it was a little bit strange.
I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about with a woman who was five or ten years younger than me.
But the more it happened, the more I realized that younger women have a certain appeal that goes far beyond just the "physical beauty".
Younger women just have a different VIBE.
If you meet the right younger woman, you'll find that she can bring an amazing energy, vibe, and youthful atmosphere to your life.
After having the experience myself, talking to other guys who have shared it, and reading about it a lot, I can say that many guys have the experience of FEELING YOUNGER and MORE VITAL when dating a younger woman.
It can be a blast.
Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to date women your own age, or women who are older than you.
Not at all, in fact.
I'm just saying that if you find yourself attracted to younger women, it's perfectly OK.
And I want to devote this newsletter to the topic of how to successfully date younger women.
Keep your eye out in the near future for a newsletter titled "How to date women that are old enough to be your grandma". Somehow I don't expect that one to be quite as popular as this one... lol.
OK, let's get to it.
First I want to talk about my take on younger women in general, then I'd like to share some specific techniques and ideas for dating them...
YOUNGER WOMEN MATURE FASTER
Now, we've all heard that "Women mature faster than men", right?
Well if you could have the opportunity to listen to a group of four 20-year-old models standing in front of the bathroom mirror at an A-List club in Los Angeles or New York, I think you might change your mind...
My personal view is that SOME women mature faster than most men... and that SOME women have a SIDE of them that matures faster than most men.
All women don't mature faster than all men.
But there are those women that DO mature faster... and these younger women can be VERY interesting to hang out with.
Take a minute and imagine what it would be like to be an attractive 18-year-old young woman who has just graduated from high school and is starting her first year in college.
Let's assume that she's above average in the looks department, smart, and beginning to enjoy her new-found freedom and independence.
What would be going through your mind?
How would you be approaching the world?
Well, I think that you'd probably have begun to realize (in a big way, most likely) that you have a certain POWER over most men.
You've probably also begun to realize that there are certain types of "boyz" that hold a certain appeal... and ones that trigger a certain type of magnetic attraction in you.
(If you've had a chance to go through my Advanced Dating Techniques Program, then you understand that this ATTRACTION is being triggered by certain traits, and not just good looks.)
Now, without taking too long to explain the point, if you think about it, the traits that trigger ATTRACTION in women are MORE likely to be found in an OLDER man than a YOUNGER one.
Traits like higher status, masculinity, leadership, mystery, challenge, confidence, and composure... and many others.
It often takes men DECADES to cultivate the traits that are attractive to women...and you'll notice that when they do, they often act like they just discovered the concept of FRICTION... and they behave accordingly.
And if you were an attractive younger woman who was just "finding her wings" in life, you'd be responding to this in a way that you probably wouldn't be able to explain.
Younger women are more likely to feel ATTRACTION for a man who is older.
This principle has proven itself to me over and over... and the more I look around, the more I see it in action.
IS IT "NORMAL" TO DATE A WOMAN WHO IS YOUNGER THAN YOU?
One thing that makes this particular topic very interesting to me is that it often evokes VERY emotional responses from people.
Some people say "It's sick for an older man to date a younger woman"... some people see it as perfectly normal... and some see it as MORE normal than men dating women their own age.
Everyone has an opinion about it, one way or another.
The reason that this is important is that the younger women you'd like to date have a wide range of opinions as well.
IN other words, one 20-year-old woman might think that the idea of dating a guy who is 27 is TOTALLY GROSS, while the next one might only find herself attracted to men who are over 30.
The point I'm making here is that if you are going to date younger women, you must not let yourself be overly influenced by the opinions of others... especially the women you would like to date.
Just because one woman says "I think that any guy who asks a woman out who is more than three years younger is sick" doesn't mean that ALL women think that way.
The girl right behind her might say "I just don't have a clue why ANY woman would want to date ANY guy who's under 40... they're all immature".
If you wind up talking to a woman who isn't interested because you're "too old", just move on... and don't let it distract you.
CATEGORIES AND CATEGORIES
I've found that women usually fit into one of the following three categories when it comes to how they view this topic:
1) "It's perfectly normal" Maybe 20%)
2) "It's taboo, and very intriguing" (Maybe 20%)
3) "It's GROSS!" (Maybe 60%)
I just made these numbers up based on my personal experience and my personal observations.
Some guys I know ONLY date women who are much younger than themselves... and their experience is that MOST younger women want to date guys who are older... see for yourself.
Next, I personally think that maybe only 25% of the younger women you meet are even worth your time and attention.
75% are in the categories of not interested in older guys, not attractive physically or personality-wise, too immature, etc.
Of those that ARE worth pursuing, most fit into one of a few categories:
1) Damn smart, high standards, and on the path to bettering herself.
This young woman will often respect you and admire you for your experience in life, and look to you for approval, advice, and input.
She will probably get a thrill from being with a guy who is mature, sophisticated, and who knows how to make her feel good physically.
This woman might be the daughter of a strict and/or religious family who is now experimenting with her independence.
2) Attractive, and overly-concerned with what others think... very competitive, life revolves around boys.
If you meet a woman who is between 18 and 23, and she's a model, actress, dancer, or other "entertainer", you'll often find this personality type...
Often these girls like to PARTY.
Drama usually isn't far away.
These women often enjoy the thrill that being with an older guy brings.
They are often found on the arm of rich, playboy types... because they like the attention and material gifts and advantages.
WARNING: These women, in my experience, are more likely to be users, cheaters, and the types that turn your emotional life upside-down with all kinds of unimaginable drama.
3) The nice girl who likes you. Maybe not stunning, and maybe not a super-genius, but likes the fact that she's met a man who is a MAN... and who makes her feel good.
Most of these women have a common realization that guys their age just don't "get it".
They're tired of hearing about dumb "guy stuff", and they are fascinated by a man who is both clearly in control of himself and his environment, and very aware of how to treat a woman... how to make her feel good... how to take his time.
These women can be great fun, and they can be a real joy to be around. They often bring a fun, spontaneous energy to the relationship, and they make things a little unpredictable.
Now this isn't a complete list.
And it's not exact.
But it's pretty accurate, and if you use these categories as general guides, you'll begin to understand and have more success in your interactions with younger women.
THE SPECIFICS... WHAT, WHEN, HOW WHY, WHERE...
Here are some specific ideas for dating younger women.
REMEMBER: These are WOMEN. They're not a different species, and everything else that you've learned from me applies as well.
1) Be Cool, Dude.
When most older guys meet a younger woman that they feel attracted to, they immediately begin to act WEIRD.
They stop acting like "themselves".
Now, women don't know what you're like "normally", but they can tell INSTANTLY if you're NOT ACTING LIKE YOURSELF.
Us guys do all kinds of subtle and not-so- subtle little things when we're feeling nervous... and these things give women the HEEBIE JEEBIES!
So be cool.
Don't act like a Wussbag.
2) Treat her like a BRATTY LITTLE SISTER.
Now that you're being "cool", take it to the NEXT LEVEL...
Use one of my favorite personal techniques, and treat her like your BRATTY LITTLE SIS.
It's OK, go for it.
Say all the things you never had a chance to say when you were a freshman.
Now's your big chance!
And don't worry about it when she plays "fake mad". Just turn it up some more.
Oh, and call her on everything she does or says that's immature.
I can't go into all the reasons why this is a great idea, but it is. You keep your
power, you have all kinds of opportunities to be Cocky & Funny, and you can always keep things interesting and challenging.
Oh, and it's COMPLETELY different than the way most Wussies treat her...which is good.
3) Don't try to follow or get her to lead.
Women in general are not attracted to men who don't take the lead... and younger women are no exception.
In fact, younger women have less experience in life, so trying to get them to lead and tell you what they want you to do is just a horrible idea.
Don't do it.
You lead. You decide where you're going. You make the rules.
If you try to make her the boss, you'll run her off faster than you can say "I touch myself".
4) Don't try to take advantage of the situation.
Most attractive young women have had at LEAST one "icky older guy" that "tried something" with her.
Younger women are HYPER-ALERT when it comes to sketchy behavior.
If you try to take advantage of the situation or try to "make a move" too early, you'll most likely signal to her that you're a "perv" and that you aren't to be trusted.
Give her room.
when you walk down the street with her, bump into her and push her AWAY from you.
Tell her not to walk too close to you... tell her that other people might think something.
If you're alone with her in your living room, don't sit right next to her.
If she touches you while talking, don't touch her back... or even make fun of it and say "Keep your hands off the goods".
5) Don't intrude on or interfere with her life.
You must remember that younger women have lives of their own.
Often they're very close to their families, and they're unsure of how their families would respond if they found out that their pride and joy daughter was dating an older guy.
Remember, she just got FREE of the overbearing father... and she doesn't need a new one.
Don't call her at work, don't show up to see her unexpectedly, and don't embarrass her.
If you want to make an attractive young woman perform magic (the instant disappearing act), just interfere with her life.
She's free, so let her be free. Encourage it, even. Don't interfere.
6) Let her come to you... don't chase her.
If you want to make friends with a cat, the best tactic is to IGNORE IT.
Cats are interesting creatures.
Have you ever noticed that if you chase a cat, it will run... but if you sit and ignore it, you'll soon find yourself pushing it off of your lap?
Same goes for younger women.
Like I just mentioned, younger women have often just "escaped" from controlling parents, structured lives, and zero freedom.
If she's attracted to you, it's not because you're creating the environment that she just left... it's because you represent something different.
You'll find that if you call her all the time and chase her, she'll be harder to get a hold of, and less likely to continue to see you.
If you let her go, let her live her life, and make yourself more scarce, you'll be more likely to have her pursuing YOU.
Be the man that she's always dreamed about, and then don't chase her.
7) EXPECT her to change.
If you're dating a woman between the ages of 18 and 23, you need to remember that her life is probably going to change DRAMATICALLY over the next few years.
You need to keep an open mind, and not try to restrict or hinder her options.
You need to expect and even encourage her to grow, change, and become all she can be.
The reality is that the chances are SLIM that she's going to be with you in a few years.
In fact, the chances are slim that she's even going to be the same person in a few years.
Get over it, and be OK with it.
Challenge her to grow, achieve, and be her best... and don't accept second-class behavior from her.
But she's going to change, so expect it.
8) Be CHIVALROUS.
Most younger women have had VERY FEW men in their lives who even know what the word "Chivalry" means.
If you're one of those men, then you need to LEARN what the word means.
Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs makes a BIG impression on younger women.
When you combine a masculine, powerful presence with chivalry, you will stand out and make yourself VERY intriguing and attractive.
9) Stay totally calm in the face of drama.
Younger women often have a lot of drama happening around them, and they often act dramatic.
I could write an entire book about all the things that a young woman has going on around her that are TOTALLY UNSTABLE...
And the most influential one is the other people in her life.
If she freaks out about something, don't let it get to you.
Stay cool and calm.
Don't try to fix all her problems, and don't try to stand in for her dad.
She isn't looking for advice, so don't give it to her (unless she asks seriously, and in a non-emotional tone).
One of the things that makes you attractive as an older man is the stability that you bring.
So BRING IT.
10) Be conscious of how often you see her and speak with her.
Younger women are less in-control of their emotions... and can become attached more quickly and easily.
The "trigger" for a woman "becoming attached" is how often you see her and talk to her.
If you want to trigger the "relationship" mechanism, spend a lot of time with her.
If you DON'T want to trigger those emotions, you need to limit the time you spend with her.
As a rule of thumb, don't see her more than once a week, and don't talk to her more than once or twice a week unless you want her to start becoming very attached to you.
And I don't care what you SAY... it's the AMOUNT OF TIME you spend with her that makes this determination.
As always, the most IMPORTANT thing you must understand when dating younger women is how ATTRACTION WORKS.
If you don't understand ATTRACTION, then none of what I just taught you will make a damn bit of difference...
In fact, if you don't understand ATTRACTION, then most of the things I just taught you above will probably BACKFIRE on you.
So what's the best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you?
In fact, what's the fastest, most efficient, most complete, most EFFECTIVE way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you available in the world?
I'd say that it's my eBook, Double Your Dating.
And after spending YEARS figuring all of this stuff out, you can believe me when I say that this is the book that I wish I would have had when I first started.
If you put a young, beautiful woman in a guys house on his couch, he doesn't know the FIRST THING about how to make her feel ATTRACTION for him. He'll do things to please her, hoping that at some point she begins to get "into the mood"... and then somehow lets him know.
It will NEVER HAPPEN.
But if that guy knows the secrets of how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION... and how to smoothly take things to a physical level without triggering resistance and rejection... then he will be successful almost every time.
If you want to be that guy, then you need to get yourself a copy of my eBook.
It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds and hundreds of techniques for making women, young and not-so-young, feel ATTRACTION for you.
And if that wasn't enough, I now publish a free dating tips newsletter that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
As I sit here in Starbucks writing this newsletter on my laptop, across from me is a couple sitting at a table talking.
And guess what? He's obviously older.
He's probably in his early 30s.
She looks and sounds like she's around 19 or 20 years old.
It's obvious that this is the first time that they've met (they're wrapping up their conversation, and she just said "It was nice meeting you").
He wasn't saying much, and she was basically doing all the talking... and boy was she ever talking. About a million miles a minute...
She was leading the entire conversation, and he was trying to be a "nice guy" and let her lead things.
She was talking about what life was like before she moved away from her parents.
She was saying "My parents were overbearing" and talking about what it was like to live at home.
The guy was sitting there nervously talking to her... and fidgeting.
She was asking him questions like "What is your family like", and he was trying to give her "good answers" like "My family is nice, and my parents are sweet" etc.
It was obvious that she was trying to keep the conversation going, and he was trying his best not to "say anything stupid"... he was trying to seem like a "nice guy".
At one point when she asked him a question, he sat forward, turned his hands up in the air in a "I'm just a regular guy, nothing special here" gesture, and answered about himself.
They just got up and left.
It was PAINFULLY CLEAR to me that this guy did NOT understand what to do in this situation.
He probably met her online in a chat or on a personals website.
He was probably all excited about meeting her.
He probably offered to take her to dinner, and paid for an expensive meal... and maybe even a movie before winding up at Starbucks.
He probably has no idea whether or not she is interested in him, and he will probably go home tonight wishing he would have kissed her... and wishing he would have "made a move".
He didn't get it.
DON'T BE THAT GUY!
OK, enough of my ranting.
Go sign up for my newsletter, check out the samples of my eBook, and get yourself a copy. It's the answer:
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.