Is this Soul Train or football?
09/30/2000
Codding Home / Sports Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
By now, everyone has an opinion about Terrell Owens' absurd midfield celebrations in the San Francisco 49ers' win over Dallas last week and, make no mistake about it, Owens deserves all the criticism - and the suspension - he's received since the incident. But lost underneath the controversy surrounding this one episode is the ridiculous manner that most NFL players handle themselves on the field to begin with.
Practically by definition, football players are extremely emotional and excitable, meaning the NFL will always have to deal with Terrell Owens-like outbursts on the field of play. But do we have to watch a grown man do some silly dance every time he scores a touchdown? Must we see a 320-pound defensive lineman "shake his groove-thang" every time he notches another sack? Emotion on the field is great - hell, it's expected in some situations - but can't end zone celebrations be reserved for game-winning or even momentum-shifting scores? Obviously not.
Instead, we get a shoulder shake and a Texas two-step when some fifth-string wide receiver reels in the first TD pass of his career... even though his team is down 58-10. I'm tired of seeing linebackers and defensive ends dance around like they've just won the Super Bowl after they finally sack a quarterback who's already thrown for 450 yards and five touchdowns on the day. Yeah, you really got him that time. Nice hit, man... too bad you couldn't do that last quarter when the game was on the line.
Guess what guys - it's called doing your job. So you swatted the ball away from a streaking wide receiver to save a touchdown. Nice work. Now line up and do it again. A big tackle to force a field goal? Congrats. Just don't forget about that tackle you blew two plays earlier that allowed the team to get into field goal range in the first place. I didn't see you strutting around the field then.
You're just doing your job, what you're paid to do. I don't point to the heavens after every sentence I write. You never see a mechanic high stepping around his garage every time he successfully guides your car onto the ramp for an oil change, so why do I have to see a safety doing hip thrusts across the field after he lays out a receiver? That's why your paycheck has all those zeros, bub.
Two weeks ago, I happened to flip on a Dolphins game only to see Thurman Thomas playing referee. On at least two separate occasions, Thomas caught a pass for a first down then took the time to let the other players, the refs, the fans in the stands and everyone watching on TV know that he'd moved the chains by giving the first down signal. This may be the most common and inane gesture in football today. "Uh-oh, I got a first down. I'd better let everyone here know that because the refs can't do it themselves." It's only a first down, guys. That would be like Pedro Martinez pumping his fist and screaming "STEEERIKE!" every time he got the ball over the plate. There's just no need for it.
I will give the NFL some credit, though. After years of watching the Fun Bunch doing synchronized high fives in the end zone, Broncos saluting each other after every touchdown, and the Rams doing the Bob and Weave last year, the league finally outlawed group celebrations. But the new rule doesn't eliminate solo acts like Owens', which means that, while the 49ers stepped up and disciplined their star receiver themselves, the league couldn't really touch Owens because he acted alone.
But I'm willing to bet the NFL rethinks this rule because, as Owens proved, these one-party parties can be just as disrespectful and annoying as the all-out end zone jamborees can be. If you've ever seen Atlanta RB Jamal Anderson score a touchdown, you have probably witnessed the Dirty Bird. It's almost a rendition of "The Icky Shuffle" from a couple of years ago, but Anderson also looks like he's desperately trying to get every truck driver in America to blow his horn at the same time. The Bird first made its appearance in 1998 when the Falcons were steamrolling opponents on their way to the Super Bowl and Anderson was scoring at will. Two years and one knee surgery later, Anderson and the Falcons don't have much to celebrate anymore, yet I saw the Dirty Bird just last weekend against the Rams. Even more ridiculous was seeing Anderson's mother fail miserably in her attempt to do the Bird in the stands. Hey Jamal, your team's going nowhere. Why don't you do everyone a favor (especially your mom) and put the Dirty Bird out of its misery?
Now don't get me wrong, I know these over-exaggerated and needless celebrations aren't unique to football. Point guard Mark Jackson christens almost every assist with his own shoulder shake, and there just has to be a medical reason behind the full-body convulsions Jose Lima suffers after every strikeout. With a 7-16 record and a National League-record 48 homers allowed this year, what could Lima possibly have to celebrate on the mound? It just seems most athletes in other sports don't gyrate and jiggle mindlessly at the conclusion of each insignificant play.
All I'm asking is to just be selective on the field, guys. If you make a big play that gets your team into the playoffs or seals a victory, I don't care if you mutate into MC Hammer right there on the 50-yard line, parachute pants and all. Just please stop parading around the field with your arms raised in victory after you scored one meaningless touchdown.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I just wrapped up another column, which means it's time to do the Macarena on my desktop.
In the Bullz-Eye
The New York Yankees. With the playoffs inching closer, the Yankees really stumbled pitifully through the last month of the regular season, going 13-14 through September 29. In fact, the Yanks suffered two losing streaks of at least five games each while being shut out twice in September and failing to score more than three runs in 12 other games. An injury to CF Bernie Williams could be at least partially to blame, but for a team many (including myself) picked to win the World Series, heading into postseason play is about the worst time to hit a cold streak.