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NBA "Entertainment" is back by: Shawn Griffin from SportsTerminal.com	Pg 1 of 1

Well, ladies and gentleman, it's back. The NBA -- where clichés are used about as often as illegitimate kids are born to the players who make up the league -- is in full swing. As soon as rookies are drafted, it's as though some type of chip is implanted into their brains to make them use the most truistic comments possible when discussing anything involving the game of basketball with the press. Listening to an NBA player discuss the game they just played in is about as predictable as Bill Clinton hitting on the next fat chick he encounters. Postgame comments by NBA players are about as surprising as hearing that another cast member of "Different Strokes" is either dead or in legal trouble. Opening night in the NBA began a new season of the same old clichés. For those of us who get a laugh out of these, the first night of the season did not disappoint. Since I don't have the time to write a book just yet (although any interested publishers are welcome to contact me about this), I picked out some of the best for your reading pleasure…. The Nets beat the Pacers 103-97 The Cliché New Nets point guard Jason Kidd said, "The game isn't over till it's over. This team showed a lot of character for early in the season." What he meant to say "This sucks. Only now is it dawning on me that I don't play in Phoenix anymore. We just beat the Pacers, yet it doesn't mean anything to me because the weather is already colder here now in Jersey than the coldest January day in Phoenix. This 'character' crap better last or I am going to be one ticked off dude if this team reverts back to its usual mediocre self and I have to freeze my ass off walking to my Escalade after another loss…." The Wizards lost to the Knicks 93-91 The Cliché The Wizards' Michael Jordan said, "I feel good about myself and about what the team did tonight, and we have to continue to work in the right direction." What he meant to say "I can't believe that I am on this terrible team. A guy name Jahidi White is our center, for crying out loud. Three years ago, I retired on top of the world, after hitting the winning shot in the NBA Title game...now I am on the road teaching Kwame Brown how to pick up groupies. Hey Barkley, I am going to kill you for talking me into coming back! Does anybody know if the Celtics covered tonight?" The Clippers lost to the Spurs, 109-98 The Cliché Clipper Elton Brand said, "We didn't win, but I feel we played well, and we can take some positives from this game." What he meant to say "I still can't believe that Jerry Krause traded me to the Clippers. What was the fat man thinking? I am going to give this team 20 points and 10 rebounds a night. How come I am only 22 years old but I feel like the old man on this team? The only positive that came from this game is that I scored 27 points tonight…I have to keep that average up for my next contract." The Bucks beat the Jazz, 119-112 The Cliché Utah's John Starks, who wasn't in the starting lineup, said "Starting, coming off the bench, doesn't make a difference. It's just what you do with your time and your minutes when you're out there." What he meant to say "Are you serious? Jerry Sloan started a guy by the name of Quincy Lewis over me? Is this guy a stinkin' moron? He better be careful or I may go Latrell Sprewell on him in practice...I may go back to bagging groceries if I'm not in the starting lineup by the weekend." The Cavs were destroyed by the Celtics, 108-89 The Cliché Cavs coach John Lucas said, "We laid a big egg tonight. That was a thorough whipping we got." What he meant to say "I haven't seen this many stiffs since I last visited that Thai whorehouse. Wes Person, Chris Mihm, Lamond Murray...these guys wouldn't make it in the CBA…. It's games like this that drove me to smoke crack, shoot heroin, and consume enough alcohol to kill an adolescent bull…but I am a great story, aren't I?" The Sixers lost to the Timberwolves 83-74 The Cliché New 76er Derrick Coleman said, "Even though we were down, we still continued to fight." What he meant to say "I hope they buy this crap because I am running out of chances to hoodwink these stupid NBA owners into paying me millions of dollars. I am the poster boy for under-achievers everywhere. I make Homer Simpson look like an ambitious brain surgeon. Nobody has done so much with so little. The last time this much talent was wasted was when Carmen Electra dated that walking venereal disease, Dennis Rodman." The Houston Rockets beat Atlanta, 89-84 The Cliché Steve Francis of the Rockets said, "I'm glad we got this one out of our way. The only thing we can do from here is go up." What he meant to say "I really don't know what to say so I am going to try this one. Wait a second, though...I mean, we just won, so what exactly am I trying to say? How do you go UP from winning? I mean, what else is there? If we lose, what am I going to say then? Darn it, I used the right cliché in the wrong context! I hate when I do that!" The Cliché Shareef Abdur-Rahim of the Hawks, after the same game, came up with this gem. He actually made the following comment -- "We had an opportunity to win it. It was a hard-fought game. There were plays to make and we didn't execute them. I have to be strong with the ball and I have to do better. There are no excuses." What he meant to say "I can't believe I just used seven, that's right, SEVEN! clichés in the span of about seven seconds. My agent is going to love me for this one. I wonder if this is some sort of world record? I can't believe these sportswriters fall for this stuff…. After the next game, I am going to try for eight. By the way, I am the only player on the Hawks worth a damn." I'm sure we'll revisit this subject often during the NBA season, which is now almost year round. See more of Shawn's columns at SportsTerminal.com!

Other Columns By Shawn Griffin

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