Bullz-Eye's Sports Freak Quiz
06/21/2001
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
You probably hear it from your wife or girlfriend all the time. "It's a pretty common occurrence for most guys," you say to her, but you can tell she just doesn't believe you. You're ridiculed by her friends but at least your buddies understand because most of them are in the same boat. "It's not like it'll just go away if I ignore it," you add, but the worst part is you're pretty sure you don't want it to. I mean, you've had this affliction for years now; in fact, you can't remember when it wasn't a problem. Hell, your mom figured it out when you were in elementary school. Even some of the girls you grew up with had the same issues, but you could always tell they were a little different from the other girls in school.
Well I'm here to tell you that there's no need to be ashamed. You're with friends now. You've heard the saying, "It's no big deal -- it happens to all guys." It's true, so just relax. It's happened to me and most of my friends and I've finally realized there's no need to feel humiliated.
Because, like you, most guys are sports freaks. It's true.
So tell that special woman in your life to just get off your back. It's a scientific fact: men are naturally drawn to sports. Turn on a football game and you'll see thousands of guys just like you, wearing goofy foam fingers and fine face paints, drinking beer after beer and letting the testosterone flow freely. And they're not ashamed of who they are, so why should you be? Placing a baseball mitt in front of a man is like putting a new pair of shoes in front of a woman -- he's just gotta put it on. It's an uncontrollable instinct.
So how do you know if you're a sports freak? Well, we're not a very selective race. In fact, I'm sure most of your friends are open about their habit, but then I'm sure there are plenty of people you know, mostly guys but even a few women, who are closet sports junkies, afraid to put their true selves forward for fear of vilification. And that's just wrong.
Anyway, there literally are thousands of sports-freak indicators out there, some much more revealing than others. I've taken the time to list 50 of the more common symptoms below in an effort to help you diagnose your level of addiction. Read through these carefully and answer honestly because, as our motto states: "Read Through These Carefully and Answer Honestly." Yeah, I know... we're still working on it.
KEY:
*If five to 10 of the below descriptions apply to your life: Welcome to the fraternity.
*11-20: Your membership card and secret decoder ring are in the mail.
*21-25: Your love of sports is strong and your future with our club is very bright.
*26-30: All hail the Chief! Your dedication to the sports world is admirable, though I can't imagine your sex life is.
*31-35: Uh, it may be time to worry a bit. I know I said earlier there's no reason to be ashamed, but this is a little out of control here.
*36-40: As is true with every facet of life, too much of anything is not good.
*41-45: Dude, seriously, put down the remote and torch your autographed Jeff Hostelter jersey. It's time to find the outside world again and maybe take up drinking as a hobby.
*46-50: Call your ex-wife and try to patch things up. Tell her you realized you've got a serious problem and it's time to get some help, then hang up the phone and pick up a book.
1. You followed the Mark Chmura and Rae Carruth trials more closely than the last Presidential race.
2. Before you give a big presentation at work you adjust your cup.
3. Your wife remembers the name of your favorite hockey player.
4. You can't seem to remember your wife's name.
5. You've been shown on national television wrestling with a nine-year-old kid for a foul ball.
6. That nine-year-old kid was yours.
7. You can't remember his name either.
8. You enjoyed the XFL.
9. You were late for your parents' 50th wedding anniversary party because, "They were running a Bo