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Griff's Grumblings by: Shawn Griffin from SportsTerminal.com	Pg 1 of 1

Well, I know I told all of you a couple weeks ago that Griff's Grumblings would be a weekly addition to Sportsterminal.com. That was until the tragedy of September 11. But after a couple weeks of mourning and prayer for all the victims of this horrible atrocity, I think most people agree that it's time to get back to business. Here's this week's edition of Griff's Grumblings… Listen up. I figured out a good way to punish Osama Bin laden…Note to U.S. Special Forces: don't kill him when you find him in his cave eating shish tawook and hummus with his dirty fingers...Take him to the Serengeti National Park in Tanzania, grab the Discovery Channel film crew…dump him off in the middle of the plains...and let us enjoy as he is eaten alive by a pack of wild hyenas...then show it on the Discovery Channel on September 11th of every year as a reminder to all others that you simply don't screw with this country.… Is it just me or did the dislike you used to have for the sports teams from New York leave you forever, too?... Why do I always get behind the slow person in lines at convenience stores? I ALWAYS get stuck behind the degenerate who buys those stupid little scratch off lottery tickets -- I mean, they actually pick and choose which one of the tickets they want -- meanwhile, I am standing there with the exact change for my large cherry Slurpee and The National Enquirer...I mean Newsweek...and then, when I finally do complete my purchase, I go out to my car, only to witness the poor slob in his light green Chevy Nova, diligently scratching off the tickets, waiting for one of the big two dollar winners.… I, for one, am not happy to see the old refs back...it was nice to watch a game without the BB-filled yellow bags being thrown about after every play.... It's been a year and Dennis Miller still sucks on Monday Night Football.... Bill Maher -- another addition to my list of mediocre morons who slip through the talent strainer and make it big…. What's the deal with the Sopranos? Do they skip two years before each season or what?… No matter how good Brett Favre is, he's always good for one or two stupid interceptions per game…. Quick -- what's the best name for a funny dumb guy in a comedy? In my opinion, it's "Stiffler"…. Okay, let me get this straight -- I cannot bet on sports in the U.S., unless I am in Nevada, but I can bet on the Internet if the place I am betting with is located in some third-world country? If I do partake in some Internet gambling someday (not that I have ever done this or plan on doing this, of course) should I expect to be ambushed while going out to my car by the local network's "investigative reporter"?… I can see Denver coach Mike Shanahan right now, at night, as he lays in bed, laughing in delight at the torture he puts fantasy football owners through -- is it going to be Davis, Gary, or Anderson?... How come every time I see Don Zimmer, I think of corn cob pipes and spinach?… Managers who need to get their resumes in order -- Tony Muser, Phil Garner, Buddy Bell, and Bob Boone... Ben Stiller is starring in the new movie "Zoolander"...Hey Ben, we already saw this movie -- but Mike Myers was in it and it was called "Austin Powers".... Hey Schottenheimer and Vermeil -- do us all a favor and stop acting like washed up pro boxers -- your time in the NFL is over...move to Florida, play with the grandkids, buy a bright red Buick, and leave the coaching ranks to guys like Jon Gruden…. While watching Skinemax late last night, I think I found actors who are actually worse than porno actors...you know who I am talking about -- think Shannon Tweed…. Freddie Prinze, Jr. has an acting range similar to what Rich Garces' (El Guapo) range would be if he played shortstop…. Is there anything more annoying in this world than the callers to the Jim Rome show?... Hey Tara Reid (the blonde from American Pie), stop teasing us and go ahead with the Playboy pictorial that you know you are destined for...And yes, I am obsessed with everything about the American Pie movies…. I never thought I would say this, but I am sick of seeing Pamela Anderson nude…. I can't stand rap music...ESPECIALLY white guys who rap...speaking of that, hey Eminem...the clock is ticking, you are at 14 minutes and 55 seconds…. I can already see it now...Eagles' coach Andy Reid will lose 50 pounds, tell the world about it on CNN/SI and ESPN in long segments about fat people in sports (Eric Gregg, where are you?) and how great he feels now that he shredded so many pounds...and then he'll gain back 75 and nobody will say anything about it…. Have you ever seen Richard Petty without those sunglasses on? I haven't either…. The Olsen Twins are trouble waiting to happen, just wait and see...they are about three to four years away from one or more of the following: drug rehab, drunk driving arrest, lawsuit against their parents or agents, or a starring role in an Aaron Spelling production.... To all of you Anna Kournikova fans out there (who isn't?) -- remember the name Maria Sharapova...and thank me for telling you about her first…. Has Sports Illustrated ever chosen the correct champion in any of their preview issues?... The only thing funny about Jay Leno is his looks...speaking of late night talk, has anybody gone from being absolutely hilarious to being so incredibly not funny faster than Letterman?... Eric Dickerson...awesome running back but without a doubt, hands down -- the most brutal sideline reporter ever. Who invented the sideline reporter, anyways? It's like they give it to the good-looking girl or the guy who couldn't hack it in the booth…. Who is the genius at ABC who scheduled the Redskins vs. Cowboys "battle" for the October 15th Monday Night Football game?...Some teams go years without appearing on Monday Night, but the Cowboys seem to get a pass on the "they aren't good enough for MNF" defense from ABC…. Speaking of schedule-makers, I have a very simple question for those employed by ESPN. Why do they insist on showing the Braves on the ESPN game of the week when the "Superstation" WTBS shows every stinking Braves game already?… Speaking of the Braves, even though I grew up thousands of miles from Atlanta, I still know the 1980's Braves' teams like I know my favorite team...Bob Horner, Dale Murphy, Glenn Hubbard, Chris Chambliss, Bruce Benedict, Gene Garber...the fact that I can name them proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that I have no life…. Until we meet again.... See more of Shawn's columns at SportsTerminal.com!

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