Bowhunting for boneheads!
10/16/2001
Post Home / Recreation Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Something occurred to me a few days ago while perusing the stacks at my local bookseller/ coffeehouse/freak hangout. Just around the corner from the oft-visited self-help aisle ("I have this friend....") is a tunnel of yellow-jacketed books written entirely, it appears, for Dummies. And while it's pretty obvious that I don't know much about literature, I'm bright enough to figure out that someone out there is banking a fair amount of coin from this silly idea.
Apparently, people are looking for answers, and they're willing to pay for them... as long as they come in pre-packaged, digestible volumes with a good index. Taking into consideration the facts that I possess just enough useless knowledge to be dangerous, and that I know more than my fair share of dummies, it stands to reason that I'm perfect for the job. Henceforth, I intend to turn my pseudo-expertise into a little windfall by cashing in on some of that free-flowing dummy ka-ching. I guess there's only one drawback: all those damn copyright laws. But the best thing about most laws is their corresponding loopholes. After all, the publishers of the "Dummies" books haven't gotten too bent out of shape by the preponderance of new "Idiots" books. If the Dummies can coexist with the Idiots, then there must be some room on the shelves for... wait, I've got it... Boneheads! (Ok, it's not very original, but it sounds cool with the chosen topic of this particular article. Work with me.)
At fist glance, you're probably wondering, "why bowhunting?" I'll admit, it seems like a stretch considering my devotion to action sports like mountain biking and snowboarding. But trust me when I tell you that bowhunting is much more than a bunch of Bubbas trampling around in the woods spearing critters with sharp sticks.
In any examination of truly excellent sports, you will find certain common elements, and this one is no exception. First, bowhunting is extremely challenging. The skill and preparation that go into a successful hunt are astounding. Placing yourself into position close enough to take an animal with a bow is part science, part art. And second, bowhunting is probably the most sporting, fair pursuit of game animals there is. You don't have to be an animal-rights activist to be thoroughly disgusted by some of the perversions of sport you see on Saturday morning television, where ex-NFL players use high-powered rifles to gut-shoot antelopes from half a mile away. Bowhunting requires the hunter to become part of the natural environment, and to use all of his or her senses to outthink the animal. Kinda like Bill Murray in Caddyshack... You've got to get inside his pelt and crawl around for a while!
So, without further ado, and hopefully without a bucketful of e-mails from the folks at P.E.T.A., we examine the finer points of the ancient sport of bowhunting...
Equipping yourself for the hunt
Like almost any other sport, this one ain't cheap. But if you want to do things right, you need quality equipment. It's one thing to scrimp on your food budget or to buy cheap beer, but when it comes to sports gear, a guy just can't cut corners. Lately, it seems that archery gear is available anywhere. Your local discount mart can sell you a bow package for right around a hundred clams. And they can sell you a pair of pants for six bucks; are you going to wear them out to a club? My point is, there's a certain amount of technology involved in archery equipment, not to mention the technical expertise required to get the right fit for you. Paying a little more up front can save many headaches down the road -- not to mention your life!
Even if you're not terribly gung-ho to try bowhunting right away, you should check out your nearest archery shop or specialty sporting goods retailer if you have a chance. Most of them have archery lanes inside the store, where you can try out equipment and decide whether you like shooting a bow or not. And there's no need to feel intimidated by the staff at these shops. Archery has grown in popularity among men, women and kids in the last few years, and the salespeople have learned to work with newcomers to the sport in a manner that encourages them to stick with it. If you do encounter a shop where the staff is rude, or talks over your head, I would consider walking out faster than Robert Downey Jr. leaves a rehab clinic. There are too many excellent shops out there to waste your time with some crusty old-timers who aren't interested in helping you.
The two most important pieces of your equipment are the bow (duh) and your arrows. Selecting the right bow will require many measurements and a lot of patience. Back in the good old days, bow selection used to be all about "draw weight," i.e. the amount of force, in pounds, that it takes to completely draw back the bowstring into shooting position. When I first got started in the sport, buying a bow was just a big-dick contest to see who could pull the most weight. I guess the idea was that the heavier your draw weight, the more force you could put behind an arrow.
Fortunately for all of us short, skinny dudes, someone finally figured out that the laws of physics really do apply to archery, too. Modern bows are smaller, lighter, and place more of a premium on speed than on draw weight. Using the old FORCE = MASS x ACCELERATION equation, it stands to reason that a faster bow with a lighter draw weight can pack the same wallop as a slower one with a heavy draw weight. And you won't have to eat your Wheaties just to shoot your bow. Typically, a modern bowhunter will shoot a bow in the 55-65 pound range, as opposed to the 75-pound-plus catapults that used to prevail.
The other prime consideration in bow selection is fit. Everyone has a unique measurement called a "draw length." This is the effective length between your bowstring at full draw and the "handle" of your bow, called the "riser." While this measurement seems straightforward, it's easy for a bad salesperson to screw this up, thereby putting you into a poorly fitted bow and killing your performance. Any good salesperson will measure your draw length several times, not just once.
As with most sports gear, name brands count. Make sure you're getting a recognized name when you shop for a bow. I'm partial to Hoyt bows, due in part to selection. They have a bow in the line to fit absolutely any person. There are several other reputable manufacturers available, just make sure you're not getting a second-rate product.
Arrow selection is another matter requiring a Ph.D. from M.I.T. so you don't end up S.O.L. or at least P.O.'d. Matching the arrow spine to your bow, draw length, draw weight and speed is an absolute must. Only through proper arrow selection do you get accuracy. Your shop should have an arrow selection chart from Easton or another manufacturer that will help you determine which arrow shafts will perform best for you. If your salesperson isn't using a chart, he's either the Rain Man of arrows or he's bullshitting you.
And just when you think you have everything you need to go hunting, you find out that you're not even close. You will need "broadheads," the blade-like tips that screw into your arrow shafts and do the dirty work when you shoot an animal. These come in a zillion different configurations and weights. Before you get too carried away with all the fancy options, take a look at a basic broadhead like the Thunderhead. There's nothing real sexy about them, but there is a reason that they're the number one broadhead on the market: they straight up get the job done. You'll also need a set of what they call "field points." Field points are used to practice, because you don't want to shoot your expensive broadheads into a target. Broadheads are generally only good for one shot, and they'd just stick permanently in your target anyway. Field points must be matched in weight to your broadheads, so choose carefully.
Accessorizing your bow can make the difference between a successful hunt and a miserable day in the woods. Some of the items that you must have may or may not come with your bow. Some bows are sold as packages, meaning they have most of the goodies already installed; others are stripped-down bows, with no accessories whatsoever.
A quality sight will keep you on target both in practice sessions and in the woods. Some sights even have tritium-filled "pins" that glow in dark conditions. Just don't eat them, or you will too. You'll definitely want to have a "peep" installed in your bowstring, too. This will help you see your sight pins without going cross-eyed. Personally, I think a "release" is a must-have item. A wrist-strap trigger release Velcros around your arm, then clips to your bowstring. When you draw your bow with this release, shooting is as simple as squeezing a trigger. You need a "quiver" to hold your arrows and, most importantly, you'll need a target. If you plan on having any prayer of shooting an animal with your bow, you'd better plan to shoot several hundred arrows in practice sessions. A basic Tough Bag target will work well if you're shooting out in the middle of nowhere. If you live in the 'burbs and plan to shoot in your back yard, consider a larger target with a safe backstop, or your first kill will be "neighbor's dog" or "tire of BMW."
Goodwill Hunting II -- Hunting Season
Once you've practiced shooting your gear a zillion times, it's time to go out to the woods and miss an animal or two. (And you will miss. I've seen deer do some of the damndest things... like actually jumping over a moving arrow. No shit.) In the interest of time and space, we'll stick to the most common game animal for archery hunters, the whitetail deer. However, depending on your level of bravery or stupidity, you can also have a lot of fun hunting bears, wild boar or even coyotes (yep, of the Wile E. variety) with a bow.
The first order of business is locating your prey. If you have even average powers of observation, the odds are in your favor here. Deer are creatures of habit, and they're also basically the largest animal in the woods. This means they leave plenty of identifying marks everywhere they go, especially during the "rut" season. First, look for well-worn trails in the woods, especially along hills and in the direction of water sources. Deer will use the same trail to go to and from their feeding and watering areas every day. Look carefully in the leaves and forest litter on these trails, and you'll probably find some piles of deer doodie. (I have always wanted to put that word in an article!)
If you train yourself to look carefully, there are several other signs of deer presence you should be able to spot. "Rubs" are trees that have been stripped of their bark in a particular patch, usually a couple feet off of the ground. This is caused by bucks using the tree to scrape the "velvet" off their antlers and strengthen their shoulders in preparation for the inevitable fights over does in the coming rut season. Think of rubs as the deer version of Gold's Gym.
Harder to spot but of more value to the hunter are "scrapes." During the rut season, deer will use their hooves to scrape a patch of ground away, usually under an overhanging branch. This scraping action deposits the deer's scent in the ground via the glands between its toes, in a sense marking its territory and announcing its presence. At the same time, the deer will rub its head against the overhanging branch, depositing scents from its eye glands on it. This really is funny as hell to watch, and the same deer will revisit the same series of scrapes daily during the rut. A good hunter will use this to his or her advantage.
Once you have located the deer, it's time to locate yourself. For people like me who are afraid of heights, this is the most difficult part of the hunt. See, in order to get close enough to get a shot off, you'll need to defeat the deer's senses.
First, deer are the equivalent of Mr. Magoo when it comes to eyesight. They see in black and white, and basically in two dimensions. However, they can see movement very well, and are extremely wary of changes in their environment. You will need to select a camo pattern that closely matches the terrain you are hunting, and you need to be covered head-to-toe. Even a small patch of your exposed face can be enough to send a deer scurrying.
For as poor as their eyesight is, their sense of smell more than makes up for it. I've been told that a deer can smell a human scent from over a mile away. This can work against you in the woods, but a good hunter can also use this to his or her advantage. There are two types of scents available on the market: cover scents and attractants. Proper use of both can really improve your chances for getting close to a deer.
Cover scents will "mask" your human scent. These can be as simple as a carbon spray that neutralizes odor, an artificial "woods" scent that covers odor or, if you're really hard-core, you can buy bottles of fox urine. I've never resorted to this one, but you're welcome to give it a shot!
Attractants are actually glandular scents derived from stock animals. The most powerful use of attractants can be seen during the rut season, when deer are incredibly territorial. My first experience with attractants was in upstate New York, where I placed a small amount of "dominant buck" scent in a scrape that I knew had been frequented by a large buck. As I was climbing into position to hunt, the resident buck ran down the hill, and he was pissed. I guess I was lucky to be in a tree, because he would have mauled me, and I could have scored a spot on When Animals Attack 9.
Just a word of caution: use scents sparingly. Deer are smarter than they look, and too much of any type of scent will keep them away.
And this leads us to the part of the hunt I hate: the treestand. The last piece of the puzzle when it comes to defeating the deer's senses involves getting above them. Deer have no natural predators from above, and therefore they generally don't look up much. Hunting from a treestand is really the only way to go when archery hunting. Just remember, more people are injured in falls from treestands than from car accidents. (Ok, I'm making that one up, but they are really dangerous!) Make sure your stand is securely attached to a strong tree, and try to avoid those with smooth or wet bark. This can score you what my buddy Johnny calls the "express elevator to the basement."
The defining moment
There's one element of bowhunting that makes it so special, and that is the relationship between the deer and the hunter. There's something absolutely amazing that happens when a huge deer walks into your shooting lane. Your heart races, and your palms sweat. The deer senses your presence, but he doesn't know exactly where you are or what you are. You stand on wobbling legs and draw back your bow. The deer stamps and snorts, trying to get you to move. You take aim, barely able to hold your sights steady on the deer. And then, when the moment is perfect, you squeeze your release and wait for the telltale "thwack" sound that your arrow will make on impact.
And then the son of a bitch jumps over the damn arrow, runs away, and you haul your sorry ass home to write about it. But sometimes the hunt has nothing at all to do with shooting anything!
For more information on bowhunting and the equipment involved, check out these websites:
http://www.archeryinfonet.com/
As always, please send your questions, comments, or animal-rights propaganda to:
TheGearDude@hotmail.com