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I'm back baby!
by: Shawn Griffin from SportsTerminal.com
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Yes, it’s me again and I actually have another column – this makes two within a week. Hopefully I am back to my prolific self. After hearing from some of you about my lack of columns recently (especially my friend Gerardo from Bullzeye.com, who sent me a profanity-laced e-mail), I feel somewhat compelled to explain my absence from the arena and tell you what I’ve been doing.
I’ve spent the last few months in San Francisco, Oregon, Moscow, Baghdad, and Moville, Iowa trying to get a sense of what the true sports fans want in a website. What did I find? The typical sports fan wants the major sports covered, a good scoreboard, and gambling. So we decided to totally redesign
SportsTerminal. Was I responsible for this? Of course not. Thanks to Mike, Ryan, Chris, Antonio, and Paul, the site is vastly improved. Do you want to know what I like best about it? You won’t be forced to peruse crap you could care less about, such as (in my case) the WNBA, women’s college basketball, soccer, and men’s figure skating.
You’ll also notice that Sportsterminal now has a radio network. If you haven’t listened to these guys, you have to. Each day from 9AM ET to 3PM ET, we provide you with sports talk that focuses on gaming – America’s favorite pastime. I know what some of you are thinking – “Great, six hours of
'gambling' shows with jackasses yelling into the microphone, telling you to call their special number to get that guaranteed pick..” – but it’s not like that at all. Our hosts are professional, intelligent, and experienced radio sports talk guys who know what they’re talking about and give you entertaining sports news and views. I should know since I hired them and the last thing I wanted to do was have a network with loud-mouthed morons. Check them out and send me an e-mail with your thoughts, good or bad (by the way, check out their show pages on the new site - ever hear of the phrase, “a face made for radio”?!?!).
Now, on to my column. As I was looking out my office window, pondering who would win a sumo-wrestling match between Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman, I figured it was about time I devoted a column to some of the questions and observations that run through my inconsistently-sane head each day. As always, I welcome your e-mails with your own questions and observations. I don’t hold any patent on this stuff, you know.
Let’s get started…
-Can somebody please tell me why the second largest market in the United States, Los Angeles, still doesn’t have an NFL franchise? By ACCIDENT they would have a larger fan base than most NFL cities. And please, the city of Miami has as much to do (rather than watch football) as L.A., so that excuse isn’t going to work.
-Why is Bud Selig still screwing around with Pete Rose and the Baseball Hall of Fame? Is there anybody with comparable power who handles decisions worse than Bud? He would find a way to screw up a threesome with Christina Aguilera and Brittney Spears.
-Why do so many gutless sportswriters demand that Hootie Johnson give up Augusta National’s right to privacy and succumb to the hardball tactics of Martha Burk while at the same time honoring Toni Smith for turning her back on the American flag and defending her right to free speech? You can’t have it both ways and get away with it unless you’re a stripper or a porn star.
-Why did the odds for the Detroit Lions to win next year’s Super Bowl go from 300-1 to 60-1 when Steve Mariucci was named head coach? Did he ever WIN a Super Bowl, let alone MAKE one?
-Speaking of the Lions, I ask for the second year in a row – why does Matt Millen still have a job? Last season, he signed undersized WR Az-Zahir Hakim to a ridiculous contract and this year it’s undersized CB Dre Bly. Not only does this screw up the Lions, but it screws up the market.
-Is it just me or is hockey one of the worst sports to watch on TV, but one of the best to watch live, in-person?
-No matter how hard I try, I cannot get into the Arena Football League. I have some suggestions for the league to attract guys like myself. Number one- hire Adam Corrolla to be your main color guy on the broadcasts and let him drink during the game. Two – Encourage streaking. Three – put leather helmets and smaller shoulder pads on the players and let’s see if today’s athletes are as tough as the old-timers. Four – Refs are fair game. If they make a bad call, and it’s verified by replay, give them a 10-yard head start and make them run the length of the field. If a player gets to them before the ref gets to the other end zone, he can be pummeled for 30 seconds.
-Jimmy Carter criticizing a sitting President for his foreign policy is kind of like a drug addict criticizing an alcoholic for drinking a beer.
-Is there a more annoying assistant coaching staff in all of sports than Duke’s trio of Chris Collins, Steve Wojciechiowski, and Johnny Dawkins? I only wish UNC Coach Matt Doherty had gone Kermit Washington upside Chris Collins’ head last weekend…
-Could somebody tell me when Bill Maher officially replaced Dennis Miller as the arrogant Hollywood “B”type star who isn’t an actor and desperately wants to be known as an intellectual figure but can’t quite cut it and comes across as a snide little dick instead? When did this happen?
-I read this headline on CBS Sportsline the other day – “Stung Sehorn unsure why he was cut”…it reminded me of the following headline I saw in the USA Today - “Watching TV and eating too much fast food leads to obesity..” Let me tell you why you were cut, Jason. You aren’t fast anymore. You can’t cover anymore. You can’t return kicks anymore. Your cap figure is crippling…should I keep going?
-If either Kentucky or Arizona don’t win the NCAA Championship, I will be as surprised as Larry King’s penis was the first time the little fella met Shauna Southwick.
-If the “Girls Gone Wild” Sports Edition is ever made, I would like it to include the following female athletes: Anna, Martina Hingis, Jennie Finch, Sasha Cohen (I checked, it’s legal), Dara Torres, and Natalie Gulbis. Please make this happen, Joe.
-When did baseball start losing my interest? Even though the season is only weeks away, I am about as excited and anxious as Tom Arnold was on his wedding night with Roseanne.
That’s enough for now. It’s nice to be back. Keep on truckin’. (I know, that’s a cheap Old School, Will Farrell rip-off, but you have to admit it’s good stuff.)
See more of Shawn at SportsTerminal.com,
and e-mail him at shawng@sportsterminal.com!
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