I get a lot of feedback from the columns I write. Some of it's positive, some of it's negative, some of it is downright mean, some of it is very nice, some of it...well, you get the picture.
Since it's a slow time in the sports arena, I've decided to share some of the more interesting e-mails with you people. I am going to preach to you for a second before we begin…. Some of you out there take sports WAY too seriously. I do too, sometimes. Always keep in mind that sports are here to entertain us. I am here to give you my analysis of sports...AND to entertain you in a way. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. This is supposed to be fun and make you happy. If it doesn't, don't read it. Just kick back and relax a little bit. Grab a cold one, visit your local seedy low-rent health spa, get a full body message, then return to your sports. Okay, I'm done preaching. Let's get on with the e-mails.
Here we go. Don't forget, this is entertainment, that's all….
One of the best e-mails of all time came from a Cleveland sports fan living in Columbus, Ohio named J.T. Being a Cleveland sports fan myself, I laughed out loud while I read it because I totally can relate to it. For those fans out there who have experienced as much heartbreak as us, you'll understand.
He wrote --
*"I've been lamenting the curse of being a Cleveland fan from this angle: Only in Cleveland would we get a cheapskate owner (Dolan) in a league with no salary cap and little revenue sharing (MLB) and then get a classy, deep-pocketed owner (Al Lerner) in a league (NFL) handcuffed with a salary cap and revenue sharing. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Knowing Cleveland, Lerner will soon kick the bucket, the Browns will be bought by some loser, the stadium name will be sold to Little Tykes, and the team will drop into the cellar, where they'll keep Cincinnati company for the next decade.
I can't f#!%ing wait."
I can't read that without practically falling out of my chair. Brilliant e-mail, JT. I don't want to hear any complaints from Boston, Chicago, or any other city in America. Cleveland fans have suffered more than any fans in this country. You cannot argue with me on this. In fact, I am going to write an entire column about this someday. Or a book. Yes, a book. It will be called, "Cleveland -- Heartbreak City" (I know it's not original, but who cares) with a photo of the freakin' Florida Marlins celebrating their Game seven, EXTRA inning win over the Tribe in the 1997 World Series on the cover…. I still can't get over that. Whenever ESPN Classic shows it, I turn the channel. It still hurts. Please hold me.
Let's get back to happy stuff...I received many e-mails on my anti-Nolan Richardson column from last week.
This was the response from Bro J (I am not making that up) as he discussed my rant:
*"I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT COACH RICHARDSON WAS FIRED FOR TELLING THE TRUTH. A BLACK MAN IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK HIS MIND."
If that's true, "Bro-J," could you do me a favor and make sure Jesse Jackson gets that memo? I don't think he's been made aware of it. Thanks, bro.
R.R. from Boca Raton wrote --
*"It is disappointing to see you willing to be so harsh, irrational, and judgmental in print, while apparently oblivious to how little knowledge you are working with. When I was a rookie sports writer, I was similarly rash."
Those were probably the most arrogant, patronizing two sentences ever written in an e-mail. This guy had a fancy title next to his name. From the name of the company he is affiliated with, it doesn't look like he is still in the sports-writing business. Well, R.R., looks like your rookie season didn't go too well, did it? Do I sense some latent jealousy and bitterness, my man?
Nathan wrote --
*"Nothing in life is free. Coach Richardson, his staff and players, earned everything they received from the U of A. What is free are the cheap and ignorant reports that are broadcasted across the media by the likes of you and every other opportunist. I just heard Digger Phelps admit on national radio, that every journalist that brings up the graduation rate is the real hypocrite.
Maybe he (Richardson) did the whole country a favor by not exposing the NCAA for what it is, a modern day slave master of every aspiring college athlete.
Discretion prevents me from telling my assessment of your article. What a shame...shame on you."
First of all, I don't mind if you disagree with me. All I ask is that you make a relevant or logical point. I simply don't get the Digger Phelps "admission." Now, it sounds to me like Nathan was a hotshot recruit who didn't have the grades to make it into a major national college program, so he went to a junior college, then transferred to a big school, received a scholarship, didn't go to class, was kicked off the team, and now the poor slob is cleaning toilets at the local elementary school. For this reason, he's extremely pissed. "Shame on me"? I didn't prevent you from going to class, Nathan. Now get back to work!
I received many responses to the Olympic event column I wrote in February.
Bill in Omaha wrote --
*"I would also like to say just a small piece about your article on the Olympics and the extra events they have. I hated watching the Olympics this year just for that reason. Just like you said "what next?" I thought that just getting to the Olympics was supposed to be a feat all in itself. Anymore, you can create your own sport. Keep the articles coming. Just knowing there are others out there who feel the same way is very encouraging."
Thanks, Bill. They will keep coming as long as you and some others out there keep reading and supporting the sponsors. A couple bucks my way won't hurt, either…okay, on to your point about the Olympics. I agree, there are way too many sports. My brother and I were talking the other day and he suggested horseshoes and lawn darts immediately be made medal events in the Summer Games. Curling? Are you serious?
Rob from Texas wrote --
*"Shawn - did you see the Russian men's figure skater cry after he won the Gold Medal? What a sorry display!"
Rob, I couldn't agree with you more. While watching the men's figure skating, and then the ladies, I think we can officially say that women figure skaters are more masculine than male skaters. I mean, did you see those "guys"? They pranced around like characters in Moulin Rouge…. It looked like they raided Liberace's wardrobe with the outfits they wore...and when they spoke...even the foreign guys sounded like Richard Simmons with an accent…. I have said it before and I will say it again -- there is nothing funnier in this world than watching Rudy Galindo perform. I swear I can see the flames -- I am not kidding. The men's figure skating event at the Salt Lake Games was a sorry display of manliness. I was thoroughly embarrassed for my fellow men.
This one came from Todd in Wisconsin --
*"…you should also suggest nude ice carving (girls only), topless ice dancing, raunchy pair figure skating (see how many Kama Sutra positions you can imitate), and face to face two woman
luge...."
Sounds like Todd hasn't been too successful with the ladies lately. Keep trying, buddy….
This one came from Sean G. in Minnesota. He wasn't too happy with my criticism of snow boarding as an Olympic event:
*"I am a 36 year old conservative Christian involved in church ministry. I was an activist within the Republican Party of Minnesota for years before i helped plant a gen-x church called La Luz. Even so, I'd like to see u try the half-pipe. What those peepz do is simply amazing. Hoping u pull ur head outta ur butt, snowboarding
rulez!"
First of all, let me say I am very proud of you, Sean. (I bet this guy looked at his e-mail about 125 times before he sent it. What's with "i" and "peepz" and "u" and "ur"?).... What exactly is a "gen-X" church? Sounds to me like some type of cult. And another thing, dude, you are 36 years old. I don't think you are a member of "Gen-X" anymore…"snowboarding Rulez"? Sorry, buddy, don't mean to be a jerk, but "ur" a geek.
The rest of the e-mails below were general observations and questions pertaining to various columns I have written lately.
Rosie in San Diego had this question --
*"I noticed that you often refer to the Godfather as your favorite movie. My question is -- which character in the Godfather saga (1, 2, or 3) would have made the best football player and which one would have made the best football coach?"
Unbelievable question, Rosie. You hit on two of my most favorite things in life -- the Godfather and football. I may make this an entire column for a later date. This is easy. Luco Brasi would have made a great middle linebacker had he not been so rudely choked to death by Sollozzo's minion. Could you imagine running up the middle on a 32 Chuck and seeing Luco there waiting for you? Ouch. He would have made Dick Butkus look like a male figure skater out there…. As far as coach, Sonny Corleone would have been an excellent football coach. He had just the right amount of fire, attitude and craziness that all good football coaches possess.
Tom from Arkansas asked --
*"What was the worst part about the movie "Summer Catch"?
This is a tough one. It's like asking me, "If you were invited to the Playboy mansion, which girl would you want first?" Thinking this through, I would have to say that the most annoying thing about the movie "Summer Catch" was the little girl who appears throughout the movie trying to be a Chatham A's mascot. I still don't know why she was even in the movie -- she HAD to have been a relative of one of the producers OR her parents blackmailed the casting director. That was probably the worst movie ever made. I kept asking myself, "Do the actors and directors and anybody else involved in this monstrosity actually think it's good?" I am not exaggerating. It was the worst movie ever made. Everyone involved in that movie deserves to be blacklisted in Hollywood. Everybody!
Mike from Pittsburgh asked me a question dealing with the greatest football player ever. This was probably the only serious question, so I feel the need to share it with everyone. At least somebody out there recognizes that I do possess some intelligent sports knowledge…. "I'm smaaart! Not dumb! Like everybody says!" (I probably use Fredo's quote at least once a week.)
He wrote --
*"Who do you think is the greatest football player ever?"
I can only go on the players that I have actually witnessed, and I would have to say Walter Payton. Not only was he a great rusher, but he also blocked, caught passes, threw the ball...plus he worked harder in the offseason than anybody else. He was a class act. I loved that guy. I actually was one of the three people who bought a pair of Kangaroos tennis shoes when I was a kid because of Sweetness….
This one was strange. Chris in Louisiana wrote --
*"Shawn, did you know that Mississipi Senator Trent Lott was a male cheerleader while he was in college? Why don't you write about that?"
In all honesty, I don't think many people would be interested in reading an entire column discussing Trent Lott's collegiate cheerleading days, Chris. Let me go on record as saying, though, that I always thought there was something funny about that guy….
Michelle from Cleveland wrote --
*"I can't believe that you like the Cleveland Indians' racist mascot, Chief Wahoo. You are such an asshole. My boyfriend, who is part Cherokee, will kick your ass when I show this to him."
First of all, Michelle, I bet you are a cross between Sandra Bearnhard, Madonna and Oprah...ugly, loose and fat. It's been two weeks since you sent me this e-mail and I still haven't heard from your "part-Cherokee" boyfriend. Maybe he finally succeeded in passing his GED exam but can't afford the Greyhound bus ticket to Chicago to "kick my ass"...but I am here, baby doll. Bring it on. Did I say Chicago? I meant to say Dallas. Yes, I am in Dallas, sugar.
Dirk T. from Phoenix wrote --
*"Mr. Griffin - I have been reading your columns for a year now and have yet to see you write anything but disparaging remarks about the WNBA. Are you ever going to give the league any credit?"
Will I ever give the WNBA any credit? No.
Most of you agreed with my comments about golfer Colin "Mrs. Doubtfire" Montgomerie, but Paul R. from Miami, Florida didn't --
*"I don't see why you have to be so rude to Colin Montgomerie -- he does take way too much abuse from the American fans. I usually agree with everything you write, but on this one I take the fifth."
Paul, could you explain to me why you are "taking the fifth"? It's called "pleading the Fifth" and you do it when you don't want to incriminate yourself. Is there a rule that says when somebody makes such a ridiculous comment that you don't have to respond? Are there e-mail etiquette rules? This e-mail reminded me of the stupid cliché column I wrote last year -- it seems like a majority of athletes know a few clichés and use them, sometimes mixing them up, at totally inappropriate times while being interviewed. It's like when they ask Allen Iverson about a tough loss, and he responds, "We just have to start crossing the I's and dotting the T's or this season will go down on thin ice...".
Jim D. San Antonio, Texas wrote --
*"I loved the column on the "Real Sports World." Do you think ESPN or Fox would ever do anything like that? I think it would make for a great series and the ratings would be sky high."
I totally agree, Jim. It really isn't too far-fetched for FOX, considering they had a food-eating contest on a couple weeks ago and they are planning on having a boxing match between Tonya Harding and Paula Jones. Speaking of Paula Jones, am I the only one out here who faults Bill Clinton less for all the women he banged, or attempted to bang, and more for the QUALITY of the women? Paula Jones is downright nasty. Monica Lewinsky? Are you serious? Kathleen Willey? You would think that the leader of the free world could do just a tad better than that. It all comes down to judgment. Clinton had none. What a bum. I still hate that guy. Always have, always will.
Well, there you have it, folks. Keep those e-mails coming. Someday you might be lucky enough to make it into one of these columns....
See more of Shawn's columns at SportsTerminal.com,
and feel free to e-mail him at shawng@sportsterminal.com!
|
