Indy’s got an eye for antiquities and a reverence for the past that borders on obsession. Unfortunately, John McClane’s a streetwise cop with a bad attitude who’d break a priceless artifact over your head if it’d get him out of whatever jam he’s in. Can Indy disarm McClane with his trusty bullwhip before he has a chance to mutter “Yippee-kye- aye” under his breath, or will Dr. Jones simply die hard?
John McClane
Bruce Willis, “Die Hard”
He’s the fly in the ointment, the monkey in the wrench, and the pain in the ass of terrorists everywhere, yet police officer John McClane’s always asking himself, “How the fuck did you get into this shit?” First, he’s at the top of Nakatomi Plaza, taking down Germans one by one, either with his trusty Beretta or…ho, ho, ho…a machine gun; the next, he’s battling a rogue Army officer and has to blow up a plane to stop the guy. What does a guy like that do for an encore? Why, save New York City from being blown sky-high, of course.
Definitive badass moment: While pretending to laugh at Hans Gruber’s awful German pronunciation of the phrase, “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker,” McClane whips out the gun he’d strapped to his back with Christmas wrapping tape, shoots Hans, then nails Gruber’s henchman right in the forehead for good measure. “Happy trails, Hans,” smirks McClane.
Classic badass line: “Motherfucker, I’m gonna kill you, I’m gonna fuckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna fuckin’ eat you!”
Seed: #4
Occupation: Former cop
Strengths: A modern-day cowboy who packs a Beretta instead of a six- shooter
Weaknesses: Prone to spontaneous maneuvers that don’t always work out as he’s intended
Bracket History: Defeated #12 James Bond in round 3, 56%-44% / Defeated #13 Tyler Durden in round 1, 69%-31%
Indiana Jones
Harrison Ford, “Raiders of the Lost Ark“
Who says college professors can’t be badasses? Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones may not have time for love, but he always makes time for an archaeological expedition. Indy’s first and foremost a historian, but to find his inner adventurer, he needs only remove his glasses, don his fedora and grab his trusty bullwhip. A profound desire to see precious antiquities in museums rather than on the black market has found him ankle-deep in adders, poisoned by the Chinese mafia, dragged under a tank by Nazis, and almost flattened by a giant boulder…but that’s all in a day’s work for Indiana Jones.
Definitive badass moment: When facing a sword-wielding assassin who boastfully demonstrates his dexterity with his blade, Jones shrugs, pulls out his revolver, and shoots the guy dead in his tracks.
Classic badass line: “You want to talk to God? Let’s go see him together. I’ve got nothing better to do!”
Seed: #16
Occupation: Archaeology professor
Strengths: Intelligent, good with a gun and a bullwhip
Weaknesses: Afraid of snakes, often places his trust in the wrong people
Bracket History: Defeated #9 Doc Holliday in round 3, 63%-37% / Defeated #1 Jack Bauer in round 1, 53%-47%
WINNER:
We’ll be the first to admit that the performance by Indiana Jones in our bracket has left us – what is the technical term for it – freaking gobsmacked. He has now taken out three men notorious for their ability to both take and administer a savage beating, the latest victim being John McClane. Check out our Badass Bracket for all of the results!
