Rock the vote
08/07/2002
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
I'm going on vacation next week, which means I won't bore you with another one of my columns for at least 14 days.
Lucky you, huh?
But because I'm taking a week off, I wanted to leave my faithful following of loyal readers with something profound, something meaningful, something that'll have you looking for answers to questions you've never before asked. I wanted to challenge you by writing a column that would take you two weeks to fully comprehend so that you wouldn't miss me while I was gone. I, in turn, challenged myself to come up with an insightful topic that would accomplish these goals, hopefully filling a void that my two-week absence would otherwise create for you.
But I couldn't come up with anything. Bummer, I know.
So instead, I decided to make fun of people, thinking that if I couldn't test your intellect this week at least I could hopefully tickle your funny bone.
Of course, the easiest target in the world of sports to ridicule right now is baseball -- Bud Selig, the players, the owners, the lawyers, the mascots, whatever. Sure, it may actually be a little too simple to make Selig and Donald Fehr the focus of any jokes in the middle of these labor negotiations, but a good writer takes full advantage of the opportunities at hand. And since I'm smack dab in the middle of prepping for my fantasy football drafts, why should I work any harder than I absolutely have to?
With that in mind, I'm asking for your help. Many baseball fans have already said that, if there's a work stoppage of any kind they'll boycott the game forever. I, on the other hand, am not that strong-willed. Sure, I'll be pissed if the players strike, I'll feel betrayed and disrespected, and there's a big part of me that would like to believe that I could walk away for good. But I know better. I've simply devoted too much of my life to baseball, too much of my heart, and besides, being a sportswriter I could never really stop watching completely, right? I wouldn't be doing my job.
But I'd have to do something to show my distaste for the current state of the game if there's a strike, and I've got a solution. Instead of boycotting baseball itself, I could boycott a player that I absolutely can't stand, a guy who, for whatever reason, I just don't like. Maybe he's cocky or inconsiderate or lazy or unreliable. Maybe he's just too damn good. Maybe he's settled into mediocrity after signing a huge long-term deal for heaps of money. Or maybe there's no real reason -- maybe I just don't like him, plain and simple.
The problem I've run into, though, is there seem to be far too many worthy contestants to choose from. How can I pinpoint which player to boycott from a group of individuals that all possess such stunning credentials?
It'd be like trying to figure out which Backstreet Boy I'd most like to dropkick into an active volcano. Impossible.
That's where you come in. I've laid out the top 12 contenders below, in no particular order. After reading through each choice very carefully, weighing the pros and cons for all the players on an individual basis, send an e-mail to jcodding@bullz-eye.com detailing your top choice and the reasons behind your vote. Because I'll be gone all next week, I won't be able to send back any responses but I'll post the results, along with a handful of the best messages I receive, in my column two weeks from now.
Remember, your vote is very important -- it affects who I watch and who I don't watch on TV or in person for the rest of my baseball-viewing life. If I'm at a game and this boycotted player steps up to the plate, I'll go grab a beer or hit the can. If I see an article online or in the paper about the boycotted player, I'll skip over it. If his name comes up in future fantasy drafts, I'll select someone else. If I happen to see the boycotted player on TV, I'll change the channel.
Assuming I can reach the remote, of course.
So take your time, read through these meticulously and with a critical eye -- which player am I going to personally ban from baseball? It's your call -- you've got about two weeks to place your vote and if you want to send in a nomination for somebody not on my list, feel free. Oh, and just an FYI, guys like John Rocker and Carl Everett are just too easy to pick so I didn't include them below. Besides, I love watching Rocker implode on the mound and I usually change the channel whenever Everett's at the plate anyway.
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Jose Mesa, RP, Philadelphia Phillies
A former closer for the Cleveland Indians, this guy has managed to blow more big games than your average NBA referee. He was awesome for the Tribe in 1995 and pretty good in '96 and '97, but since then he's been one of the most overrated closers in baseball. Sure, he saved 42 games with a 2.34 ERA for the Phillies last year, but this season he's back to his ineffective ways, losing six games with eight blown saves. Plus, he's had his fair share of legal problems, such dandies as unlicensed weapons and domestic dispute charges. Yeah, he's a real winner. Oh, and Joe Table has a terrible goatee. All in all, he's pretty much one of my least favorite athletes of all time, and deservedly so.
Mike Hampton, SP, Colorado Rockies
You've gotta love this guy's competitiveness, but since signing a monster deal with the Rockies he's been worthless. Yeah, Hampton made the NL All-Star team last season after going 9-5 with a 4.02 ERA before the break but things have been uglier than a midget porno since then: 10-21 in 37 starts with a 7.04 ERA and 38 homers allowed in 217.1 IP. I know what you're thinking -- those terrible numbers are all products of Coors Field. You sure about that? In his two years with the Rockies, Hampton has gone11-8 at home with a 5.95 ERA and 18 home runs allowed in 143.2 innings; he owns a 8-18 road mark the past two seasons in 194.2 innings with 30 homers and a 5.96 ERA, including 2-11, 7.07 this year. What a bum.
Chuck Knoblauch, OF, Royals
He's hitting .199 this year for his new team with a whopping .277 on-base percentage. The Royals signed him to a rather hefty contract, hoping he'd be a sparkplug for their offense. Well, the Royals are 46-67, 22.5 games out of first thanks to their .271 team OB% and .203 team average from the leadoff slot. Way to go, Knobby. And of course, who can forget Knoblauch standing at first base pointing to the bag while arguing with the umpire in game two of the 1998 ALCS against the Indians, a boneheaded play that allowed Enrique Wilson to race around the infield and score from first on a bunt? A classic memory.
Mike Fetters, RP, Diamondbacks
Have you ever seen this guy get ready to throw a pitch? His eyes to the ground as he stands on the rubber, the robust Fetters suddenly jerks his rather large head toward the mound to get the sign with what has been described as a "menacing, intimidating" scowl on his face. He says it helps him focus. I say he looks like a freak who had a little too much caffeine in the bullpen.
Ichiro Suzuki, OF, Mariners
Yeah, Suzuki is an exciting player, but it really pisses me off that every announcer in the game calls this guy by his first name. Throughout the history of baseball, even the greatest players have been referred to by their last names -- Ruth, Gehrig, Aaron, Mays, Musial, Williams, McGwire, Griffey, Bonds... . See a trend? But then this lightning-quick slap hitter hops the pond and immediately alters decades of tradition. Besides, aren't you tired of hearing about just how good he is?
(August 10 note: Since I've already received a bunch of e-mails
berating me for "Ichiro's" inclusion on my list, perhaps I should just
address this issue now before it gets out of hand.... Yes, I know that referring
to someone by what we know as his "first name" is customary in Japan,
and I also realize that my argument for "Ichiro" being on this list
isn't exactly rock-solid. But damnit, it's my list! It bothers me when
announcers constantly refer to Yankees pitcher Orlando Hernandez as "El
Duque" and, when he was playing, Mark McGwire as "Big Mac," too.
I don't know why -- it just does. Plus, as my final comment suggests, this guy
is about as overexposed as Anna Kournikova and for that reason alone I'm tired
of him. Yes, I'm also tired of seeing Barry Bonds plastered on every TV set in
America but I'm not about to miss out on his pursuit of history. And by no means
am I comparing "Ichiro" to well-known jerks like Gary Sheffield and
Frank Thomas -- same list, different reasons. Okay, can we move on now? Jeez.)
Gary Sheffield, OF, Braves
He's always been a prick, and last season with the Dodgers he demanded a contract extension or a trade. I'm so tired of players "demanding" things these days -- you signed the contract, now honor your agreement. Instead, the Dodgers sent Sheff to the Braves after the season and now, suddenly the guy's happy again. But exactly how long is that going to last? I recently saw a couple interviews with some Braves players and coaches, and they all said that he's been the perfect teammate, that the stories about his ego were exaggerated. Tom Glavine even said that Sheffield was such a pain in the ass with LA because he wanted to be traded. Ah yes, professionalism at its finest, huh?
Frank Thomas, DH, White Sox
Speaking of arrogant ballplayers making unwarranted demands, Frank Thomas is well known for his me-first attitude. Just ask teammate Paul Konerko. In the past, though, the Sox put up with his crap because he was a perennial MVP candidate. Things are different now, with Thomas hitting just .238 this year with a limp-wristed slugging percentage of .434. I've always hated this guy and apparently, so have his teammates.
David Wells, SP, Yankees
He's 12-5 with an ERA under 4.00 for the Yankees this year. Last season in Chicago, Wells was 5-7 with a 4.47 ERA in just 16 starts and two years earlier, he won 17 games for Toronto but his ERA was just a tick under 5.00. Of course, in his two previous years with the Yankees (1997 and 1998) Wells won 34 combined games with a 3.85 ERA after going 11-14 with Baltimore in 1996 with a grotesque 5.14 ERA. What we have here is a fat-ass pitcher who only gives 100% when he's happy, which apparently means he only gives 100% when he crams his body into the Yankee pinstripes. And who's the genius that let this guy actually wear Babe Ruth's hat during a game? He should've been wearing the Babe's sports bra instead.
Torii Hunter, OF, Twins
Unfortunately, Hunter's actually fun to watch, but ever since he chucked a baseball at pitcher Danys Baez after getting plunked in the back, he's been on my crap list. Plus, what the hell's up with that name? Why is he hogging all the freaking i's?
Mo Vaughn, 1b, Mets
Big Bad Mo is certainly big (275 pounds) and since he left Boston for Anaheim in 1999, he's been very, very bad. He hit 33 bombs with the Angels that first year but his slugging percentage, which consistently hovered around .570 while with the Sox, dropped to a measly .508. In 2000 it fell below .500 for the first time since 1992. Mo missed all of 2001 with an arm injury and now, with the Mets, he's hitting .254 with 18 homers and 55 RBI while sporting a lame .441 slugging percentage. He's out of shape and no longer the slugger he once was, but because of that 1995 MVP award (an honor he didn't even deserve), his reputation keeps him in the spotlight. What a joke.
Antonio Alfonseca, RP, Cubs
The guy's got 12 fingers and 12 toes -- that's just gross. So are his six blown saves in 19 chances for the Cubbies.
Kenny Lofton, OF, Giants
I used to be a huge Lofton fan, but when his skills started to deteriorate, his motivation plummeted too. Once a fantastic leadoff hitter for the Tribe, Lofton hit just .261 in his final season with Cleveland last year, stealing a mere 16 bases while reaching base at a painful 32% clip and arguing with just about every umpire in the game along the way. He said his struggles were the direct result of a shoulder injury suffered during the playoffs a year earlier and, after signing with the White Sox and taking an extreme pay cut in the process, Lofton seemingly proved his point by hitting .343 in April with 13 steals. Apparently he got too comfortable in Chi-Town, though, because his average fell to .258 in May and .136 in June, and he's swiped a total of nine bases over the past three months. A trade to San Fran again temporarily rejuvenated Lofton, who's gone 8-28 (.285) with a homer and a triple in six games with the Giants, but I'm willing to bet those numbers fall soon enough.
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There you have it, the 12 contestants in my personal boycott contest. Consider each applicant carefully before making a decision, and don't forget to send your choice and your reasoning to
jcodding@bullz-eye.com. Looking forward to your responses.
In the Bullz-Eye
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. After serving most of last season as Chris Chandler's backup, Vick, the first overall pick in last year's draft, had the starting job handed to him when the Falcons elected to let Chandler walk this offseason. He's got all the tools to be an exciting and, more important, productive NFL QB, but with a questionable stable of receivers and very limited experience, get ready for a bumpy ride.