CD Review of The Remix Game by Bitter:Sweet
Recommended if you like
Zero 7, Thievery Corporation, Portishead
Label
Quango Records
Bitter:Sweet:
The Remix Game

Reviewed by Jason Thompson

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H
ey kid, c’mere. I got somethin’ for yas. It’s a little thing called a “remix album.” Sometimes us guys who want a little more nickel for our pickle will put one of these things out so we can take the little lady out for somethin’ nice. It’s all a money ploy, ya know. It always has been. Of course, sometimes we actually do put one of these remixers out and it turns out to be bigger than we thought it would be, and so we get a little concerned because that’s not the way this racket it supposed to go, you know? But that doesn’t happen often, thankfully. And I can guarantee you it ain’t happening on this little disc I’m about to push your way.

You see, kid, this is a remix album called The Remix Game and it’s buy a little group you may or may not have heard of called Bitter:Sweet. Frankly, I don’t like how they put the colon in the middle of their name there. It just looks silly, if ya ask me. But the title sure fits the bill here. We decided to not bullshit anyone this time around, mainly because we figure a lot of people aren’t going to really buy this one, but also we were just tired of coming up with fancy names for these products. So we outed ourselves cleverly by admitting to our line of business and away she went, you see. Wouldn’t you know that some people are really getting into it, too. But we’re counting on you to hear the seams and see this for what it really is. You know, un-square product.

At any rate, we’re selling this product as thus: “Many of the songs on this album are rare unreleased gems and tracks that have been available only on 12” or digitally.” So you see, kid, we’re making it completely pointless to have had these tracks before now. You had a hard time acquiring them prior to now? Ha, ha! You dumb sucker! Here’s all of ‘em on one disc! See, we gotcha! Now buy ‘em officially. Give us your money and stop getting crappy downloads and searching for DJ platters that aren’t yours to have in the first place. Take our product and delight in the irony.

So what we have here is tracks from Bitter:Sweet’s debut album The Mating Game, all remixed up for your fun. We’re not gonna lie to ya, kid. Nicola Conte’s remixing sounds like Thievery Corporation’s remixing sounds like Atjazz’s remixing. These are lush, slow grooving remixes that will all blend together well enough for you to say, “Hey! This shit’s all sounding the same! The first track, ‘Heaven’ remixed by Nicola Conte, was pretty good, but then the next song and the next song sound exactly like it!” And that’s where we get ya, kid! Usually you’ll get one of these remix products and it’ll have radical re-imaginings of an artist’s work, but not here! Here we got the slow, fake jazz burners going, so you’ll be sure to get annoyed quick.

Of course, people who don’t give two shits about which products they obtain will eat this stuff up. But don’t you tell them that, kid. We want to seduce them so we can sell a few copies of this mediocre release. That way, in addition to taking the little lady out, we also have some extra pocket change to boot. And that is where our real pleasure comes in. Out goes the consumer’s cash, in comes hot times on the old town tonight. You get me, kid?

So dig it. Wallow in the same-sounding, average remixes we have here and tell all your friends about it. We think there’s money to be made here. We’re sure of it, in fact. We’re just the average working men selling average music to average listeners. They don’t make too many distinctions, you know. Makes a great holiday gift, too, in case you were wondering. So enjoy it, kid. And if you can’t, then just sell it to some poor schlub on Amazon. We’re giving this one to you, so this one’s on us. And if you enjoy the feeling you get from passing it on for mean green, then maybe we’ll have a job waitin’ for ya. Think about it, kid. Money for mediocrity. That’s where it’s at.

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