Return of the King. Yuck
02/06/2002
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Spring training awaits just over the horizon. Soon, pitchers and catchers will be reporting to their respective sunny southern locations for endless wind sprints, countless long toss sessions and plenty of weight lifting. Not long after that, position players will migrate to their spring training locations for BP, defensive drills and even more weight training. It's normally one of my absolute favorite times of the year, a signal that the greatest American sport will soon come out of its annual hibernation, an indication that warmer days are ahead and pennant races aren't far behind.
But this year, the days leading up to spring training just aren't as magical. Those once warm thoughts of extra-inning games in June just aren't as inspiring. I'm not saying I'm not excited about the start of the 2002 season, because no matter what baseball will always hold my fascination and adoration more so than any other sport.
But its once firm grip on my affection is slipping just a bit. And it's all George Steinbrenner's fault.
The other day, I was checking out ESPN.com, getting some early info for my impending fantasy baseball drafts, when this revolting headline practically jumped off the computer screen and punched me in the mouth:
"Yankees' payroll hovers at record $128 million."
Ahem... excuse me? How much? One hundred and freaking twenty-eight million? We're talking American dollars here, right? That's repulsive.
Why didn't they just write, "Yankees' payroll hovers at record one gajillion dollars"? In baseball terms, that's about the equivalent of $128 million to any other team in the entire goddamn league.
Unless of course you're the Expos or the Marlins. Then it's at least two gajillion.
I mean, $128 million seems like a phony number, a number made up by someone who either loves to exaggerate or loves to brag.
"Man, what's the Yankees' team payroll up to now?"
"I don't know, probably about $130 million or so."
"Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen."
Think back to the end of last season, when the Diamondbacks were drinking champagne, toasting Luis Gonzalez, and praising Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson. Somehow, Arizona had knocked the king off his throne, they'd slain the dragon, hacked down that towering beanstalk and watched the dreadful giant plummet to his death.
Every non-Yankee fan cheered for the D-Backs throughout the entire battle, cringing when Byung-Hyun Kim surrendered those late-inning, back-breaking gopher balls, sighing when Mariano Rivera stepped to the mound with a two-run lead in game seven, celebrating when Gonzo's sawed-off blooper somehow found the outfield grass and sent Jay Bell home with the series-clinching run.
It had finally happened -- a World Series had finally passed without a celebration in the Yankees clubhouse. We'd all been waiting for seemingly decades, and last November, when Fox sent Kevin Kennedy to talk to the losing manager... he actually interviewed Joe Torre! And he wasn't drenched in beer and champagne! We loved it.
But we knew what was coming, too. We knew George Steinbrenner, the owner with pockets as deep as the power alleys at Safeco Field, wasn't going to just sit on his hands this offseason, hoping his current team would find a way to bring home the trophy again in 2002. As soon as Jay Bell crossed the plate, we knew Steinbrenner and GM Brian Cashman were already hard at work.
And we were scared.
First, the Yankees had to shed a few unsightly pounds. So they let Paul O'Neill and Scott Brosius retire. They let Chuck Knoblauch walk. And they pushed Tino Martinez out the door. Now, how to fill those roster spots... .
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"Well, there's a guy named Rondell White who's looking for a place to play. We could put him in left field and, assuming he stays healthy, we'd hardly even notice Knoblauch's absence. He's a career .295 hitter who could easily give us 20 homers from the heart of the lineup. Let's give him $10 million over two years.
Now, let's see... . We need a third baseman, right? Well, we've got a youngster, Drew Henson, who'll probably be a superstar one day, but he's a year or two away from being a full-time major leaguer. Until then, though, let's find a stopgap for third. How about we send David Justice, another aging player we're just itching to move anyway, across town to the Mets for Robin Ventura, a guy who could easily hit 30 bombs this year with the short porch in right field. Sure, we'll eat some salary in the deal but, hey, what do we care?
Okay, we also need to bulk up our bullpen a bit. We really like Steve Karsay, a guy who in the past has balked at being a mere set-up man, saying he wants the chance to either be a closer or a starter. Well, it looks like there are several teams out there who'd love to have this guy, and a few of those would probably throw him in the rotation or into the closer's role. Hmm... . Hell, let's just offer him so much money that we'll embarrassingly outbid every other team in the league while also making Karsay conveniently forget about his aspirations of starting or closing. Oh, $22.5 million over four years should just about cover it. Yeah, I know the Cards just gave Jason Isringhausen a four-year, $27 million deal to be their closer, but if we want to be the best we've gotta spend the best, right? Besides, I'd never give that kind of money to a guy named Isringhausen. What's that all about, anyway?
We should also add a couple extra arms just to be safe -- "pitching wins championships," after all. I know, I know... we've always been told that, "wallets win championships," but we can't really say that in public -- that's our secret. Anyway, let's pick up Mike Thurman from Montreal, we'll give lefty Sterling Hitchcock six mil a year for two years just to sit in the bullpen, and while we're shoveling heaps of cash onto overrated lefties, let's bring that pig David Wells back into town. He's always good for a laugh, and maybe this time he'll wear the Babe's jock strap during a game. How much? I don't care -- like it really matters. How does $7 million sound?
Hey, let's bulk up the bench a bit too. Let's go get Albert Castillo, F.P. Santangelo, Ron Coomer, Ruben Rivera, Chris Widger and John Vander Wal. They can't cost us much more than a million or two each, right?
We also need to take care of our arbitration-eligible players, guys like Shane Spencer, Ramiro Mendoza and Orlando Hernandez. Let's just make it easy and get them all under contract. Oh, and don't forget about Jorge Posada. We'll lock him in for five years at just over, I don't know, $10 million annually.
But something's missing here. Oh sure, we've spent plenty of money and we could probably go out now and pound any other team in baseball, but we've still got all this cash to work with and we've got a hole a first base. Obviously, we could just let minor leaguer Nick Johnson, a top prospect who would start for just about any other team in the league, stand in as our starter, but we can do better than that, right? Hey, have you guys heard of this Jason Giambi guy in Oakland? Well, from what I've gathered he's pretty gosh darned good. I think he plays first base, but even if he doesn't he would for the Pinstripers, right? Let's go out and get him. Everybody here cool with giving him $120 million for seven years? Great."
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I know what you're wondering -- yes, those were actual transcribed conversations taped during a meeting between Steinbrenner, Cashman and some other top Yankees front office execs.
So let me get this straight, the Yanks now have nine players who'll make $7 million or more in 2002 and another guy, Henson, who'll likely spend at least the majority of the year in the minors making $3.7 million?
If that doesn't disgust you as a baseball fan, please take off your Yankees hat and throw it in the trash.
Just look at this lineup:
SS: Derek Jeter
CF: Bernie Williams
LF: Rondell White
1B: Jason Giambi
C: Jorge Posada
3B: Robin Ventura
RF: John Vander Wal
DH: Nick Johnson
2B: Alfonso Soriano
Or how about the rotation:
RHP: Mike Mussina
RHP: Roger Clemens
LHP: Andy Pettitte
LHP: David Wells
RHP: Orlando Hernandez or LHP Sterling Hitchcock
All that, plus a bullpen that features the best closer in baseball (Rivera), fantastic righty (Karsay) and lefty (Mike Stanton) set up men, and plenty of extra arms that other teams would kill for.
This isn't a baseball team -- it's a fantasy lineup. Go into your baseball drafts this year and try, just try to draft this exact team. Trust me, you wouldn't succeed. You wouldn't even come close. Sure, you'd have no problem getting some of these guys, but there's no chance you could ever assemble this exact team. You know why?
Because it's too damn good.
Mussina, Jeter, Giambi and Clemens are all elite players. Williams, Posada, Pettitte and Soriano are all very good players. Everyone else on the team can play. Plus, we all know that, once the trade deadline rolls around, Cashman will go out and snag a couple more guys that'll help push his team to one more pennant.
With this roster, if the Yankees don't end the year with another post-game celebration and a champagne hangover, they're pathetic.
So I hope you enjoyed the Arizona November while it lasted, because with his all-world lineup and gajillion dollar payroll, it looks like George Steinbrenner already bought the rights to another pinstriped October.
In the Bullz-Eye
Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Darryl Russell. I don't really want to get into all the disgusting details of Russell's latest brush with the law -- click on this link if you'd really like to read the entire story -- but let's just say that facing 25 different sexual assault counts, including rape by use of drugs and oral copulation of an unconscious person, pretty much puts Russell, a former first-round pick, in some deep kaka.