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Random observations: week three of the NFL season
by: Shawn Griffin from SportsTerminal.com
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If I would have told you before the season started that Kelly Holcomb, backup QB of the Cleveland Browns, would throw for more TD passes in two games than Kurt Warner would throw for in his first
three games, you would have laughed your ass off and called me a Tyson, right? Well, it's true. Strange game sometimes, isn't it?
I guarantee this is the only NFL football player you can say this about: Jeff Garcia, when speaking, sounds like a male figure skater.
I don't care what you say -- the Carolina Panthers are not very good. They will finish the season with a record below .500.
Is it just me or does Mike Tice look as though he's in way over his head as a HEAD Coach?
The following e-mail (unedited) came to me from Tony, who apparently took exception to the fact that I am sick of Pretty Boy Brady:
"Your not a patriot fan are you. Oh yeah thats right the jets are great. Pull your head out of your a#s you
putz."
I noticed that whenever I say anything at all negative about the Patriots, I am branded a New York Jets fan. Let's set the record straight -- I am not a New York Jets fan, Tony. In fact, I think the Jets suck. Which brings me to my next topic….
Teams that were supposed to be decent that suck so far:
1. Rams
2. Jets
3. Vikings
4. Ravens
5. Seahawks
For some reason, the following coaches annoy the crap out of me:
1. Jeff Fisher of the Titans. First of all, what's with the half-ass mullet and mustache? He looks like he should be the doorman at a 1979 gay bar, not an NFL head coach. Secondly, and more importantly, he jumps up and down after every stinkin' call the officials make, constantly yapping in the ears of the officials. Plus, he runs out halfway to midfield during a call (how come those idiots don't flag him 15 yards for that?).
2. Tom Coughlin of the Jaguars. This guy is the biggest crybaby in the NFL. Any call against his team brings this incredulous look on his face. Makes me feel like throwing a plastic bottle at him. (Just kidding.)
3. Jon Gruden of the Buccaneers. I used to like this guy, but now he's just become a caricature of himself. The cameras are glued on him all game, and that pissy look on his face got old about three years ago. Yes, he's Chuckie, he's intense, blah, blah, blah -- just coach your stupid football team and keep the faces to yourself.
4. Bill Cowher of the Steelers. Here's another guy with a "face." He's the type of guy you love when he's on your side but despise when he's against you. If he sticks his mug out any farther when he's mad during a game, his eyes will pop out. Another reason I don't like him is because I received the following e-mail last week from
Jeff:
"That's a pretty bold statement to make about Cowher. It is easy for you to say from behind your keyboard, what do you have to offer if it doesn't happen, how about your job?"
What Jeff is referring to is when I wrote last week that Cowher will pull a Woody Hayes and belt an opposing player at some point in his coaching career. For some reason, Jeff took exception to this comment. So I decided to put Cowher down on my list of annoying coaches, just to piss Jeff off again.
5. Dave Campo of the Cowboys. If any of you watched "Hard Knocks" this past August on HBO, I think you'll know what I am talking about. Whenever he was with Jerry Jones, this guy reminded me of the guy in your office who kisses the boss's ass and says absolutely anything he thinks your boss wants to hear. Campo is not just a Brown Nose. He's a Brown Head. Just a complete kiss-ass who wouldn't stand up to Jerry if his life depended on it. And you don't think the players notice this and don't respect Campo? I am telling you, I would love it if Jerry fires Campo and takes over as head coach this season. I'll have something to write about hourly if that happens.
Players of the Week:
1. Tim Couch -- He shut the nimrods up who said Kelly Holcomb should be starting in front of him.
2. Tom Brady and Troy Brown -- To show how fair I am I have to credit Pretty Boy for his 400-plus-yard and four-TD day against the Chiefs and Brown for having what would be a good season for some WRs in just one game.
3. Ricky Williams - 174 total yards and a score for him last week.
Just hang it up already!
Emmitt Smith is limping and walking (with a walker) toward the all-time rushing record. As far as I'm concerned, Sweetness will always be the rushing Champ, not Emmitt.
Darrell Green and Bruce Smith. They aren't horrible, but neither of them are half the players they were even two years ago.
Now we know why everybody passed Randy Moss over like Fredo Corleone in the 1999 NFL draft….
It has to be totally infuriating to be a Bengals fan. Mike Brown is a total disgrace to the league. It's not fair to the fans of this team that he stubbornly holds onto the Bengals rather than selling them to somebody with some dough who will put cash into things like scouting, which is just a tad important if you want to field a competitive team.
Fantasy Killer of the Week:
Dan Reeves of the Falcons. In the third quarter of Atlanta's 30-3 pasting of the Bungles last Sunday night, he gives the ball to T.J. Duckett on one drive five times for 31 tough yards. Then, when at the Bengals four-yard-line, he brings in Warrick Dunn and gives him the ball and the TD. Thanks, Dan!
It kills me how all of the media critics point out the continuing decline of Monday Night Football and attribute this to things like the announcers or fake wrestling. First of all, when was the last time you said to yourself or one of your friends, "Gee, Beasley Reece is announcing the Raiders game this weekend -- I can't wait to hear his analysis!" Who is announcing the game really doesn't matter. What
does matter is the competitiveness of the game. None of the Monday night games this season have been decided by fewer than 12 points. I found myself changing the channel at halftime of last Monday's debacle and turning on the Sopranos, even though it was a repeat. Why? Because the game bored me. Look at some of the stinkers coming up in the next few weeks: the Broncos at the Ravens…the 'Niners at Seattle…yet another reason why they shouldn't set the Monday Night Football schedule before the season starts. That all being said, MNF STILL WINS THE RATINGS GAME EVERY WEEK!
I thought Marvin Lewis was a defensive genius? Sure, just like Brian Billick is an offensive genius. And don't tell me the Skins have no talent on that defense.
The Rams are 0-3 and the Steelers are 0-2, yet I would much prefer to watch a game between those teams than a game between the undefeated Panthers and Chargers.
For the second-straight week, I again ask, "When is the NFL going to hire full-time officials?" There are way too many flags thrown in an NFL game. Just let 'em play, you morons!
I bet Hillary Clinton has sex with Bill Clinton before Keyshawn Johnson gets into the end zone again. Why don't they just level with the American public and tell us that she prefers women and he prefers other women? Speaking of that, if you were the most powerful person in the world, couldn't you do better than Monica or Paula? That, more than anything, calls into question the clown's judgment.
The most boring teams to watch:
1. Giants
2. Bengals
3. Chargers
4. Cardinals
5. Texans
The most exciting teams to watch:
1. Chiefs
2. Browns
3. Patriots
4. Bears
5. Bills
If the Chiefs even had a mediocre defense, they would be one of the best teams in the league.
That's it for week three.
As usual, send me your comments. If you're lucky, I may mention them next week….
See more of Shawn at SportsTerminal.com,
and e-mail him at shawng@sportsterminal.com!
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